The SDMB legion of doom! (SRC revisited)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Having been inspired by http://www.eviloverlord.com, I have decided to fire up the SDMB Self Righteous Clique yet again. We all had so much fun the last time, and now that I am more seasoned, I think I will make a good evil overlord. I have deposed Konrad, and assumed power myself.
I have also gotten rid of my previous cabinet, no hard feelings, and I am now accepting applications for various positions in my Legion of Doom. Some positions have already been filled, but I shall list them as an announcement of their occupancy.

The positions are as follows, all salaries are DOE:

Lackey- This person must be of VERY limited intelligence, as I will test many codes and plans on them, and if they can foil them, then I will not use those things. Must be a total sycophant, and short. No midgets, please. Not that there’s anything wrong with midgets, mind you, but I don’t want to rip anyone off. Sorry.

Number One- Sorry, ladies, I am looking for a fellow man to fill this position, but I will consider a woman if I can find one nasty, mean, conniving, sneaky, underhanded, loyal and just plain dirty enough to… what am I thinking? I am looking for a woman to fill this position!

El Presidente Numero Uno- A figurehead, must be slick and good at political nonspeak. Chevy Chase in Fletch comes to mind, if this is you, then this is the job for you.

Slick Lawyer- Sorry folks, this is the only spot whose occupant did not get fired. Assuming COLDFIRE wants to keep the job, it won’t be up for grabs.

Sexy, busty, alluring assasins- Let’s face it, an evil overlord can never have too many of these, so I will have as many sexy, busty, alluring, evil, man-hating assasins as possible. Must be female.

Sexy, busty, alluring, innocent looking secret agents- Once again, no Legion of Doom is complete without a healthy smattering of these ball-bustin’, glass-ceiling shattering, high tone bitches who make James Bond look like Homer Simpson. Serious applicants only, as this is a more demanding position than even the sexy busty alluring assasin. Must be female.

Sergeant Quake- Someone has to command my Hordes of Terror, right? This guy (has to be a guy, sorry ladies) must be able to bark out orders like Tommy Lee Jones and talk shit like Samuel L. Jackson. Basically he needs to be G.I. toilet paper: Rough, tough, and don’t take shit off no one.

Shock Troopers for Hordes of Terror- Can never have enough of these. But, as there are only so many regs in MPSIMS, I will have to settle for one or two, possibly three to represent all 3.5 million of my Shock Troopers, which were kept on hand and are very disgruntled as they did not get to go on the Guy Stuff Shuttle.

Slick, suave, debonair, lady-killing, clever-quipping, secret agent- Like the Highlander, there can be only one. Ian Fleming will roll over in his grave if we try to make more than that. Must be chock full of cheesy one liners, clever quips, and never at a loss for words. Arrogant, but in an adorable, lady-killing way. I nominate WallyM7. Do I hear a second? <second!> Good, motion has been seconded, let’s vote on it, all in favor? <Aye, Aye, Aye, Aye!> Very well, opposed? N-BANG! Motion carries, WallyM7 has the job by acclamation, he has only to accept it.

Ninja Assasin(s)- This position was very popular last time, so I am anticipating that there may be a huge response. If there is not, I will take only one, but he/she needs to be damn good, like met Jet Li and bitch-slapped his momma.

Bouncer- This guy has to have excellent flaming skills, because he or she will be required to disabuse anyone who acts up and make them cry like a little girl with a skinned knee.

Knuckle-dragging hose mongerer- This spot is tailor-made for Kinoons, but if he doesn’t want it, it will be open to anyone who doesn’t mind dispersing rioting crowds and hosing off the floors after our parties. Must not mind the sight of gross human suffering, or various and sundry bodily fluids.

Stuck up lieutenant who always looks like a jack-ass- We will need someone who can mislead our foes and be given mundane pointless tasks that he can bungle and provide comic relief. Will be the object of constant pranks and practical jokes. Must be funny, or will be used for target practice.

!!!OPEN CALL-OPEN CALL-OPEN CALL!!!
If there is a position that you think would be valuable to my (our) organization, let me know and I will consider it for you. Make you application addressed directly to me, and I shall respond post-haste.
**disclaimer: If you remember the last time we did something like this, it was a lot of fun. Remember, this is all in fun, and it is not a popularity contest. Everyone who applies for anything will be hired, and it will be fun for all, as fun as we make it. Hopefully, we can make it a blast just like the last time, and we can accomplish some truly nefarious things.
Also, I will never say the n word this time, so that should help.

The sooner we organize, the sooner we can dominate the world!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

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bump

3

Ok Lexicon, I’ll bite . . .

I would like to apply for either the shock trooper or ninja assasin position. I would be good for either as I am impervious to cyber-blood, am good at taking orders, am fiercely loyal, and am damned sneaky !!

I also lurk very well, and what else do you want from a ninja assasin ??

4

[Slick Lawyer Babble] There is no such thing as the Self Righteous Clique. [/Slick Lawyer Babble]

5

I’ll take either innocent looking secret agent or assassin, your choice. Innocent looking secret agents can still kill people from time to time, right?

6

Do you have a position for a meek, unobtrusive, middle-aged, motherltype assasin? No one would ever expect a motherly type to be the assasin. Pick me, pick me! I would offer to be you assisin behind the scene, but then I would probably end up killing everyone and we couldn’t play any more.

7

Oh, high and mighty Lord Lexicon, while I would never presume to question milord’s judgement, might I dare to suggest a position that may have slipped your powerful mind? Every evil overlord needs a good sycophant, a groveling yes-man (or woman) to quickly agree to everything you say.

If I may humbly offer myself for this position? I will agree to everything you say, pander to your ego, and ease any fears that you may not be the most evil overlord in the world. I await your mighty judgement.
:grovel, grovel:
Chrisbar

( Hey, role-playing’s my hobby, whaddya expect?) :wink:

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Almost forgot to add… this is only good for this game of yours. I will grovel for you elsewhere on the board. I’m no sockpuppet for hire. :wink:

Chrisbar

9

That was what it was supposed to say. Maybe I should go back to bed…

Chrisbar

10

:: sob ::

You mean I have been fired as the sexy female executive secretary? What am I going to do now? Where will I go? What will I do?

(runs off, wailing pitifully)

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I hereby apply for the position of secret agent…I can assure you, I am sexy, busty, alluring, female, and all that…and with a name like the Scarlet Pimpernel, what more proof of my secret-agent abilities do you need?

What’s my first assignment?

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In the last regime, I was an assasin, but I am ready to move it up a few notches Lex. I have a certian skill with the political non-speak. In fact, I think every good member of a Legion of Doom ought to have this skill and for those that don’t I would offer a proposal of future spending programs designed to give them every opportunity they deserve. After all, our childrens futures depend upon it. Sure, those extreme radicals on the other side of the aisle want to keep the hard-working citizens of this great Legion of Doom oppressed with their risky spendthrift ways, but I am offering a viable solution to aid in the lives of hard-working, solid, decent people that are just looking for a break. After all, I care about each and every one of you.

13

Ok Lex, throw me in somewhere, I’m pretty good at most things. Not too low on the list though, I like the top.

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I’d like to nominate the position of Evil Female Scientist, who uses her feminine wiles to steal all the good inventions and torture devices from enemy Hordes.

I also nominate myself for this position. ::deviously drums her fingertips against each other::

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…as to suggest?

If Your Supreme Vileness should ever want for a unique group of professionals specializing in the design and manufacturing of clever, useful, deadly (and somewhat silly) items for the furthering of Your Most Malevolent Nastiness, may I offer my services there?
I am experienced in taking apart and putting together pens/mechanical pencils, devising obscure and redundant names, designing particularly useless items which can do a job in twice the time it takes to do it manually, and most importantly–I can make great lattes and cappuchinos. If I do say so myself, Sir, killer coffee.
I have also just received my degree from the Institute for the Arcane, Covert and Basically Sneaky. Although I have never visited the campus…it was, after all, a secret…I do have my diploma (written in invisible ink, of course) and have just mastered the technique of rubbing my hands together menacingly while hunching my shoulders, nodding slowly and breathing heavily through my mouth. It was a big step and I feel like a better person for the experience.
I await Your orders, O Wicked One.
struuter

16

Hey! I think struuter is attempting to move in on my Evil Female Scientist part. ::stamps feet:: NOT FAIR. Oh, Grand High Evil Overlord Lexicon! Mediate!

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Coldfire, I was wondering if I might be able to get a position as a sort of malicious intern of the slick lawyer. Every lawyer needs some young up-and-coming ambitious peons to do his leg work. I could go around harrassing people and running up your billing hours. Also, we share interests in soccer and beer, so I think we would get along well in an office setting. What do you think?

18

Swimming–
(ducking, giggling maniacally) I am NOT after your Evil Female Scientist position. Far from it. I willingly cower in the shadows and allow you that honor. May I inquire as to your perhaps needing an Evil Female Scientist Who Willingly Cowers in the Shadows Designing Annoying Devices and Secret Agendas? I’d like that spot. I’d hate for that whole hand-rubbing-mouth-breathing thing to go to waste. Besides, I think two evil genius chicks working together would be cool…I mean…vile and disturbingly dangerous.
*BTW, do you have the insane laughter thing down? Could you give me some tips? I’ve worked on it, but at best I sound like I’m coughing something up. Please advise. struuter

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As you can tell from my Very Evil Laugh©, I would be an outstanding addition to your Legions of Doom.

I am elitist, yet scrupulous. I have the distinctive ability to train myself to believe anything, no matter how off the mark it is.

I can blend into a crowd at will, yet attract as much attention as I want to. I can say my name, count to ten, and see with one eye closed. I can drive in the snow.

My Bi-Polar tendencies allow me to look at things from more than one point of view.

I am suspicious, quick witted, and exude a boyish charm that makes women melt. I can lie convincingly.

I hate anyone with whom I am not aligned in some way.

Unfortunately, I can not see a position in your organization that I fit into. Were the postion of Number One still open to men, we would have a match of my talents and your needs.

Until you can find a place for me in your community of scoundrels, I shall patiently wait in the wings, plotting your eventual overthrow. Of course, once hired, I’ll plot the overthrow of anyone you want me to. I promise.

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Struuter: yes, you may be my evil Shadow-Cowering Inventor Chickie. You can be the one that really comes up with the ideas, who hates me because I get all the glory.

Evil Laughter in Three Easy Steps.[ul]

[li]Throw head back quickly[/li]
[li]Open mouth as wide as possible. You want to intimidate the minions with your amazing dental work.[/li]
Laugh. Loudly. Try to “bounce” your diaphram. Imagine the evil coming from deep within your belly. Your laughter should sound roughtly like: “Mwaaaaaahaaaaahaaaa,” though some are found of “bawaaahahaaahaaaaa.” It’s really an individual thing. [/ul]