I am totally into that behind the scenes swallowing bitterness and resentment thing. Minored in it, as a matter of fact. I have tried the laughter training you advised. Many thanks–it is truly hellish now and I’m feeling much better about myself as an individual.
One small item. Do we get to wear sexy, tight lab coats unbuttoned to provocatively display our ample cleavage? Pull our lustrous hair back into loose buns held up with a pencil? Wear those smart girl black-rimmed glasses on the tip of our noses? Wear designer heels that otherwise would be totally out of place in the lab? Can we, huh?
Oh! Oh! Oh!
I wanna’ be the evil version of “Q” from the James Bond movies!
I want to be the evil gadgeteer who creates the Deadly Kill-Bots and robo-tastical Power Suits and weird weapons with spikes and chrome and vile glowing green raybeams!
Heres my resume’:
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Inventor of the Vasect-O-Matic™ spring loaded cotton briefs.
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Inventor of the Ninja Hotel™ glue trap (Ninjas creep in, but they don’t creep out!).
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Inventor of Stealth Spandex (no femme’ fatale is hip without Stealth Spandex hugging her hips!).
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Headed the design team that proposed the idea of a thermal vent that leads straight to the fusion reactor on the Death Star (Wait! Scratch that! Don’t want that on my resume’…).
Good thinking, struuter. I’ll take that idea as my own.
Inky–
I’m not authorized to extend any sort of invitation to you, but speaking as the possible Evil Female Scientist Who Willingly Cowers in the Shadow Designing Annoying Devises and Secret Agendas, I’d sure welcome you. Sounds like you have great credentials. struuter
However, Inky, you have to wear the uniform that ** I ** came up with completely on my own with no imput what-so-ever from anyone else.
…(because I would never be bold enough to present this as my idea) that you have put great thought into our titles, I was wondering if letters have become a tad out-dated. Perhaps you were considering implements of torture as titles? Or just icky-sounding words like ‘Stab’, ‘Maim’, or ‘Sever’? I know you have it all mapped out, as usual. struuter
Well I don’t really want to be associated with the rabble in this thread, but I guess I’ll do it for morale purposes. First off, lets make it clear that we will follow the rules of protocol on all matters. No going off half-cocked improvising. After all without discipline we are no worse than the animals. Hey what do you think you are doing. Come back here with my bed. Colonel, stop those men they are heading to the latrine with my bed. What do you mean let them have their fun? That’s it consider yourself reported SIR.
Keith appliying for the jerky lieutenant who provides comic relief.
References provide upon request. Bribes furnished when necessary.
Keith
Either that or sycophant.
Keith
Oh, Great and Terrible Lexicon, where are you? I can’t be a good little sycophant without my master to grovel before.
Please Master, please say you’ll pick me over Odieman. I know because you have such good taste, Master, that you will pick me to be your loyal servant.
Master Lexicon, Master?
:goes off searching…:
Chrisbar
As a former Double Agent for the Self Righteous Clique, I would like to offer my services as a sexy, busty, alluring, innocent looking secret agent or a sexy, busty, alluring, innocent looking assasin. Either position would be fine by me.
Although I suppose people would make mention I’d make a great Number One by the fact that Mr. Smithers on “The Simpsons” is such a good one, and, in some circumstances, i resemble him :D, I don’t want the job.
However, I think there ought to be an Evil Scientist that works in conjunction with SwimmingRiddles’ idea - she goes out and works them over good, whereas I stay locked up in the lab, white coat, bubbling beakers and all, using the information she gives me.
I dunno, sounds like fun. We’d make a great team anyway.
Esprix
I wanna be a driver. Tank, jeep, limousine, pizza delivery, whatever ya got, I wanna drive it. I want an air freshener that is a photo of a nude girl to hang on the mirror too.
Sweet Basil
Oooo! Can I be an innocent secret agent? I hereby verify that I am busty, alluring, and a redhead to boot!
Failing that, I’ll take my old job as the Miss Moneypenny to WallyM7’s secret agent. 
That is, like Bast, I want to appear completely harmless and motherly and bake evil cookies and feed them to the minions, but if anyone bothers me, I want to be able to tear out their throat with teeth this long!
So?
Yo, Lexicon,
What are you and the little lady doing this weekend?
Call me.
OH, and we might be having a gathering next weekend again, south end of Denver area.
There are a couple of good places near Park Meadows.
< end of highjack >
May I please be a mini-Ninja assassin? I’m small (5’2) and I lurk very well, look fabulous in black and can break plywood with my head. I can do double-duty in any of the sexy, busty jobs too.
I once judo-flipped a 6’ tall woman over my head and to the ground during self-defense training (she was my roommate and cowered in the corner of our room from then on). I also learned almost all of the tai chi long form. Or was that the short form. Well, some kind of form–and I almost learned it all. 
Ceejaytee
Chrisbar, you are my lackey. A total sycophant is indeed necesary to the operation of a good Legion of Doom. Until all other positions are filled you shall carry out various tasks that are beneath me <snort>.
Since the names odd-job and random-task are taken and copyrighted, I shall call you “sundry accomplishment”, or “Sac” for short. When I use your full name, you know you are in trouble!
Make a note, Sac, we need to hire a sexy blonde secretary who can make a mean martini. And to henceforth take notes so you are free to clean the toilet. And oh yes, hire some janitors, too.
NothingMan, you are my first Ninja Assasin. You must be known for killing people who look at you crosswise. That’s crosswise not cross-eyed. If it turns out it is indeed cross-eyed, you must be demoted to shoch trooper, as you cannot work in the south, since you would be killing everyone.
Coldfire, I am glad to see that you are still about in good working order. Keep up the good work.
But, my god man, <hands Coldfire a fat wad of cash> go buy yourself some new suits. Where did you get those? Belgium? It looks like a friggin’ waffle. Oh well, it could be worse. You could have purchased it in Holla-er, Hollywood. Now, get thee some slick lookin’ duds, so you are seen as reputable! And no more 3rd party Hookers! The ones we provide are fine! What? I don’t care! No more hookers!
Kat, my first innocent looking secret agent! Your first task shall be to infiltrate ALF and discombobulate their nefarious schemes and agenda of McDonald’s bathroom defacing. Here, <hands her a fat sack of cash, too> take this for expenses, and make haste. Before you go, you should see…
Inky, our mad scientist extrodinaire, who will outfit you with the necessary devices that you will need to accomplish. You can find his/her (?) office by walking down the corridor and following the mad raves of “Yesss! I em enveencebel!” as he passes the time playing various 80’s video games he has hacked to add nude photos of the cast of Three’s Company.
Bast, welcome aboard. After you get done perfecting your recipe for deadly explosive cookies, can you show me how your Doily/net/bulletproof vest/garrote wire works? I think that’s kinda cool. And could you do us a favor, O motherly unsuspected sweet ass pie vicious Grandmum “Mad Dog” O’Flannerty? Get rid of that nasty weirdo on Blues Clues. He gives me the creeps.
Shadowfox! Come back here this instant! chrisbar, cue my Cinderella album and play "don’t know what you got (til it’s gone).<music plays> I must say, you absolutely must be my sexy blonde secretary as mentioned above.
Scarlet Pimpernel You are my first sexy, busty alluring man-hating assasin. Your first assignment is very grave. You are to seek out the president/ceo of AOL and make him spend endless nights trying to connect to his own service, only to be kicked off. You must make him call tech support and talk to the dumbest fuckin’ person on earth who will only refer him to his PC vendor. Make it hurt, make it bleed, make it bad… and then kill him and assume power. You may have to marry him to gain heir to his empire, but if so, so be it. Good look, and see Inky for some of those Vasect-o-matics.
Mullinator, It is good to have a figure head. I must say, I believe you will do nicely, but I must require that you improve your skills of talking and not saying a damn thing. Try to learn from the following example:
Question: Sir, what do you plan to do about the allegations of terrorism made against your orginazation?
Your answer: You must speak to my slick lawyer about that articular query, however I can say that we have de-prioritized our current core competency list to better achieve a viable list of attainable objectives, and we are re-evaluating our place within our chosen demographic to produce results on a level more commeserate with our capacity. While I am not at liberty to discuss the contingency plans in our future I can assure you that I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not said plans exist, and I am certain that we can work towards a mutually beneficial soloution that will be tantamount to the fullness of our destiny.
See? Just like that, only better. Now, a demonstration if you please: Answer this question…
Sir, where were you on the night of AWpril 12, 2000?
Ultress, you shall be my mysterious follower. You shall follow me around and write things in a notebook and occasionally whisper something to me. I shall then go “Hmmm.” and announce my decision, so it looks as though you are the real brains behind the operation. That way, our foes shall target you and not me. Work on your dodging skills.
And now, the one, the only,
}>}>}>}>}>}>}>}>Swimming Riddles<{<{<{<{<{<{{<{<{<{<{
She is our Evil Female Scientist. She has been able to clone the brain of Cecil Adams and keep it alive in a beaker. I assure you he is quite happy, floating in a jelly of endorphin. Now we have boundless knowledge on our side.
<throws head back, opens wide> MWA-HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!
Don’t let her white lab coat and smartly pressed slacks fool you, kids. Underneath is some of the most wicked lingere you have ever seen. So I hear/imagine/hope. She is a predator posing as a house pet.
Her assistant, of course, is struuter. That fool can take anything apart.
Struuter! put the thermal nuclear device back together this minute before I have you hosed!
greygalahad, you can be Coldfire’s intern. however since the terms “intern” and “Coldfire” in the same sentence hint at situations best left unconsidered, you must be his lackey. Until he fires you, has you killed, or says he likes you, consider yourself on probation. That means leave with pay. You can take this <hands over a fat sack of cash> and come in when you please. You need not do any work, unless you want to make an impression, you can file my collection of coasters, alphabetically by country of origin.
Mr. Cynical
You must get used to sentences that start with “Number One, do this, Number One, do that…” as a more nasty, mean, conniving, sneaky, underhanded, loyal and just plain dirty individual I could not hope for. And smart, too.
Number one, see to it that we are provided with some cheese dip and fine imported beer.
Number One, log on to the Straight Dope and post a thread about the benefits of Turkey leg sales at amusement parks and their secret agenda of Doom to confound our foes.
And take off those panty hose, you fool!
Odieman truly you are a brave soul. And aptly named to be my snooty lieutenant who always looks like a jack-ass and is the object of ceaseless practical jokes and pranks. Remember the dog Odie from Garfield and all the jokes he suffered at the paws of that porcine feline? That was nothing. <smirk> and oh yes, take that sign of your back. Yes the one that reads “Kick me in the goodies, HARD.”
You may leave the one that says “Insert Spine Here”
minxsmom Why don’t you do both? I must require a black rubber uniform, though. Baby powder shall be provided upon request. Make sure invest in various depilatory creams and potions. You are to be given the task of infiltrating Bill Gates’ million dollar fortress and taking incriminating pictures of him engaging in satanic rituals and homosexual pedophile acts of heinous nature. Then we will have corporate sponsorship.
Esprix, you must address your application directly to Swimmy, I am sure she can use the help.
Make no mistake friends, uinder that lab coat is some of the craziest linger- eh, whatever, it may be part of the uniform.
Sweet Basil You are now the official driver. You will be issued an air freshener that is a nude photo of Bea Arthur, to deter any would be hijackers.
Pizza sounds good. Take the Audi S8 and bring back some explosives so we can bring Papa John to his knees. Make sure and drive very fast with much squeal of tire and spew of gravel. God speed.
Whew, this evil overlord shit is a lot of work!
Number One, you shall do the next bit of hiring, I am going to go in for my monthly coffee enema. And getting my teeth cleaned, I shall be back at about 7:00 pm central time.
I could be one of those types who unobtrusively comes in when the mad scientists have reached a technical snag in their devilish plot, and, as I empty the trash, tell them nonchalantly how to fix it. Then swing my mop over my shoulder and leave them with their jaws hanging open. Wait, you DO have mad scientists, don’t you?
::Grunt, mutter, snort, moves off down the hall pushing broom::
Since we are evil…( I mean eeveeil, the froo-its of the dev-eeil), shouldn’t I somehow and in some twisted way look forward to being hosed, Most Cruel One?
The thermal nuclear device is repaired…I had to use spare parts from my VCR. It’s not perfect, but now we can replay the carnage inflicted on our innocent victims at our convenience. I mean, Your convenience…