Is there really such thing as too many evil ninja assassins? At this point we should focus on what our sig lines will be.
how about: Member of the SMDB self-righteous clique. Join us and be cool by association.
or “Death to carp. SDMBSRC member.”
Oh my sweet and naive Athena. Did I neglect to mention that as a fully experienced Evil Ninja Assassin I have fully upgraded my super secret body armor to include not only force fields, but stealth mode, anti-magic capabilities, and flotation.
Granted, the bill at Tom’s Big & Tall Evil Ninja Assassin store was hefty, but I did receive that big paycheck for the whole overthrowing of Communism thing.
“You are wonderful”
“Thank you, I’ve worked hard to become so”
“I have admitted you are better there I am”
“So, why are you still smiling?”
“Because I know something you don’t know?”
“And what is that?”
“I have the chi, the true power of a evil ninja assassin.”
Okay, you purist are undoubtedly shouting “I am not left handed.”.
Of course, I am not applying, since I would probably knuckle under and do the right thing. Cursed morals. I knew I should have skipped that class at Ninja High School (yes, I know there is a comic book of the same name :)).
Name: Cristi
Position: Lovely Man-Trapping Secret Agent
My large-ish breasts and curvaceous hips are a hindrance to good ninja work. I can lure the good guys into the sack, though, get the information, then the ninjas can burst in and do their work. Is that okay?
I also have red hair.
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
Hmmmm, with those physical attributes, have you ever considered attending an Edwardian house party? here, take my arm…
VB
Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem!
Name: Sylence
Position: Mad scientist
Opinion on carp: Once ze machines are ink place, my vork on ze genetekally-engineered UBERCARP shall commence!
– Sylence
Another day, another attempt to cross Niagra Falls on a tightrope. . .
What about the goons? You gotta have goons! A commando suicide squad would be good, too.
Sure you need goons.
Anybody who’s applying to be a lackey should practice the phrase “Don’t let him get away, you fools!”. You gotta know how to deal with your goons.
I have some openings in my clique for applicants like Shadowfox and Cristi.
The IQ of a group is equal to the IQ of the dumbest member divided by the number of people in the group.
Name: SMAK D
Position Desired: Big Dumb Enforcer, A.K.A. the guy who beats the piss out of the guy who beats the piss out of you.
Past Experience: Big dumb gangster guy in “Rapid Fire”. Big dumb enforcer guy in all bond films. Good at getting killed by good guys, but slows them down so you can get away.
Noonch
“And on the eighth day, God Created beer
to prevent the Irish from taking over
the Earth.”
~SNOOGANS~
Position: Assistant to the President (even though we know we already have a fearless leader and the El Presidente is just a figurehead…behind every man is an outstanding woman)
Carp: Yes, please
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
Position Requested: Missile Countdown Voice Guy
Qualifications:
Have a face for radio (or counting down).
Know all numbers between one and ten forwards and backwards.
Doesn’t think six… five… four… three and a half… is that funny.
Can count in english and canadian.
Own Midnight Oil’s 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1
Am I in?
Dojo. Casino. It’s all in the mind.
Name: Minxsmom
Position Applied for: Super Secret Double Agent
Opinion on Carp: Does it matter? As a double agent I’ll just tell you that you are good and carp cause all the evil in the world, and I’ll tell the carp that they are good and you are the source of all evil.
Can I join? Please? You wouldn’t want me to waste my two-hundreth post on an application that doesn’t get accepted, do you? ::how’s that for laying on the guilt? - it’s also a good example of my secret agent abilities as this is really post 201 for me. HAHAHA. Oops, did I say that out loud?::
me too - except for the name, of course.
I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi
Name: Bluepony (aka Cheval Bleu)
Position Applied For: Director of Finances, Evil Organization Inc.
Qualifications: I have a pretty good desktop calculator, lots of cool metal attache cases, I am trustworthy, faithful, yada, yada, yada. I will always be there even if the Good Guys are knocking on your front door ready to give you your Just Desserts. References available through my trusted contacts in Rio de Janeiro and Geneva. I’m here for you!! 
Minimum salary and requirements for job: Oh, I’ll take care of the salary part (I’ll just take what is needed to support my humble and Spartan lifestyle). Also I need 1 Lear Jet and several false passports. These are strictly for organizational use.
Opinion on Carp: They’re like big, stupid goldfish, right?
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
Warren ZevonName: Michi
Position Desired: Evil Ninja Assassin, but if that is unavailable, I am willing to work as Mad Scientist.
Experience: Obtained yellow belt in Tae Kwon Do at age 16. Am half Japanese.
Qualifications: I am small, innocent looking, a veritable chameleon that can blend in well with my surroundings. I have a vast knowledge of drugs. At my current job, I am sometimes required to kill puppies and kittens. I don’t feel I have had a tough night at work unless I end up covered in blood. I know how to handle a scalpel blade and can neuter a cat in a few minutes. (Humans shouldn’t be much different.) I move well under cover of the night.
Opinion of carp: I hate fish. All of 'em. Death to fish! Long live the CLIQUE!
Okay, this sounds just like me too, except my hair is more of a brown than a red. However, I am an expert when it comes to changing the appearance of my hair. I can be blonde, brunette, redhead, whatever the organization requires of me.
Maybe the three of us should dress up in fluffy pink nighties and practice saying “You can’t resist us, Austin Powers”
Shadowfox
“Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.” - Procrastinator’s motto.
“I admit it. You are better than I am.”
Sorry. I am a purist when it comes to that movie.
Perhaps there’s a position for a Slightly Menacing Fact-Checker available. Part time, of course.
- Rick
Name: Satan
Position: Anything but missionary
Opinion on carp: Polycarp is quite opinionated enough, thanks. He don’t need mine…
Yer pal,
Satan
I’m a good guy. Really, I am.