Howdy y’all, I am searching for a name that describes what I am experiencing. Let me give you a little background on me first though.
My name is not really important for this but the rest of my story kind of is. I am a 38 year old, married man who loves his wife. I have been a straight man my entire life and have no real intentions of being any other way. I have four kids and love each one of them separately, yet equally. In my marriage, my wife and I have been a couple for the last 15 years and married for 13 of them (on the 28 of this month,) and for the last 10 years or so we have been living polyandrously (one woman with more than one male partner) my apologies if I misspelled that.
Recently I have been introduced to the world of, what I call, mid op FTM transgenders. Women who have had testosterone therapy and top surgery only. I find this very intriguing and would like to get to know them on a more personal level. Yet I am not sure what to call myself. Does this make me bi? 1/4? Str8? Bi-Curious?
If anyone can help me out with this I would greatly appreciate it.
I think for the moment you should just stick with “queer” until you learn more about it. “Queer” is the nice “Other” category of sexual expression.
Some people use the term “polysexual” when they’re attracted to people who don’t neatly fit in our gender boxes. It’s distinct from “pansexual”, the attraction to all types with no regard for gender. A polysexual might find a woman and a top only FTM sexually attractive, but not a top only MTF or a man. A pansexual hasn’t found a combo they don’t like. http://queerwatch.tumblr.com/post/1034502796/pansexual-vs-polysexual
Unfortunately for me, I live in a small farming community, with little to no acceptance of the way I feel towards the afore mentioned sexual combination. Or, any other sexual orientation other than straight. In fact, the people around here think that us living as a poly trio is odd and unnatural.
I think I may contact a nearby LGBT group, see if they can set me on the right path.
I’m not sure why you need a name or label, other than people like to do such. I have my own label of course, so it would be hypocritical of me to decry such.
“Queer” or “genderqueer” are a terrible words (IMO) and in serious dispute in the broad-spectrum trans community as to whether they are acceptable, but unfortunately they are the only things which come to mind. I never even heard of “polysexual” and I’ve been in the LGBT community for 30+ years. It’s certainly uncommon.
I don’t know, man. Don’t feel the need to label yourself. I’m straight, and have only been with genetic women, but have a strong attraction to feminine-looking, pre-op MTF trans women. Plenty of people would and do consider that gay, and I don’t care. I’m not bi, as masculine secondary sex characteristics do not excite me at all. Why? Who knows?
Personally I like living in small town America. For the most part, other than being bigoted, the people are friendly and they tend to look out for each other a bit more than folks from the city. I have never really been one to conform to societal norms, but in this case (being new to this part of my sexual life) I think I should find the common nomenclature.
And that’s the tricky part. Because so many people with unusual relationship models, and sexual and gender expressions have to or choose to be discreet, there isn’t a lot of agreement on terms. The internet has helped people to connect and talk, and with talking comes eventual agreement on terms, but it’s still evolving and changing. As you see here in this thread. In my experience, “polysexual” is readily understood. In Una’s, it’s not. Neither of us is wrong, we just apparently speak to different people and so we’ve got different working vocabularies.
“Queer” is very, very rarely heard IRL in the local community. I agree with you, some terms are not universal. I don’t say polysexual is wrong, I’ve just never heard it before.
Even definitions change. For example, in our local community, “transgender” is ONLY used to refer to an officially diagnosed MTF or FTM transsexual, never applied to crossdressers or gender-bending kids. And “transsexual” refers ONLY to someone on hormones or beyond. Labels…and there’s a clear social pecking order in the community too, one which can be brutal. I work hard to tear down these barriers and remove the labels, but I’m only one person.
Just thinking aloud, but regarding female to male transgenders…my guess is those are people who, after the operations and drug therapies, would then be sexually interested solely in women. My guess is, that was sort of the point of going through this procedure - just as a man who becomes a transgender woman is most likely only going to be interested sexually in men and not want to have sex with women.
I am not saying it is impossible to find someone, but I think it is going to be rare to find someone who has gone through a physical sex change to be sexually active with someone of that same new sex. To be blunt, why would a woman go to all the trouble to have a sex change and become a man, just so they could suck another guy’s dick?
Again, I am just thinking aloud and have no statistics to back me up, but doesn’t that seem to be somewhat of a contradiction?
Gender does not dictate sexual preference. There are plenty of men who love men. Some of those men were born with penises, and some weren’t. While it’s possible for a person to find themselves attracted to a different gender after treatment, it’s not terribly common. No one really knows if, when it does happen, it’s due to the hormonal shift, the surgery or just the person becoming more accepting of themself and acknowledging a sexual orientation previously denied, or because they now have cultural “permission” to have sex with the gender of people they prefer, or what.
But no, it doesn’t always, or even mostly happen. Mostly, the gender of people who you like to have sex/relationships with doesn’t change because your genitals are altered to match your self-identity.
You’re confusing a person’s gender with their sexual orientation. Common mistake.
In my case, some of my attractions fell handily under a label (“Mid-Life Crisis”). Sounds like yours is more than that, and may not have a convenient name.
Crossing my fingers for the next decade of your life. Do stop in and keep us posted.
The last time I collected statistics on this subject from published studies, the ratios fell out like this.
transwomen:
about 35% straight, 30% lesbian, and 25% bi or asexual.
transmen:
about 50% straight, 40% gay, and 10% bi or asexual.
In my personal (that is, IRL experience)
transwomen:
about 10% straight, 75% lesbian, balance bi or asexual
transmen:
about 90% straight, none gay, balance bi or asexual.
The vast majority of transsexuals are NOT changing their physical sex for the purpose of sex. In fact, I’d need to check my handbook but IIRC a person solely expressing desire to change physical sex for sexual relations does not qualify as transsexual under the WPATH guidelines.
And gender and sexual attraction are not irrevocably linked.
Much has been studied and written about this subject. Summing the whole thing up in terms of “suck(ing) another guy’s dick?” is really out of line.
My intention for this thread was not sexual preference vs. gender assignment. I am just a bit (or perhaps a lot) confused about what I should call myself, other than hetero. My interests include primarily genetically pure women, it also happens to include women that are midway through the reassignment surgery. I have 0 interest in men, CDs (unless women dressed as men,) or women that have completed the surgery. Nothing wrong with those who do, just not my thing.
I’m not sure what I am to be called in the future, I just know that, as odd as my interest may be, I feel it strongly and want to pursue it.
Not necessarily, if they are genetically women, how would that change anything… But I do understand your point. I guess I should have stated that differently, maybe used the phrase, I have no interest in genetic men.
Or maybe they are at a point that they still like having both worlds to themselves. All I’m saying is that just because the surgery has begun doesn’t mean that they are sexually inclined towards women… nor, IMO, would it necessarily make them think of themselves as men. Maybe you are right, and because the surgery has begun, they think of themselves as men, but maybe not. I am the one that has to find that out for myself.
I’m a little uncomfortable at this “begun” or “halfway” assumption, too. Not everyone has “the whole thing.” Some FTM men never intend on having phalloplasty (a penis created through surgery.) Sometimes they can’t afford it, sometimes they’re not good medical candidates, sometimes they don’t want it. Sometimes the hormones alone enlarge their clitoris into something that they consider a satisfactory penis like sexual organ.
Some transmen take hormones and have mastectomy and that’s it. They’re done. For them, that’s it and all it will ever be.
If they have had hormone therapy prescribed by a doctor, or if they’ve had elective mastectomy in the US, and if they’re calling themselves FtM and living their lives as men, then it’s a very good bet that they consider themselves men, and at least two medical doctors agree with them.
