From the George Carlin archives:
“Honk if your Horn is Broken”
“I found Him… I have Jesus in the trunk!”
“I’d rather be driving”
Brian O’Neill
CMC International Records
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>>Being Chaotic Evil means never having to say your sorry…unless the other guy is bigger than you.<<
—The dragon observes
Ironically, i was just forwarded an e-mail of great poitential bumperstickers. To wit:
Great Thoughts From Not So Great Minds…
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
Things are more like they are today then they have ever been before.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Everything should be made as simple as possible but no simpler.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
If you think that there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
All things being equal, fat people use more air and food.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to
blame.
One-seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Yesterday I say something high on the irony scale: a “Rage Against the Machine” sticker on a Ford “mines bigger than yours” Explorer XLT sport utility vehicle.
“The people long eagerly for two things -
bread and circuses.” -Juvenal
Well, it should be a bumper sticker, in any case.
I just got my “Drive Now, Talk Later” sticker from Car Talk. They’ve got a campaign to outlaw the use of cellphones while driving:
http://cartalk.cars.com/About/Drive-Now/
I’m not a warlock.
I’m a witch with a Y chromosome.
Jesus Saves
Gretzky gets the rebound.
He Scores!
Livin’ on Tums, Vitamin E and Rogaine
I once saw a sticker with a little picture of the mudflap girl – you know that buxom silhouette that’s on so many trucker’s mudflaps. It said “Who is this woman, and how can I find her?”
Honk if you ARE Jesus
Virtually yours,
DrMatrix
Reunite Gondwanaland!
TT
“Believe those who seek the truth.
Doubt those who find it.” --Andre Gide
I miss my ex… but my aim is getting better!
Jesus is coming (and boy, is he pissed!)
It’s never too late to have a happy childhood
I always loved those little screw stickers. They used to have them advertised in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, with the ad line: “Screw your hearts out!”
Never did buy any of 'em, though. I’d like to see some soccer mom’s SUV with the sticker “I screw my dalmatian”. : D
'Smeggy
If God is my Co-Pilot, Can I drive in the HOV lane?
Go to Church for the Hell of it!
and one that was popular when I was working the oilfield in Oklahoma & Texas…
Please don’t tell my mom I work in the oil fields, she still thinks I’m a piano player in a whore house.
In line with Zette “Darkstarfagnugan” kept me amused at more than a couple shows.
Or how about “Lycanthropy - fight the disease, not the crime”
I saw this for the first a couple years ago. Got me to pause for a moment, smile a wee bit, then burst out laughing.
“where am I going and what am I doing in this handbasket?”
I always had a thing for subtle Deadhead stickers on nice cars… Porches with a small steal-your-face on the licence.
Once in a while you can get shown the light
in the strangest of places
if you look at it right…
It seems like all the witty stickers are gone around here. All I usually see are those damn Calvin pissing on (car brand). I once saw a guy with one of those Calvins pissing on his own car brand, and i thought that was kind of amusing.
A couple I’ve seen that I’ve liked:
The best way through a man’s heart is through his stomach. Then up through the rib cage.
Shadow 95:What do you want…TODAY? (A Babylon5 reference)
You say “cheesy” like that’s a BAD thing.
I forgot this one… I am not a Buddhist, bit I still like it. 
Born again… and again… and again… Buddhist
I like the “My kid beats up/screws/etc your honor student” ones.
Actually, on the old car we had, it said, “My honor student goes to ___ Middle School.” Right next to it was a sticker, “I get my kicks at ____ Taekwondo School.”
What can I say? I’m well-rounded.
All time fave:
Eschew Obfuscation.
Here’s one I just nade up, based on those “Jesus is Coming” ones…
God is coming. Turn on your wipers.
Here’s one I just made up, based on those “Jesus is Coming” ones…
God is coming. Turn on your wipers.
Three mostly unrelated points on bumper stickers:
1)"…Wisconsin issued some ‘Escape to Wisconsin’ stickers, which could–and were–modified to ‘Escape to sin’. In Northern Virginia, pro-road groups printed ‘Build I-66 Now’ stickers, which saved the anti-road group from having to print their own, since all they needed to do was clip off both ends to make ‘I-66 No’ stickers."
I’ve seen here in Chicago (but maybe they’re more widespread) a red “bumper sticker” that says DRIVING in white lettering. As you may imaging, it’s stuck to STOP signs (mainly in densely-populated city neighborhoods) so that the sign reads STOP DRIVING. Clever.
How come “My kid beat up you honor student” is always on a piece of crap car built during the Reagan administration or earlier that’s probably worth $500 tops, and that only because of new tires and wiper blades! Maybe because the kind of ignoramus who puts this on their car is envious of people with double-digit IQs.
I crack up with laughter when I’m on a bus downtown headed from the train station to my office and a car ahead of the bus has all sorts of “Save the Earth” and “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem” smug environmentalist bumper stickers. If you care so much about the environment, ride a train downtown, you hypocritical peabrain! It’s especially amusing when the stickers include one slamming all Republicans as evil ravagers of the Earth: hey, pal, I’m a Republican and I’m doing a hell of a lot more for the Earth than you are right now!