Riot buster, kick ass…I need one of those airport fire trucks that spray water at 4000 PSI and knock peoples asses off. Its pretty sweet working for the fat guy in the little coat. So, along with the 401k is there any sort of stock option included with employment? How about paid leave?
If you want to leave, you have to pay us the meager stipend of $28,687,245,658,254. And 69 cents. So yeah, we have “paid leave”. Don’t forget to have the tattoos on your ass burned of with a blowtorch. Before you go, we gotta hire a guy to do that, too. SO, we have two positions open still:
Flunky (Must be short and look like Konrad.)
~and~
Ass-Toaster (Must have experience, must also be willing to crisp up other private parts for all the sado-masochist members of Sergeant Goons’ Goons.)
Noonch
“And on the eighth day, God Created beer
to prevent the Irish from taking over
the Earth.”
~SNOOGANS~
mmmm… flunky.
I’ve got the short part down. Not sure what Konrad looks like though; I believe he remains hidden - sorta like Charlie from Charlie’s Angels.
Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.
– a Celtic motto
Head Honcho? Why don’ you take this one, boss? Crackwise wants to be your flunky.
Kinda like mini-me, only shorter and meaner.
What say?
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
I am not at al suited for secret agent - I am a busty redhead for gawds sake!
I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi
<font size=+3>NEW HIRE ALERT!!!</font>
Sassy,
in case anyone missed it is or newest man trapping secret agent, unless she is the same Cristi that was originally hired in that position. So, in that case, we will call one pf her personalities “Chesty Kopfshmerzen” and the other “Chastity Blowswell”
They both start with “C”, for Cristi, which is also my SO’s name, so there was much rejoicing.
{{yay}}
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
Hey ! Why did my alarm just go off ? Hmmm . . . did someone around here use the words “busty redhead” ? Investigating . . . .
“Solos Dios basta” . . . but a little pizza won’t hurt.
I’d like a raise, please…
Yer pal,
Satan
OK, it’s got to be either Cristi, Chesty, or Chastity. You decide—one personality=one W-4 Form. No exceptions. I don’t make up these rules, but I don’t want to tangle with the Forces of Good and the IRS at the same time.
Kinoons, the stock option are covered in your Evil Minions Pay Schedule and Benefits Package Booklet just after the Family Quality Time and/or Maternity Leave section on Page 8.
For the last time!!....Cool, Razor-sharp, Steel Teeth are *not* covered in the Basic Evil Minion Dental Plan. Look, I'm trying (I'm here for you :)), but I gotta deal with these damn HMOs. Right now, if you want those cool teeth, it's coming out of your pocket.
Chief, I need the operating expenses for one *Eisenhower* class CVN for one year so we can deduct for business expenses. We also either need to fly the Evil Minion Battle Flag *or* use two of those large magnetic signs with Official Evil Minion Logo on the sides of the ship when we conduct Evil Operations.
Satan gets his raise. Like I said previously, I don't care to contend with Hell and the IRS at the same time either. One Dark Force at a time. It's a rule I live by.
Lastly, O Big Kahuna in A Little Coat, I don’t have your W-4 and Direct Deposit Forms yet. C’mon Big Guy, get with the program…
“…send lawyers, guns, and money…”
Warren ZevonUh, little coat dude, do we get any kind of “uniform allowance” or anything?
And just what, exactly, is the dress code around here? Do we get “casual fridays”?
I was wondering if we had some sort of secret code or fight song. I would also like to propose the creation of a group name that is also a cool acronym. Without a cool acronym, it is unlikely we will get to fight the major super heroes, and I don’t want to use my highly cultivated assassin skills on minor league adversaries.
Do you guys still need a Press Officer That Denies The Existence of The Clique (P.O.T.D.T.E.O.T.C.)? I’m really good at that, look at me:
assumes serious facial expression
"You are mistaken. There is no such thing as a Self-Righteous Clique in MPSIMS, nor in any other Forum for that matter. Move along. Nothing to see here. No comment. I already told you."
Whaddayasay?
Coldfire
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
http://www.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/004397.html
SmickD… this Clique I dea fits in my Idea for a James bond Supervillian World Takeover plan in the above thread. sound good?
John Larrigan
“82.35% of all statistics are made up on the spot”–Vic Reeves
My suggestion:
Clique Repellers Anti-defense Program. (C.R.A.P.)
Yer pal,
Satan
And I thought the Church of the Subgenius was confusing. All I can ask is “Huh?”
“Many count their chickens before they are hatched; and where they expect bacon, meet with broken bones.”
–Miguel de Cervantes–
Yes, yes, of course. You’ll be needing an Criminally Insane Doctor to patch up the goons and implant bionic…uhm…appendages where necessary (or simply desired).
Here’s my resume. I have a sample bionic appendage if you’d like to see the quality of my work. My strong points are: a desire to succeed, a complete lack of conscience, a wild hairdo, and a wicked maniacal grin.
I’ll require a fully stocked laboratory, a white smock, and a moronic assistant. If money is an object I can build my own assistant (note: electric bill will be somewhat high that month).
I can start Monday.
The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik
Since I seem to have been 5th runner up for the ‘busty redhead super secret double agent man trapper’ position, can I apply for Ass Toaster? I have complete unfettered access to an acetylene blow torch, and my own safety equipment.
C’mon, can I, please?
Is this job going to require me to wear a blue dress and knee pads? Because if so, I will need a raise. Also, in order to carry out my duties as assistant to the Head Honcho, I will also require an executive petty cash account and a company car, a Mercedes or Jaguar preferably. I will also require a new computer with an encryption program, for those secret memos that the boss will have me draw up every now and then.
Shadowfox
“The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.”
-Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons, “In a Manner that Must Shame God Himself” (Kurt Vonnegut)
Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
Oh, I will also require two hour lunches each day, as my job will require me to go to the beauty salone to keep my hair big and my nails long.
Shadowfox
“The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.”
-Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons, “In a Manner that Must Shame God Himself” (Kurt Vonnegut)
Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
Hotdamn, how many of us busty redheads are there on this board?
Well, I wanna apply for Ass Toaster too - i definitely have the sado-masochistic bit down. Failing that, can I apply for Sexy Secretary Who Is Taken Out On Dates By All The Enemy Agents Hoping To Find Out Secrets During Pillow Talk But She Dispatches Them In Ingenious Ways?