[ul][li]An advanced honors degree from the Bride of Frankenstien School of Science and Medicine[/li]
[li]Graduate courses at the Mata Hari Academy of Subterfuge and Seduction[/li]
[li]Four years in progressively more responsible administrative positions at the Spy vs. Spy Advanced Training Camp in <font color=red>[CENSORED]</font color=red>[/li]
[li]Working (lab) attire consists of a short leather skirt, fishnet stockings and spiked black patent leather heels beneath a tightly-fitted white lab coat (brazenly exposed cleveage optional)[/li]
[li]Type 82 wpm.[/ul][/li] References
Mr. Dick Goodwrench, Head Driver/Satanic Mechanic
Spy vs. Spy Extreme Driving Academy, in <font color=red>[CENSORED]</font color=red>
Hobbies
Re-animation of the dead, reading, hot monkey sex.
StoryTyler
“Not everybody does it, but everybody should.” I Spy Ty.
. . . returning from a refresher course in how to manipulate “bag seasoning” to produce the required toxic fumes from the drones of my bagpipes.
Although I have been a Pipe Sergeant in the Wallace Guard, I have never been a Sergeant Goon, nor do I have the appropriate qualifications, and I would definitely not want to piss off Ursa Major. So I’m glad that the confusion over that was settled on Monday.
As the “Official lard ass piper who is actually really skinny and boney” I have to announce, for the benefit of the women in this organization who need a sex object to lust after (why should the men have all the fun?), that I am not that “skinny and boney”, that I am absolutely scrumptious in a kilt, and that cycling 5000+ miles a year have given me nice calves. In all modesty.
However, I refuse to wear fishnet stockings–they keep snagging on my dirk.
Story - You’re hired. Tell Bluepony that I made an executive decision, and if he wants that special bionic part installed properly he’ll put you on the payroll posthaste. ::maniacal grin::
Konrad,Sir - Thanks for the offer of Wilhelm, Fritz, or Walter, but I believe I have found a much more qualified assistant (see above). I also respecfully ask that my hiring be announced in 40 point type, like everyone else’s. I just wouldn’t feel official without it.
Bluepony - Glad to hear about the insurance thing. Having that available to me will reduce, somewhat, my direct salary requirement from the Clique.
Now, when will that lab be ready? Story and I need someplace to test and store these bionic appendages. If I don’t get them in a climate controlled area soon, though, somebody is gonna get a rusty one.
Man this is great, just great.
Coldfire made me shit my pants when he “fired” me, but I am over it now.
Doctor Jackson, twas I that required the Artificially flavored Chocolate Machine-gun Jubbly implants for your Young frankesteinesque assistant. Implant them posthaste!
All of you must remember to change your signatures, if you see fit, unless you are a secret agent. In this case you should add something to alert fellow SAPs.
IN other news, I now have a tiny tie to go with my little coat, and am interviewing for a promotion with the Head Honcho.
My new position will be Laid Back Guy Who Sits Around Reads Maxim With Feet Up On the Desk While Code Compiles and Doesn’t Seem to Do Anything But is Actually Really Important it’s Just That No One Knows What it is That He Does, Exactly. We are considering titles for this new position that I desire.
And Bluepony, being that he has really participated a lot and made our org better, is promoted to Number-cruncher in Chief. There was much rejoicing.
{{{{{yay}}}}}}
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
I just wanted to point out that while I have been back here apparently reading Black Belt magazine I have been working on the squaernul whatizfidgets, which of course if the key to the survival of the self-righteous clique. Not that I expect any of you to understand what it is exactly that I do. sigh
“Glitch … download” - Glitch’s final action. sniff
Denny’s? You want me to eat at Denny’s??? Christ. If I’m going to do any eating at Denny’s, I’m going to need more in my disguise allowance. I don’t want anyone even thinking they might know me from somewhere.
And I’m going to need a personal trainer. Got to keep in shape between gigs, you know. Perhaps UncaStuart could be of assistance here? Those calves do look nice, indeed.
The Jags are quite nice, and I’d like one very much. Will it be possible to have access to something a bit larger, though? I’m sure some of the people I’ll be seducing are people I’ve seduced before, and some of them, well, have kind of a thing for the backseat of a vehicle. Not my favorite place, but hey, it’s gotten the job done more than once. Oh, I know you said we can’t have the Blaupunkt, but there will be some sort of CD player, won’t there? The radio in these parts really sucks.
“The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his ribcage.” --anonymous redhead
I’m sorry, but that would be too much of a step down from my current position, plus I absolutely refuse to have the required forehead surgery to meet the qualifications. I really could not accept anything lower than Mysterious Stalker. If you continue to insult me with such offers, I will have no choice but to hire someone to send you untraceable packages containing live carp.
Your Official Cat Goddess since 10/20/99.
“I’m a god. I’m not the God–I don’t think.” --P.C.
I just got the accounting all computerized. clickclick … click woops. I think I just bought Bhutan. That was a bad investment… er, I mean GREAT! We just took over over a country! Promotions all around! I’m awarding myself a medal for distinguished leadership and the title of Supreme Commander. Because of the skill required for this dangerous mission every current member of the clique gets “Senior” or “Distinguished” added to their title.
SmickD: I think you can fill out the appropriate paperwork now and announce the hiring of Doctor Jackson in a large font.
Kat: Do you have any experience in the field of deranged-axe-murdering?
Freakin judas on a pogo stick, stop encouraging this ass munch. Its all he has going for him and he will drain it dry. Don’t believe me ? See the “update”. I may not be privileged enough to be a member, but guess what ? I haven’t wanted to be. Sorry. Go peddle your “hey look at me” crap somewhere else. Make a serious post in GQ or GD and maybe I will give a damn. This just serves to show that this MB for all its intelligent participants is the same as the rest. “Say my name and I will follow the ‘baa’ sheep.” Sad. contribute in an intelligent way and the someone may notice you. Me ? I am doing that. Although KelliBelli has even still ignored my creative comments, so I know I have work ahead of me. And Smick ? Maybe you are smarter than me, I have posted on my smarts (limited though they may be) , you begin a stupid popularity contest - we shall see how far you take it.
Geesh Gab…if you got a problem with it take it to the pit…this is not the place to flame. If you don’t like the thread then don’t read it. It’s all in fun.
“Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda
Senior Intern to
El Presidente
Self-Righteous Clique *
While I was at Starbucks getting your double espresso (BTW, where in the hell in my employment contract does it say that part of my job description includes picking up your clothes from the dry cleaners?), the man behind the counter was flirting with me quite persistently. He has also been calling my home and asking me a lot of questions about my job, which I have so far managed to avoid answering. Could you perhaps have somebody look into this? I wouldn’t want our organization to be brought down by a careless remark on my behalf. Thank you so much for your time on this matter.
Shadowfox
“The two real political parties in America are the Winners and the Losers. The people don’t acknowledge this. They claim membership in two imaginary parties, the Republicans and the Democrats, instead.”
-Wampeters, Foma and Granfalloons, “In a Manner that Must Shame God Himself” (Kurt Vonnegut)
“Distinguished” Sexy assistant to Head Honcho,
Self-Righteous Clique
I highly recommend you do your hummers in a Hummer; front or back doesn’t matter, and they come standard equipped with either Blaupunkt or Alpine systems, and your choice of colour, today only, Hot Pink, Electric Purple, or Arrest Me Red.
And now, due the command of the Head Honcho, I give you
<font size=+3> NEWSFLASH
</font>
Hey it’s the fat man here, with some good news. We have more money than Forrest Gump and Gabriels whoring mom put togehter. Our current assets rest stably at
$654,951,159,654,465,357,753,117,321,987,062.48. The first gajillion-odd dollars came from international arms and oil sales, and offshore holding accounts. The $0.48 came from Gabriels whoring mother. Hey every little bit helps, right?
Now for
<font sixe=+3> NEW HIRES
</font>
First and foremost, we want to officially welcome <font size=+1>Doctor Jackson</font> to the Clique {{{yay}}}. I thought this already done, but when I told the Head Honcho about this, he just glared at me and said “Oh Athena? I think the Fat Guy here in a lil coat wants some more ‘Foreskin in the Mother Dictionary’ treatment,”. So I am here posting it again.
Doctor Jackson’s assistant is StoryTyler, I think. Who can keep track of all these things? Whatever… Whoever you are, you’re hired.
Nest we would like to welcome
<font size=+3>KAT</font>
She/he is our newest member and the official title is Raving Axe-wielding Yellow Slicker Wearing Maniac.
That’s all for new hire’s, except the (in case you missed it,) <font size=+2>Everyone is promoted!!!</font> This means that I am not the fat guy in a little coat anymore. I am now the Guy That Sits Next to Glitch While He’s Reading Blackbelt Magazine Reading Maxim With His Feet Up On The Desk And Does The Same Thing (Almost) That Glitch Does, Only No One Knows What It Is…But It’s Really Important.
We are currently taking votes on titles for me to have that are shorter, like Crackwise.
And now…
(drum roll from Monkey boy in corner dressed in Gabriel outfit, i.e. drool on calvin klein t-shirt and piss stained Guess jeans.)
<font size=+3> AWARDS!
</font>
We only have one award this Quarter, folks, and it goes is the Ignorant Asshole Award. May I have the envelope please…
And the winner is…
Gabriel! For his tireless efforts in the field being a pedantic pontificating ig’nant jackass in a thread that is not only harmless but a lot of fun for some of our more prestigious posters, he gets the Asshole of the Quarter award! Lets all give him a hand!
Cuidado! Piso Mojado!
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique
Cool, jab! What position did you have in mind? What are your talents? Skills? Anything? What are you going to do for us?
You need to let us know what you have to offer so we can see if we have a position open for you. Usually, we can find something for folks to do. Just let us know. Noonch.
Fat Guy in a Little Coat,
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique