"Sensory-friendly shopping"--can someone explain?

In My Humble Opinion
41

My wife and I seldom grocery shop in the evening but we needed a few things and we noticed the store seemed awfully dark, but didn’t pay it much mind. We picked up our items and I had gone to look for something a couple isles over and in a ‘sorta’ loud way yelled back at my wife that they’re out of whatever it was. As I was walking back to my wife and the cart a twenty something cashier told me I was being “too loud”. I had no idea of this ‘sensory’ shopping thing either. Anyway, as my wife and I are both mid-60’s plus it was rather humourous to be told to ‘behave ourselves’ by a cashier young enough to be our granddaughter.

:eek::smiley:

42

Supermarkets are overstimulating to the point of almost causing me panic attacks sometimes.
(I’m autistic and I have sensory difficulties that come along with it, among other things.)
I’ll try to describe a typical session in a grocery store for me. Not everything in the following story has happened all in the same day, but it’s a compilation of many things that I experience, and I often experience many of these things.
I walk in. A lot of people walking in all directions. I want to get to the apples, but there’s someone FaceTiming at their cart in front of me, so I try my best to get around them. I get to the apples, and someone there is yakking loudly on their phone and has it on speakerphone, which is sensory hell for me even though I’ve put earplugs in before entering the store.

I finally find apples that I’d like to buy, so I pick them up. A song starts playing that I hate, a song that has a really ugly noise repeated every two seconds. Yeah, I know, we all have to put up with songs or sounds we don’t like, but, well, it’s hard to explain, but autistic people can have very bad aversions to particular sounds/sights/smells, etc. that are often worse than others might experience and sometimes we have a very difficult time tolerating this.

I can’t find an item I want. I’m not good at talking to people, so I spend quite a while looking for the item myself instead of asking an employee. I have to maneuver around other people Facetiming, phone-yakking, phone-staring while standing or walking slowly, or otherwise just being in the way (I don’t know why FaceTiming has become such a popular supermarket activity.)

I come to an aisle where there’s a rapidly flashing light overhead. I really wish someone would fix that light, because I’m already feeling panicky from all the noise, crowding, frustration, and everything else.

Food aversions are a real thing. They’re not allergies, nor are they being picky. Since I have a limited diet because of this (in addition, I’ve recently developed celiac disease, therefore more limitations.) It’s hard to find food I can eat. Cue more hunting around the store for things.

Thinking to myself while shopping:
–Maybe I should’ve gotten a little cart, but I wasn’t sure if there are any clean ones.
–Am I close enough to home that I can bring back frozen/refrigerated food?
–Are other people annoyed by my nervous state of mind?
–Do I have enough room in my bags to carry all of this home?
Then my thoughts get interrupted by loud announcements on the intercom. Sometimes it even sounds like people on the intercom are yelling.

I try to juggle all that I’m carrying to the cash register. In the background is the incredibly annoying sound of a bunch of automated cashes chattering away and making other noises. In front of me is someone taking forever to buy a bunch of useless lottery tickets. I’m already hungry because I’m almost out of food, and I’m wondering how much energy I’ll have to go through the rest of the day or if I’ll be too drained. Everything is ramping up my anxiety.

I pay for the groceries. While trying to find the correct money, the cashier is tapping their fingers. Oh no, I think I’m taking too long! I pull out my bank card and use that instead.

After paying for the groceries, the bagger insists on bagging my items and doesn’t take no for an answer. I’ve learned that instead of using yet more spoons on trying to insist I can pack things myself, the easier thing to do is to let the bagger bag everything, and then unpack and re-pack everything myself, while an alarm of some kind goes off in the store and the broken light is still blinking overhead.

Yes, supermarkets are often difficult for autistic people. We even joke about it amongst ourselves, though it is a serious issue.

I really, really wish that supermarkets around here had sensory-friendly shopping, but there isn’t much in terms of autism services where I live, even though I do live in a big major city.

43

Not to minimize your troubles, but as a Doper, I feel honor-bound to answer questions if I can ;). If you have a picky SO, child, etc. who’ll give you grief if you get the wrong thing facetiming allows them to see thing, thereby letting you off the hook.

44

Emily, thank you for adding to the answers. Your experiences are informative, and help me to understand.

I’ve been thinking about this thread, and the “sensory-friendly shopping” I experienced last Monday. And the experiences and anecdotes that many have contributed. I had to go to the same store today, to pick up a few things, and I think I’m beginning to understand.

The canned Muzak was loud, the phone people were trying to overcome it (“I’ve sent you a photo of the meat case, what package of ground beef do you want, fer chrissakes? What? Tell me again? What?”), the announcements were on (“Price check! Price check on 4!”). A toddler was melting down, screaming and crying, and could be heard all over the store (“I hate this, Daddeee, I wanna go home! Nowww! Wahhh!”) At top volume, I should add.

Thinking about this thread when I was there today, I’ll admit that nothing bothered me. (Well, the toddler’s high-pitched screaming got on my nerves and bothered my ears somewhat, but I could deal, and you gotta get what you gotta get.) But I can now see where this might not be the ideal supermarket experience for some people. I just may try to go to this supermarket during “sensory-friendly” hours from here on. Not that I need to, but because it is a peaceful, quiet, and rather relaxing, shopping experience.

Again, thanks to all for their contributions.

45

GreenWyvern, we haven’t interacted here that I can recall, but I REALLY hope this doesn’t mean what I think it means. If it does, please try to be open one more time.

There are people out there who can, and will, help you. If you PM me and tell me where you are, I can assist with research and maybe contacts. My son has ASD and I’m old friends with the head of one of the centers here (and my wife works with their former IT guy). We can try to get you some names/numbers.

46

I am not on the spectrum, as far as I know.

Just the thought of wet denim rubbing against itself sends shivers down my spine, and your question immediately brought it to mind. :frowning:

Knowing what I know about allergies, asthma, and children, more places should be fragrance-free all the time. Too much perfume in my vicinity and my lungs feel like they are being squeezed. The problem is so many people, usually women, wear enough scent to choke a roach, and nearly visible clouds of the stuff lingers everywhere they go.
I have days in which I give up trying to look normal and wear sunglasses inside the stores because of the lights and the dizzying displays.

47

I don’t like crowds and especially hate having to navigate around the food sample people who are some pushy with their samples. When I used to shop at Costco and Sams’s Club. I’d time my visits to avoid the sample people. Once there was a guy in the supermarket who was really pushing some new kind of milk. He insisted I try some because “It’s really good.”. I thanked him for the offer and told him I can’t try it because I’m lactose intolerant. He looked utterly stunned as I walked away. I would have thought he would have been instructed that some people can’t tolerate dairy products.

48

Better get used to it: as you continue to age, more and more of the people whose jobs require them to deal with your elderly cluelessness will be young enough to be your grandchildren, if not great-grandchildren.

49

The city of Mesa in general and the city-run Arizona Museum of Natural History, where I volunteer, is working on becoming more autism sensitive and aware. To that end, the museum was certified by the IBCCES* and we now have signs in all of the galleries detailing how intense the location is for all five senses. The highest scores for sound are found in the Dino Hall and Lower Ramp, both of which face a three story high life-size diorama with a flash flood every half hour. The ramp is at the bottom of the cascade and gets pretty noisy but rates a only a 5 out of 10. 10 must be at EDM rave level or something.

We also have three pair of kid-sized noise reduction earmuffs at the main desk, and two more little-bitty muffs in the Exploration Station, aimed towards preschoolers.

*IBCCES - International Board of Credentialling [sic] and Continuing Education Standards

50

I would have loved this when my son was little. There were times we just had to leave. He was unable to calm himself. The announcements scared him especially when they’d have that tone before. The bright lights were never an issue for him so much. There was one thing that guaranteed we’d have to just turn around and exit the store. Floor buffers/vacuums. They just terrified him. I couldn’t have a vacuum in the house either.

Another good thing about this special time is that it’s understood that you may have special needs so the employees and other customers won’t be growling and offering parenting advice when your child is squealing and flapping excitedly or getting upset because they don’t understand why they can’t have all of those things they see.

I’m the same as Emily here. For years and years I would have panic attacks while I was grocery shopping. I thought it was a build up to the check out, but really it was just everything building up. The noise, lights, all the choices (executive function issues) the high ceilings, narrow aisles with all the people! It was too much but I thought I was just socially awkward and hated talking to the cashier. When I was diagnosed with autism and started talking to other autistic women I found it’s common for us to be overwhelmed in the store. I realized I held my hands so tight in to fists because I was so anxious. I was so tightly wound the whole time that I was always one decision away from a meltdown. That’s why I’d flee the store, leaving behind a full basket. When I learned to relax my hands and let my fingers move freely and focused on breathing comfortably I was able to make it through and even all the way home without having a breakdown in the car. I even learned I LIKE talking to the cashier if it was a friendly one. But it’s still not easy. I feel myself tensing up and have to make an effort to calm down. I will go sit in the restroom a minute sometimes. If it’s too crowded I might still leave but I won’t be mad at myself for being weak, I just know my limits. The noises will always bother me and the tall ceilings and the constant having to choose, which is especially a struggle if I plan it all out but start finding they don’t have what’s on my list and I have to substitute. It’s really overwhelming! It could really be helpful for me to experience a more peaceful sensory friendly shopping time too. Especially if it meant fewer people in the aisles!

51

That’s what I was thinking.