So, I’ve wondered from time to time over the past 10 or so years why I get a panic attack every time I go to the grocery store. Doesn’t make sense, you know? I’m the cook. I like to cook, I’m good at it, and I like knowing exactly what’s in my pantry. All of that is comforting to me, and you’d think the grocery store would be my playground. But no. Dread in the parking lot, nervous & tense to the point of tears (I’m not a big cryer, so that’s even more disorienting!) stalking the aisles trying wayyy to hard to keep it together, teeth clenched in the checkout, dangerously distracted driver on the way home, and barf most times when I’m safely home. And barfing is no joke with a Nissen fundoplication, lemme tell ya. What the hell, right? Well I finally sussed it tonight. It’s the goddamned 80s soundtrack they play in the grocery store. Doesn’t matter where you go, there’s the same format so it’s not like changing stores will be of much use. If it was on MTV, it’s playing hockey with my hypertrophic amygdala. So, OK I know the trigger now. I even know why it’s a trigger. But here’s the weird part. The antidote: Nicki Minaj. Christ on crutches I hate her music. Can’t find anything redeeming about it. But it chases away the 80s dementors, so what’re ya gonna do?
So sing along everybody! If you got the PTSD or random-assed anxiety attacks, what flips your switch? And how do you like to unflip that sucker?