Would: “Closed casket due to her preferences”
Would not: “Closed casket due to the circumstances”
<applause>
Would not:
“Hazmat team”
“fossilized gerbil”
Would: “Nobel-winning Laureate”
Would not: “feeble, whining idiot”
I assume you were thinking of me, as [thread=505174]I could actually have this in my obit. [/thread]
Would not:
Neighbors were puzzled, having assumed that she had died long prior
…beyond recognition…
would: survived by husband, two children, four grandchildren …
wouldn’t: face was eaten by cats.
I’ve had the same three sentences I don’t want in my obit for several years now. They are: “lifelong bachelor,” “longtime companion,” and “complications from pneumonia.”
Would: . . . was hung peacefully in his sleep.
Wouldn’t: . . . already submitted to the Darwin Awards.
wouldn’t:
…had apparently been dead for several days…
…preceded in death by her son,…
…went to heaven, in the arms of the lord, or any other religious glurge…
…found in a bathtub full of ice…
wouldn’t:
…cruel trick of fate…
…painful and horrific…
…reminiscent of a horror movie…
would:
gently in her sleep
prefers no flowers, just donations to …<insert a charity>
beloved by all
Wouldn’t want:
“…as a result, war was declared…”
“…remains scattered by coyotes…”
“…contractual obligations devolve upon the heirs…”
“…Mafia sources confirm…”
Want:
:: silence ::
Wouldn’t
…postulated by deviant sexuality experts…
wouldn’t:
“…also discovered in the debris field were…”
Wouldn’t:
“…bystanders howled with laughter at the sight, not realizing…”
Would:
“…lived life to the fullest and spent her last quarter the day she died.”
Would:
“…family requests all donations go to AARP…”
Would Not:
“…family requests all donations go to AA…”
Would:
“…fame spread through many countries…”
Would Not:
“…remains spread through many counties…”
Would:
“…legacy will live on as an organ donor…”
Would Not:
“…although he was a registered organ donor, circumstances made it impossible to recover…”
No, thanks:
…at an angle previously considered to be physically impossible…
…crime scene experts remain baffled…
…the horrified onlookers…
…initially seemed hysterically funny, then tragically…
Weird. I’m kinda hoping all of those figure prominently in my obit. :D:D
Wouldn’t:
“… tissue had adhered to the underside of the piano that undertakers were obliged to jerry-rig a makeshift…”
Would:
“… re-written the books on a number of disciplines hitherto considered complete, including 1)…”
Wouldn’t:
“… however, charges were dropped due to the victim’s unwillingness to testify.”
“… described by neighbors as ‘a quiet man who kept to himself.’”
“… Latin American drug cartel.”
“… identified by dental records.”
Would:
“… the funeral was interrupted several times by the wailing of a number of unknown women.”