Would:
…whose recently discovered poems are now causing a buzz…
…with his appetite for frequent sex never having diminished…
…considered remarkably humble for someone with such a remarkable body of works in so many disciplines…
…surprising even his colleagues for establishing the long sort after connection between…
…and whose talent for exceptionally sharp insights into the human condition led to…
Wouldn’t:
…genitals found…
…reached ignition…
…most of the head later located…
…surrounded by his friends, his family and his God.
…surrounded by the local HAZMAT and SWAT teams.
Okay, now that would just be creepy.
A real one:
“The radiation field was so high and so intense, coupled with the initial dose, the bodies were essentially radiation sterilized and would have been per-”
—Idaho Falls: The Untold Story of America’s First Nuclear Accident
The rest of the chapter is worse. :eek:
Would:
Thought leader
Would not:
Loss leader
…was bludgeoned to death by an enraged co-worker screaming, ‘I can’t take the giggling any more!’
“police focused their attention to a Pittsburg landfill in search of his body”
Wouldn’t"
“…stopped the compactor too late. Investigators…”
“…by lightning. Neighbours reported a strangely-hilarious…”
more wouldn’ts:
“… what was thought to be an illuminated scarecrow turned out to be…”
“…the cheese wasn’t cheese and the burger wasn’t beef…”
“…“Taco Bell has a lot explaining to do”, said the discoverer of …”
“…in a tragic attempt to prove that wood chippers have safety interlocks…”
“…the circus’s knife thrower tested nearly .3 for blood alcohol content…”
“…decided to play chicken with a train…”
Would not:
“… the injuries suggest that he must have tried desperately to …”
“… tragically, this was exactly the worst course of action, as feral housecats are known to …”
“… not yet classified, which devours its host from the inside, starting with the spinal cord …”
“… in a pool of his own …”
Would:
“… gave a ‘thumbs up’ gesture, just before running off in the direction the wildebeest had …”
“… it took them three days just to remove the smile from his face.” (stolen from Top Secret!)