would:
“…survived by loving…”
“”…showed us all that we could be…’"
“…mourners smiled through their tears, remembering…”
wouldn’t:
“John Doe, age ##”
“Missing, presumed dead:…”
“…his apparent error, also causing the death of…”
“…murder/suicide, involving…”
“…fatally shot by police, after an apparent misunderstanding…”
Would:
…massive systems failures during the attempted liftoff from the Martian surface…
Wouldn’t:
…peacefully in his sleep…
Wouldn’t:
“…was destroyed; however, his consciousness was accidentally transferred to a teapot…”
Would.
aka “the wad” …
Wouldn’t
died of aids from his porn (gay) career.
John Holmes is the guy I refer to.
Would:
…singlehandedly greatly advanced the sum of human knowledge…
Wouldn’t:
…of painful diseases of the groin…
What if all three phrases were involved? Sounds like a hell of a party.
Would:
“President Obama announced a National Day of Mourning…”
Would not:
“President Obama announced a National Day of Celebration…”
Would:
“…mourned by his family and many friends…”
Would not:
"…mourned by his family, friends, and several farm animals…’
Would:
“…a moving and heartfelt eulogy was delivered by a number of major religious figures, including His Holiness the Pope and the Dalai Lama…”
Would not:
“…a moving and heartfelt eulogy was delivered by Fred Phelps…”
Regards,
Shodan
Would:
“…transferred into a custom-made cyborg body…”
“…beyond the boundaries of the solar system…”
“…long known as the world’s healthiest senior…”
“…heroically…”
Wouldn’t:
“…brain-eating fungus…”
“…was alive and conscious the entire time…”
“…well-known subject of public mockery…”
“…thick, red jelly…”
What, you don’t expect to last longer than his Presidentship? Or are you talking about President Sasha Obama?
By that time he’ll have enacted his insidious plan and become President-For-Life (although why **Shodan **would want to end up admired by Obama is another question for antoher forum entirely).
This thread keeps almost getting me in trouble at work because I keep giggling.
Really? I think most people would prefer to die peacfully during sleep.
This reminds me of one of Fark.com’s Headlines of the Year from two years ago: “Bear attack victim remembered as having ‘tender heart’ by family, friends, bear”
Would:
“…with those who loved him at his side.”
“…contributions can be made to a scholarship named in his memory at the university he saved from bankruptcy, …”
Wouldn’t:
“…was electrocuted while trying to fix a toilet…”
“…drowned while taking a bath…”
“…it is believed the deceased tripped over a cat while walking down the stairs. The deceased was found at the bottom of the staircase with the cat yelling at him.”
…limbs torn from her torso…
…just short of humorous…
“…U.S. Forest Service Rangers found the badly decayed corpse in a remote, crude shack.”
“…died in the fiery collision, taking all forty passengers on the bus with him.”
“…having apparently choked on an inadequately chewed pretzel…”
“… multiple Pulitzer prize-winning composer…”
“…beloved husband and honored citizen…”
“…with an impressive and influential legacy difficult to overestimate…”
Wouldn’t:
“…inspired the upcoming horror movie…”
“…assailants are believed to have taken the skin with…”
“…giant spiders…”
“…intestines extracted though the anus…”
“…eyeballs exploded…”
Wouldn’t:
“…unwillingly inflated by…”
“…embarassed investigators reported that…”
“…corpse was pointed out in the exhibit by terrified toursts…”
“…the lion was quite posessive of…”
“…pallet was lifted from his upper…”
“…for drugs, they searched his bodily…”
“…and then went viral…”
“…which he had designed himself, collapsed…”
“How he managed to get the badger…”
“…was later determined to be part of his spinal column”
“…A lumpy slurry the consistency of…”
“…originally mistaken for some kind of exotic lunchmeat. By the time they realized their error…”
Compare it to my would.
Wouldn’t:
“…two-week search was called off. But then, amusingly…”
“…bloody itching…”
“…found hanging, fully erect. Startled shoppers…”
“…swarm of feral chihuahuas…”
“…smell of formic acid about the eyes. Investigators recoiled…”
“…found tangled in her bedclothes…”
“…a chicken, a trapeze, and a litre of canola oil.”