I’ve seen an annoyingly large fraction of people reversing the “I’ve never [done some thing] let alone [some more extreme thing]” phrase.
Like:
“I’ve never been out of the country, let alone my own state”
Or “Movie X wasn’t the best movie of the year, let alone the best movie of its own genre”
For these people, I wouldn’t even piss on them if they were on fire, let alone give them the time of day.
Dear friend, my husband and I love you very much. You’re a good person, and we were as blindsided as you were when your husband, also considered a dear friend of ours, left you after over a decade of marriage. He didn’t return our calls or E-mails (barring one text consisting of “oh, you heard. Talk to (friend), she needs someone right now.”) so we weren’t able to answer your plaintive wails of “He’s leaving me, why is he leaving me?!”
That being said, it’s been about a year since he dropped the bomb on you. Since then, a few months ago, you started seeing a great guy who, from what we can tell, thinks the world of you. He’s also been divorced so he knows what it’s like. We’re just a little worried, though. I know this was coincidentally the week that your divorce became final and you had to go to court, and though we really hadn’t planned on spending our vacation week in your part of the country as “help keep (friend)'s mind off the big event” week, we did it because we care about you. We really didn’t expect a word-for-word replay of your first cry to us when my husband asked about when the exact day was and you started talking about it, only to burst into sobs again and come out with “Why is he leaving me?!” all over again.
We did find out later from you, though, that he did tell you, at least to some extent. He said he wasn’t attracted to you any longer. Plus he had job issues, you had health issues. His history of stuff like that in his family makes him gunshy of dealing with someone else’s health problems - it doesn’t excuse it (you’re a jerk to leave a spouse who is trying to work on things like that), but it certainly is a possible explanation! What you do know is, he doesn’t want to be with you. He abandoned you.
Admittedly, my husband and I haven’t been through divorce ourselves, but my husband saw it with one of his sisters and she was waaaaaaay past that stage by almost a year later. Maybe your case is different; we understand that. Maybe it’s just old pain due to that both couples were so close and our still being married is a painful reminder.
We’re going home soon after what became a semi-stressful vacation for us. Please talk to your therapist - you are seeing one, right? - about this burst of old emotions. You’ve only really been vibrant around your boyfriend and I worry he may be a crutch for you to avoid dealing with those bad feelings. Both of you deserve better.
No, they didn’t. They aired a commercial for a video game that was released a few days ago. And the only commercial they have features a ten-pack of Playboy Playmates… http://hub.guitarhero.com/
I don’t know what you saw, but it wasn’t a Christmas commercial. Rant fail.
You need to report him to the superintendent. That’s totally unacceptable!
You do not need to strut around the locker room ass-naked for as long as possible, for fuck’s sake. Have a slight shred of dignity, admit to yourself that no one wants to see your pasty old-woman tits flapping all over, and use a fucking towel.
Oh, this just pisses me off. I really love my husband, and probably never shut up about him, but if he doesn’t want to come home until 2am sometimes, I don’t give a shit, I’ve got my own life.
ETA: Right, my rant. I hate having mentally ill family members. I hate being worried sick about them. I hate being worried sick about them one day before beginning graduate school. I hate being anxious anytime I start anything new. This would ostensibly be one of the most joyous times of my life, but instead I’m having nightmares at 2am and feel like I’m perpetually falling and terrified of failure. In a week I’ll be fine, it’s just this thing I do during life transitions. But goddamn.
Why is there no Lego marketed for little girls over the age of four? My daughter would love some princess Lego, or fairy Lego or something similar. Fer chrissakes you’ll make money on the stuff, just get on it already!
People who are nice to others while driving are going to be the death of me. Like the guy in the SUV Saturday night who decided to be “nice” and stop to let a guy in a big van back out of a driveway. Problem was that I didn’t know why the SUV suddenly stopped because I couldn’t see past him until driveway guy, who also couldn’t see around stopped SUV guy, nearly backed into me while I was pulling up to the lights in the left hand turn lane. I don’t know why he needed to back the van straight out into both lanes, but it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know I was there.
People who are nice instead of driving like a normal person endanger others by acting unpredictably. How many times does that need to be said before people get it?
How old is your kid? I suspect by that time, the Christmas ads may be coming out in July. Just sayin’.
Probably a few more times. Today I was stopped at a stop sign and had a driver on the road with the right-of-way pull up and wave me through. How very nice but stupid of them.
Do all your shopping…at Walmart!
So I’m on the bus. All the seats are taken, and there are some people standing in the aisle. Oh wait, is that an empty seat? Oh, no, your bag is there. God forbid I make you put your precious bag on the floor so I can sit down! Clearly all these people standing in the aisle would rather stand the whole ride than deprive your bag of its own seat.
Yes, yes, I can just ask the guy to move his bag. But is common courtesy something I should have to ask for? I tend to think in situations like this that the decent thing to do should be obvious enough, but perhaps I overestimate people.
Also extend this rant to people who sit in the aisle seat while the space next to them is empty. I like my personal space as much as the next person, but if you’re taking public transportation, you’re going to have to make sacrifices or end up looking like a jerk.
Rant-by-proxy for a friend.
Building a computer with me supervising does not make you a hardware guy.
By extension, if a computer won’t power on, disconnecting all cables. including the wires connected to the power switch, and pulling all the jumpers on the motherboard is not an appropriate troubleshooting technique.
We do not answer the telephone during meals. We just don’t. So, family, calling back three, four, five or even six times will not suddenly induce us to pick up the phone when you ring. Especially you, mom, when you’ve left the message that you’re bored and just called to chat. I love you, but I have no qualms about shutting off the ringer.
And to my technical design team - must I really draw you a damn diagram (literally) every single time I need to make a change to my product? Isn’t that what you’re here for? Perhaps you could, I dunno, think for yourselves for maybe one measly second so I don’t have to map something out for you and get shot down five ways 'til Sunday. Trust me - I’ve got absolutely no problem drawing you a picture if you don’t understand what I want. But since YOU built our platform and I have absolutely no technical qualifications, it should be much faster for me to tell you what I need, then you provide me recommendations based on your knowledge of our system. That you built.
Also, I could really do without the pregnancy hot flashes. I didn’t have them with my son, so imagine my surprise and overwhelming delight when I’m sitting in the middle of a freaking meeting with my boss and suddenly am almost dripping sweat. It’s fan-fucking-tabulous. Bad enough that I have them at night when I’m already being kicked so hard that I jerk awake about three or four times in addition to the two or three times I have to get up to pee, now I get to ooze in front of people at the office. And speaking of being kicked, I do wish my co-workers would stop goggling at me for having to work standing up. I’ve got a ninja in my gut, dammit.
To you, our middle managers: It is now September. Why am I still having to check your work and notify you on mistakes on a report we’ve been doing for almost a year? You all pretty much make twice as much as me. Check your work!
Dear sister whom I adore: I’m happy you’ve found a home with your new church. I’m so proud of you and the work you have done, and it makes me feel good that your church makes you feel good. You know I support you even though we don’t agree on this subject. I am an athiest. You know that. Stop inviting me to services. I don’t care if you think I’ll get something out of it. I respect your right to your beliefs. Respect mine.
Dear colleague: I’m sure you’re a nice lady, and that your grandchildren and dog adore you. I truly don’t mind having extra work to do when I relieve you from your shift. I know that you have health issues, so it’s okay that you don’t usually manage to take care of a few physical tasks like cleaning the breakfast room or washing out coffee urns. When I come in to work the overnight shift, I always have plenty of time to do such jobs - saves me from dying of boredom some nights! I don’t even mind having to sort out your weird filing system - trying to figure out why you’ve filed room # 262 under #314 is a nice little mental exercise some nights!
But please, for the love of all that’s holy, learn how to actually put the new roll of bathroom tissue on the spindle! It’s such a minor little thing, but such a sure-fire way to make me completely, utterly, foaming-at-the-mouth, stark-staring mad! You’re sitting right there, within easy arm’s reach, for the few seconds that are required for such a minor process… Why can’t you just put the new roll on? Is it really that much easier to just leave it sitting on the back of the toilet or on the counter?
Minor? Check! But so, soo, sooo, terribly annoying!
What fuckery is this, HP? I am trying to save money, so I just bought a black ink cart for the printer instead of that and a colour one. So I take out the old carts, stick in the black one, and you will not let me print! Not even when I ticky the option that says ‘print using black ink cart only’! So I fish through the garbage for the old, dead colour cart, stick it back into the printer, and you magically let me print in black!
Seriously. Just…what. I have to keep a placeholder ink cartridge?