After a practice post, I intended post my first real thread…and technology tripped me up. My preview looked fine, but when I posted submitted my new thread, the thread appeared, but the OP was gone!. Oh well, you know what they say: the only thing idiot-proof technology does is make better idiots. But even with no OP, it still made for a pretty interesting thread.
So now, for all of you who are dying to see what my OP was (and I know you are out there) here you go:
Questions we refuse to answer – Answered!
Q: Why do we need a hot water heater? If it’s hot it doesn’t need to be heated.
A: No, no, no, it is a hot water heater, not a hot water heater. It is hot because otherwise it would be a cold water heater, and that wouldn’t make any sense, would it?
Q: How can we have jumbo shrimp?
A: There are many ways we can have jumbo shrimp. We can have it sauteed, deep fried, grilled, pickled, glazed, barbecued, stir-fried, baked, boiled, deviled, and curried.
Q: Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
A: A phonetic is an involuntary spasm one gets upon answering the phone and discovering it is the mother-in-law. So why should it be spelled the way it sounds?
Q: Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
A: My nose runs because my feet smell.
Q: Why does quicksand work slowly?
A: I got caught in quicksand once, in the Snake River canyon in Idaho, and trust me, it doesn’t work slowly, it sucks you right down. Only in the movies will you find a slow, agonizing descent into quicksand.
Q: Why are boxing rings square?
A: The word “ring” in this sense is a remnant from the days when people would form in circles to watch a boxing match.
Q: Why, when lights are out, they are invisible, but when the stars are out, they are visible?
A: This question shows one of the things that has fueled my love of English. We can look at the sentences “The lights are out” and “The stars are out” and understand instantly and without thinking that the word out has two, contradictory meanings in these contexts. We learn to do this seemingly without effort; this type of thing happens endlessly in English (and in these questions!). The endless variety of English never fails to amaze me.
Q: Why do we call them apartments when they are all together?
A: The word apartment comes from a French word meaning “separate.” I figured the French were behind it.
Q: If cows laughed, would milk come out of their noses?
A: No, but cud would.
Q: Why does Denny’s have locks on the door if it’s open 24 hours?
A: For when they see African-Americans coming.
Q: Why do ships carry cargoes and cars carry shipments?
A: For profit, usually.
Q: When will a building actually become a built?
A: Since built is past tense and building is present tense, a building has already been a built.
