You note that I didn’t say this, but I want to reiterate that it’s you and not me who is making this leap of logic. I actually feel bad for you if, in your eyes, one can’t look at a baby or a child and think that it’s cute, without you wondering what their motives are. I don’t intend for that to sound condescending. It’s just how I feel.
hapaXL you raise some interesting and valid points. I think that your comments can be nicely summed up with what you say here:
I can’t sit here and say that I will be the greatest father the earth has ever seen, but you can rest assured that I have thought long and hard about this issue, as well as other issues I foresee my future children will have to face. Having a loving father and mother together in the same house. Not having to worry about anything financially. Spending time with them. Reading to them. Being forthright and nurturing to them about all issues, including their race and heritage.
Sound hokey? Maybe. But I think that with a strong home life, there isn’t much that kids can’t do.
Jesus effin christ, now I sound like a 50 year old member of Focus on the Family. thanks a bunch. :mad:
The remainder of my thoughts on this topic are 100% first-hand observation and conjecture. Do not in any way misinterpret them as FACT.
Every multiracial person I can think of, I’ve found to be very talented or good looking, or both. I went to school with this guy Charles (mulatto): good-looking, great designer and very confident. Saved a guy’s life who was drowning in the Milwaukee River a few years back. I just met this girl (Jewish/Mexican) at an office party this last weekend. Strikingly beautiful, very intelligent and deeply thoughtful. We stayed up til 5 in the morning just talking. Finally, there is my niece and nephew (European/Bangladeshi) who are not only both good-looking, but academic superstars. She is in Mensa and he only missed it by a few points.
Now, I don’t believe in stereotypes and the one being illustrated here is no more true than any other sterotype; they are just my own personal experience. Though it makes me think about how kids are supposed to be screwed up if family member gets with family member. It makes me wonder if the more varied the DNA, the richer the result.
Me? I’m a mix of German and Norweigan, supposedly the Aryan wet dream, but believe me when I tell you that there is nothing ‘ideal’ about me.
All the interacial people I’ve known do have their own stories about people berating them for it (has anyone here not been berated for something or another?) And I think that the cultural diversity and tolerance inherent in such a family will put any kid way ahead of the pack in terms of compassion for other human beings.
FWIW, racerx, the beauty of multiracial children was only one part of my emphasis. The general context celebrated the casual, everyday happiness of parents who wouldn’t have been tolerated as mates before and the uniqueness of their children. Sure, every child is unique and packed fulla potential. But for far too long the mere possiblity of multiracial children was held as the ultimate (and idiotic) taboo. I can remember people asserting, serious as a heart attack, that children of interracial unions would be piebald; marked, in fact, almost sports of nature. They’re the best refutation that “ideal” children resemble the label on Gerber jars.
The fact that these kids (and their families) exist, they’re just fine and in many cases more than fine is a real triumph, IMO. Sheesh, these kids are just KIDS–and that’s the whole point. In my observation some are mischievious, some are studious, some are total little pissants; you know, the regular human gamut. But they most assuredly are NOT sports of nature.
hapaXL nailed the serious issue of cultural identity dead-on. IMO, that’s where the real challenge lies. Seen it happen w/ friends of mine, e.g. white/black and Hispanic/white: where do I fit in when I’m both and not totally one thing? Not easy, sometimes. But not unanswerable either, I hope.
An illustration: some tension existed in my Ex’s Norwegian family because 2 generations ago his grandmother “married outside”: she married a Swede. Lest you think I’m joking, this was a big deal in an insular, rural community. Even though it’s mostly settled into comfortable family folklore a titch of “typing” still goes on. That branch of the family is considered flightier. Forget the fact that some of the cousins married non-Scandanavians (like me). The branch that broke the barrier first is regarded differently, just because they did it first.
BTW, thanks for the kind words, folks. Same right back atcha.
I just felt the need to toss in my two cents here. 11 years ago, after I attended the wedding of my stepsister, to a black man, (who by the way is/was and most probably will forever be, a gorgeous specimen of MAN) my mother made some out-dated and ignorant comment about “how she’ll feel sorry for the children” and backed it with a weak statement of how they’d be picked on in school growing up. This coming from a woman who, according to her was 5’7" by the time she was in 6th grade. I got huffy and assured her the kids would be the most gorgeous kids she had seen, as there is no such thing as separate races. One race, the human one. As a side note, she now adores her half Jewish/BLack grandchildren to pieces. (Her Son-in law still seems to delight in embarrassing her however, which I find funny as hell!)
Looks thing…why do we bring it up?..when people used to thing of bi-racial children they’d think of some weird striped creatures, whereas now we have seen how the blending of diffent ancestry can create stunning beauty AND intellect. It’s just easier to comment on the beauty part when they are too young to speak.
My 2 cents (dammit! I bought my keyboard in Asia, and there’s no “cents” symbol!!):
My fiancee is Korean (I’m Caucasian), and I don’t see any problems with (nor would I feel sorry for) our children. If they’re lucky, they would take after her, 'cause I’m an ugly SOB (I have other qualities that make up for it ).
We have decided NOT to have children, for a variety of reasons (NONE of which have to do with race issues; mostly our admittedly selfish desire to remain relatively unfettered), but should we change our minds later… so be it! And I’m sure they’ll be just as cute and smart as the children of other people I know (boy am I getting tired of hearing about it! I have contemplated starting a Pit-thread about it several times…).
Well, if one is not willing, because of ‘race’ to have children, then it is about relationships.
No, and it bloody well shouldn’t. If it does, you should re-examine your internal dialogue on ‘race’ and the relationship.
Well, barring marrying within some little homogenous group, that’s always something of an issue.
Growing up is a pain in the ass no matter what. Given. Sense of identity is a pain, given. Two different worlds, that depends on the parents.
And likely to give a kid a hard time regardless of ‘race’… Fuck em.
Who’s throwing anyone into a war? Sounds like you should reexamine some subtext to your attitudes.
If you have a solid relationship that is would normally lead to kids, then fuck the racists. (e.g. Astroboy arriving at not having children for other reasons is part of the normal relationship equation.)
…phew! I was really anxious about opening this thread, but IMHO this has been a useful discussion. I am not going to comment on everything that has gone before (although being married to someone “of different race” and having “biracial children” enables me to share an insight on our experiences).
I just wanted to ask all of us in those “interracial relationships”: do you really see your S.O. as someone of a different race? This might sound odd to some of you, but I look at my wife and I don’t see it. People have to raise questions like those above before I mentally process it - when they do, I think, “oh yeah! she is a different race! Well how about that!”. To me, she is just my wife.
Did we think about it? Sure, we thought about everything before we decided to start a family. Did it stop us? Nah.
I think a lot of the issue of “problems” comes from the couple’s own attitude. Mrs. Kunilou is about as comfortable with being non-white in a predominantly white society as you’re going to get. She ASSUMES that people accept or reject her on factors other than race and she ASSUMES that an asshole would act like an asshole whatever race she was. And when it turns out the interaction was racially tinged, she has enough equilibrium to move on.
She’s passed that attitude along to our kids and there haven’t been many problems. (Frankly, I can only remember one playground incident, and the bullies were just that – bullies. If they hadn’t taunted my son about being a “gook” they would have found something else, just like they did with the white kids.)
Yes, my family did ask “what about the children?” when we got married, and yes, they do accept them whole-heartedly now. Frankly, as screwed up as some of my nieces and nephews are, my kids are a welcome relief.
I’m white, my wife is Japanese. We don’t intend to have children, but it has nothing to do with race; we just don’t like children.
It has never occurred to me to have reservations about bi-racial children, but then I’ve never lived anywhere it would be too unusual (or, perhaps, I just haven’t noticed other peoples’ problems with it).
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