In the midst of trying to decide between using a friend/family or a process server, I get the following unsolicited message from my family member:
Lazy, scared and people with no friends use process servers.
Wow, thanks for the input, rude one.
What say you guys?
I can’t imagine a situation where I would use a family member or a friend rather than a process server. Especially not a divorce.
Is the family member from whom you got the message volunteering?
Regards,
Shodan
Weird message. Sometimes it’s best to use a pro depending on the situation and the people involved.
That said, there were two occasions where I served papers on a business for two different friends of mine. I had a friendly divorce so we just got a mutual friend to sign the paperwork and “serve” the ex.
I gave my ex the divorce papers myself. As unpleasant as that was, I felt it would be difficult for him if I had a process server. That is, as I assumed he would be served during business hours, it would be unpleasant/embarrassing for him to get served at work with co-workers around, etc.
I suppose if I had had reservations about doing it myself (feared for my safety, afraid of a scene, etc.) then I would have asked a friend/family member to do it. Hiring a process server would have been a last resort, but mostly because I’m cheap and wouldn’t want to spend the extra money. 
I think any family member or friend who would be willing to serve divorce papers is probably the last person you want doing so.
My husband and I are in the midst of breaking up. I’d be serving them in person unless there was a physical threat of harm.
Concur. In my county, IIRC, you either do it yourself and include an extra notarized form or the sheriff’s office does it. Because the city and county governments here are all but unified, that’s one of the few jobs the sheriff’s office still has.
Why?
Given a relatively amicable divorce, it makes no sense waste money on a professional process server. Just have a friend do it.
“As you’re looking over these papers, I’ll be opening a bottle of wine. You’re bound to need someone to … er … comfort you.”
I think people who use process servers are considerate people who don’t want to call in silly favors from family members and friends that may bring them into a potentially dramatic situation.
That’s a pretty big given we’re starting out with here.
Amen!!!
Also, with regard to serving them yourself, I don’t know about other states, but here in California, you cannot serve them yourself, it has to be someone else.
I’m pretty sure I could say it’s an amicable divorce. I mean no, he doesn’t want it, but has not said one peep about it in the 4 years since I left him. He currently lives with me, so I’d say I need to worry much more about the actual getting him to move out, than the being served part.
Another thing is that process servers sometimes aren’t exactly the fastest, and someone doing their own divorce isn’t exactly going to jump to the top of their pile. I have some attorney friends and, at least around here, it usually takes about two weeks or so. If they really need things served quickly, they have someone in the office do it.
Uh, yeah. I have to agree. I mean, serving him should put him on notice that he’s going to have to find a new place to live. (And if he’s not paying rent, that’s going to be a substantial financial hit. He could get upset. Stay safe.)
In that vein, (ha ha I Googled to find the correct spelling of that word and found a SDMB thread about it), perhaps I could have our 18 year old “serve” him? Or would that be putting too much of an emotional weight on her? Or would she be considered a party to the divorce, because I was told it has to be someone who is not a party to the divorce.
I believe the Wake County Sheriff’s office served my ex-wife, but that was nearly twenty years ago.
I don’t know anything about serving papers, but I think that’s a terrible idea.
Yeah, my ex-wife’s parents were living in Wilson County when they split up and ex-MIL had the sheriff’s office serve ex-FIL. Maybe it’s a North Carolina thing.
Colorado is pretty laid back. You don’t need a witness or any particular official to marry you–the two of you can ‘self-solemnify’ and do the paperwork at the DMV later. Similarly, the court is happy enough to have his & her notarized signatures on the divorce petition–no service or attorneys required.
I downloaded and filled out my divorce petition during lunch on a Monday, got my signature notarized over lunch on Tuesday, handed the papers to Wife 1.0 Tuesday after work and said, “Please get me a notarized signature by Friday” and went upstairs to start packing. Easy Peasy. I’d be lying if I denied feeling a certain grim satisfaction in dealing the coup de gras to the marriage myself, it would be a shame to waste that by using a disinterested process server. Of course, if I suspected she was going to smack me with a stick or something I’d have left first and paid a stranger take the hit.