As you’re well aware, it snowed pretty damned heavily on the East Coast on Tuesday.
My housemates took this as a good reason to stay inside all day. I, however, as a smoker, trundled back and forth between the pristine, heated, “don’t your dare smoke in here” house, and the cold, snowing, “but at least I can pray to the great god Nicotinus” outdoors.
At one point after returning from outside, my housemate Arthur asked, “So how deep has the snow gotten?” I estimated about six inches.
Arthur went out later to get the mail and realized that we had actually gotten around eight to ten inches by that point. When he came back inside, he turned to me and said, “John, you’re the only man I know who would underestimate how much ‘six inches’ is.”
So, anyone else walked into a perfect punchline lately?
JMCJ
Just confirming that my ass is, in fact, the wisest part of my body.
I bought strawberries for dessert the other day, and they were in one of those horrible clear plastic boxes that snap shut. I struggled with it for a couple of minutes, never quite managing to open it and finally asked outloud, “why can’t I open this darn thing?”
My roomie looked at me and asked, “do you want a list?”
This sort of thing would, of course, never happen to me.
But remember that the very next time a friend or acquaintance says “Is there something wrong with me, or is there a funny smell in this room?” or “Am I crazy, or do I hear the telephone ringing?”, remember that the ONLY answer is
“Which question did you want me to answer first?”
– Thanx and a tip of the hat to Groucho Mark, in A NIGHT AT THE OPERA.
My aunt and uncle were visiting and they had some wine. After my aunt opened it, she went to the garbage and started shaving off part of the cork. She got frustrated and said, “Why do they make these things swell after they hit the air?”, and my uncle said, “They must have modeled it after your butt”.
MaryAnn
I wore a peekaboo blouse. He peeked and booed.
Me, another RN and a doctor are standing around the drug locker. It has a password system for “inventory control.” The doc says,
"yeah, I can’t get into that, I tried typing in ‘God’ and it wouldn’t open.’
so I replied,
“but isn’t that backwards?”
Hee Hee