You still seem to be thinking of us as trapped or stupid somehow; we’re depressing because we like a clean home. You know, my home is my environment. It’s where I spend a lot of my time and where I go to relax and feel happy. Why is it depressing that I value a clean, nice environment? If fish and frogs need the right habitat to be happy and healthy, why not people?
Now, I suspect that a lot of the people here who appreciate housework do have children; kids make enormous amounts of mess and it often feels like they’ve taken over the house and that I’m trying to hold back the tide. I can make the bedrooms beautiful and by nightfall they’re covered in Legos again. (Toys everywhere, btw, do not make a bedroom sexier.) Some people here who appreciate housework do not have children, but they still like a nice environment to relax in.
To most people, the mundane everyday things are what make the marriage. If my mundane world has a considerate husband in it, doing little tiny everyday things like massaging me at bedtime, doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed every night, that’s all cumulative and makes up the atmosphere of my life; I have a background of happiness. Large gestures are not what counts most of the time, but “mundane things” that make up our everyday lives. Likewise, what makes my husband know that I love him are little things like making his OJ and making sure to give him the little things he likes.
I guess I don’t find it depressing, but normal and kind of nice–to think about people appreciating each other and trying to do little things to show love. If your tastes aren’t the same, that’s fine, but there’s no reason to consider the rest of us to be oppressed housewives.
Agreed. I’m the luckiest, happiest woman alive, with a beautiful, clean living space kept that way because of a husband who adores and respects me.
I’ve lived in a clutter created and perpetuated by a SO. There was nothing worse to come home to after a long day, knowing family couldn’t drop by because of the mess, knowing it wasn’t going to get cleaned up because I was exhausted, knowing that we were living in filth, and unless I wanted to drop dead doing it, it was never going to get any better. I spent many days crying, exhausted and depressed - feeling hopeless.
I appreciate the value of a clean home, and when my husband makes those gestures, it shows me how much he really cares about my peace of mind. These are the little, kind, sweet things that, to me, make a marriage wonderful. Material things are nice surprises, but not necessary for our relationship. When he cleans the house, he proves to me what an amazing, thoughtful man he is, without spending a dime. He can spend money if he wishes, but his considerateness towards me will last much longer than that box of chocolates, and worth more to me than the cute teddy bear.
And he gets laid either way, so what is there to be depressed about?
I would have never agreed with this article until I met my current SO…who in the course of his entire life has never cleaned the whole house. He is just mentally incapable of cleaning. He doesn’t have any sense that dropping garbage on the floor is wrong. When he goes to pick one item up, he’ll somehow manage not to pick up any of the items next to it. It’s crazy and frustrating.
It makes me crazy. He’s a homebody. To him home is a place to let loose. I’m not a homebody and I expect my home to be a haven of relaxation and peace. And it’s hard for me to really relax when I’m worrying about stepping on crap and half the bed is covered in junk. It really is a major issue that degrades my quality of life in a very real way. I absolutely hate the feeling like I’m walking around picking up after my
I would have never agreed with this article until I met my current SO…who in the course of his entire life has never cleaned the whole house. He is just mentally incapable of cleaning. He doesn’t have any sense that dropping garbage on the floor is wrong. It’s not laziness, it’s some kind of mental block. When he goes to pick one item up, he’ll somehow manage not to pick up any of the items next to it. It’s crazy and frustrating. Even when he is at arm’s length from a trashcan, he’ll still let his desk pile up with disguting stuff like chewed gum.
It makes me crazy. He’s a homebody. To him home is a place to let loose. I’m not a homebody and I expect my home to be a haven of relaxation and peace. And it’s hard for me to really relax when I’m worrying about stepping on crap and half the bed is covered in junk. It really is a major issue that degrades my quality of life in a very real way. I absolutely hate the feeling like I’m walking around picking up after my SO.
In anycase, yeah, if he cleaned the house it would knock my socks off, because it means he truly made an effort to do something that doesn’t come easy to him.
Mentally incapable. My husband has tried that on me!
My husband isn’t too bad with the clutter, but he doesn’t feel he contributes to the general filth that is generated in a house. Dishes, laundry, toilet and tub scrubbing, vacuuming, etc. He feels if he doesn’t leave a trail of clutter, somehow it’s MY job to do the rest of the work. Feh. If all I had to do was pick up socks and underwear, I’d never complain. It’s the CLEANING that pisses me off.
I’m not trying to come down on you – I think I understand where you’re coming from. But I think you may also be missing the point that other folks are making here. I don’t think it’s the housework itself that is such a turn-on or major issue for the women here. It’s that their husbands or SOs took some time to think about what would truly make them smile, something that showed a little effort. This, as opposed to just plopping down $50 on what some TV commercial told them they ought to buy for a lady. For some women, that display of effort might actually be flowers and candy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just the idea of a thoughtful, meaningful gift rather than something generic. IMO, anyway.
Granted, I think there are at least a couple of women in here who find the housework itself sexy, but I think Jakeline would laugh me out of the neighborhood if she saw me in an apron.
I think we’re saying the same thing. This is exactly what I find depressing - that it appears that so many men are apparantly such slobs that doing housework is a better gift to their wives than, say, a romantic evening out or a massage or flowers & chocolate or whatever floats their boat.
To put it another way: there’s stuff that’s everyday stuff, and there’s stuff that’s special stuff. Giving housework as a gift seems to be in the same category of giving a microwave or a vacuum cleaner as a gift. Those aren’t gifts - they’re normal everyday necessities, as is housework.
And lest I put all the blame on the men, in fairness I know women who go overboard as far as the housework stuff. I’m all for having the house clean and reasonably tidy - but I also think that people who think their house has to look like something out of House Beautiful all the time at the risk of marital happiness ought to take a step back and re-prioritize. A stack of books in the corner or some crumbs on the counter isn’t going to kill anyone. Go jump in bed instead, if that’s what you’re in the mood for.
