No. On the other hand, I don’t care about champagne and roses either, and my reaction to a guy who produced either of the above would be a slightly confused “Oh, well, that’s nice, I guess.” I’d be more likely to thank him for the champagne and roses, though, as it would probably register eventually that it was, in fact, meant to be a gift, whereas if he cleaned the apartment I would simply assume that he wanted it clean.
This probably explains why I am permanently single 
<<Guy speaking>>
Nothing at all wrong with that. What the guy needs to do is get out of the usual stuff and do something that means something to you.
Last great thing I did, for example, was while my wife was away at some function…I got some genuine proscuitto, importes cheeses, etc., and greeted her at the door in a tuxedo. Escorted her to a fold-out table in the middle of the living room with a white table cloth on it, with the goodies, no lights, just candles, and I acted as the maitre’d (spelling?). I did not eat with her, but served her, with sparkling cider (we don’t drink), and a very affected french accent. I roke her bread, buttered it, and took especial care to explain the origins of each cheese and the proscuitto, and was very formal and untouchable for the whole meal.
Hey, I’d never done this before, ever. But it was a great success for my wonderful wifey. Just something to think about.
(And yes, afterward, I massaged her feet with lotion and oil, then poured her into bed, and NO, I did absolutely not have sex with her. Then)
Meh. I care so little about housework that it now falls upon my dearest to be the homemaker. He is excellent because he does care. I fail to notice things like the dishes have been sitting in the sink for three days, he’s polishing the lintels or something. Does it make me desire him more? Er. Probably simply from the more time to sit around eating bonbons and contemplating the Platonic fineness of his ass or something. I think about sex a lot anyway. We have about equal drives, he thinks he initiates sex more, I think changing into something blatant should count as me initiating it, so whatever.
I came home yesterday to a clean house, a bunch of tulips and some candy hearts. I came home today to a clean house bearing a box of chocolate dipped strawberries and dinner from the local tacqueria. The clean house really wasn’t a Valentines factor for either of us. Tomorrow I’ll come home to a clean house too. If I weren’t married to someone who at this moment enjoys the homemaking gig, I’d have to get a valet.
“You had me at ‘the dishes’.”
:o <----not “embarrassment”. You know what I’m talkin’ about!
:eek:
I’d take the clean house - I have about zero motivation/energy to clean, mind you, but I think it’d be wonderful if my house was cleaned for me. Screw champagne and roses; I can buy those myself for cheaper than it’d cost for me to pay for a house-cleaning.
Oh, and I hate Valentine’s Day. It’s a stupid holiday that does nothing but guilt-trip people. My husband and I try to show and tell each other how much we love each other every day of the year.
No man has ever been shot while washing dishes.
My house is messy but not really dirty. Some time (plus a couple more bookshelves) would fix just about everything currently scattered around, except for all the stuff that’s just piled in a closet. That’d take more work, as it’s lots more books and other things. Anyway, the biggest problem is trying to vacuum several hundred square feet of carpet using a vacuum cleaner designed to do no more than about a 15’x12’ dorm room. The path width is maybe a foot wide, if that.
I don’t know where women like nyctea scandiaca are around here. My domestic skills have not exactly attracted the ladies. (And trust me, if I had a girl coming over here routinely, the house would get a lot more attention than it does right now. I can clean better than my mother.)
Jesse James was shot in the back while straightening a picture. No, really.
Although some accounts say that he was dusting it.
Well, to my mind, while I like chocolate and flowers (I don’t drink though), they’re sort of the Generic Gift that men get when they don’t know what to do. I’m happy when my husband does that–he has started having roses delivered on our anniversary, which is really neat–but on an everyday-life level, having him help out at home is great. It tells me that he cares about making things easier for me (I’m a SAHM and do most of the housework) and that he wants me to be happy.
Like the above posts, a clean house lets me relax and have more time for more fun pastimes. It can be very difficult for me to turn my brain off and just relax; I’m always on a little treadmill, thinking about what I have to get done. And a dirty house tends to weigh me down subconsciously; as a messy person, I was really surprised when I realized how much better I feel in a clean home.
So yeah, I have to say that I would view a gift of housecleaning as more thoughtful, personal, and sexy than a box of chocolates. Of course, that OED he bought me was great too; my husband has thought up many ways to make me happy. Anyway we don’t do Valentine’s Day, but as a general thing, I would say it’s not a bad principle–for many women, it demonstrates a concern and caring that goes beyond a few bucks spent on the way home from work.
I’ll bet what happened was he reached his finger up to the top of the frame, checking for dust, found some, and was just turning, when . . . BLAM!!!
By the way, I’m not sure I care for Athena characterizing people as “stupid” who agree with this article. It’s not that we are all living in 1950. It’s that some people happen to see housework as something that has to be done, and getting help with that demonstrates caring. When I know my husband cares about my comfort and making my life easier, well, what is the natural result going to be?
I don’t care what that article says. If I brought my wife 12 roses and some chocolate today it would have an “eeegh” effect. It’s not what she’s into and it’s not what she got.
What she did get was a husband who saw what she needed at the time - a good massage. Last week her entire work schedule was shit. Buy saturday she was moody and grumpy. Saturday evening I noticed she was getting worse and I said “how would you like a nice massage tomorrow for an early Valentines Day gift? If you know a place that might have an opening tomorrow I’ll set it up and drive you over.” She flipped.
By the time I woke up on Sunday she’d called and found a place to take her at 1pm. By 3pm she was a changed woman.
Now, if the house was trashed (which it isn’t) and I thought that would cheer her up more than a few bucks in flowers and candy, she’d get that.
Or perhaps her car detailed? Or I cook dinner.
Whatever is going to float her boat at the given time is what she’s getting. I don’t want a ‘thank you’ for some superficial bobbles, I want to see a mood change. I want to make her happy.
To me flowers and candy say “Here’s some flowers and candy. It was the very least I could do.”
Wifecat has a list of everything that needs to be done in her life so she can feel relaxed and comfortable. Sex is on the list too, but not near the top all the time. If, however, some of the items ranked higher on the list get taken care of, e.g. clean kitchen, then sex will rise dis-proportionately towards the top. If one thing gets taken care of at the top of her list, then sex will rise a possible two spots. Clean house and done laundrey = nookie time!
-Tcat
I once asked a marriage guidance counsellor what advice he would give to people to ensure a happy marriage. Basically it boiled down to:
if it’s a man - do more around the house, accept more responsibility.
if it’s a woman - accept that your partner is making an effort, stop criticising those efforts; cut him some slack.
He said it was depressing how many marital disputes boiled down to the guy thinking he was doing enough (though he wasn’t) and the wife thinking she would be glad for any help (though she wouldn’t).
No, you’re not. I read somewhere (sorry, I’m terrible for remembering things I’ve read but never remembering where I read them) that it’s not that men are more untidy than women, just that they genuinely don’t notice the mess. Well, the exact opposite is true of me and Crusoe. I just don’t notice when the place is getting untidy, whereas he’ll spend days being driven quietly insane by it, before snapping and going “You have to help me clean the flat!”. Therefore last night, not only did I make him a champagne supper, I also did the washing up - because I knew he wouldn’t be able to relax if there were dishes in the sink!
I had a very flirtatious customer offer me “3 hours of foreplay”
I replied, “I’m married, what are you gonna do? Mow my lawn and do the laundry?”
Foreplay is in the eye of the beholder.
Wow.
I guess I am in the minority. My house is up to basic cleanliness standards, and it honestly doesn’t seem to take much effort to keep it there. Granted, we don’t have kids. But heck, I reallly don’t care all that much about a clean house. Mr. Athena is more worried about it than I am, although I do tend to do more of the day-to-day housework. It’s never been an issue to me; it’s not so much that it bothers me and he does other stuff (shovelling snow, lawn maintenance) and it evens out.
The “chocolates and champagne” line was just an example. Replace it with whatever thing really turns you on. If I’m reading correctly, that thing is “housework.”
And I’m sorry I used the word stupid. I guess it just saddens me that keeping the house clean is such a major issue to so many women. In my world, it’s a really minor detail, and to let such a mundane (to me) thing take such a large role in marital happiness is really depressing.
I’d be pissed off. That’s what I pay the house cleaner for.
My husband would win serious points if he got the house professionally cleaned for me or (god forbid) he actually cleaned it for me. This would so rock.