I’ve long wished for a wife. Men have it made. Now it seems as if it’s inevitable… my dream may be possible soon: Same-sex marraige.
So I’m casting my net, far and wide. Hopefully, cross my fingers, I will some day be the lucky wife of a beautiful wife.
Here are my standards:
Must be beautiful or at least nonskanky. I mean, who wants to see ugly every day? But less beautiful than myself would be nice; I don’t need the competition.
Be a great cook, a scrupulous cleaner, a super laundry-washer, and willing to co-mother my (our) kids.
You can work part-time, as long as it doesn’t interfere with your home duties, and you fork over your paycheck, as I will be controlling our finances. I will give you an “allowance” every week with which to buy your clothes, makeup, girlygirl things.
I would love it if you would have dinner on the table for me when I get home from work, all my favorites of course… then a back rub would be great.
The children must be in bed by 8, thanks, after that I will sit on the couch, in complete possession of the remote, by the way, in my underwear.
Our marraige must be a sexless one, alas, I just don’t swing that way. We will have separate bedrooms and you will be allowed to entertain guests, so long as it doesn’t prevent you from being up and about early in the a.m. to fix my breakfast and pack my lunch.
While I’m at work, your duties will include scheduling events/appointments, cleaning (of course), childcare, procurement of household goods, yard and animal care, vehicle maintenance, and general family stuff.
Wives are great… aren’t they? I think it’s unfair that only men get to have them. I want one too dammit!!
If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts
Play games- all sorts
Well, that does it. I’ll have me balls revoked for sure this time.
There was a Doonesbury strip like this - from the 70s, when Joanie was working at the daycare…
You know, I like to make my “get your bitch ass in the kitchen and cook my dinner” jokes on occasion, but yet inevitably I end up doing about half the work anyway.
You want June Cleaver. Let me clue you in on something here…it was a TV show. Men do not have it easy. Any self-respecting man will carry all the load he can handle.
And to top it off, it must be sexless? The only payoff for your “wife” will be money? Geez…get a maid and save half your stuff from the inevitable divorce proceedings.
Geez…where do you people get your delusions?
Ease up, Airman, I’m fairly certain trublmakr means it (mostly) tongue-in-cheek. 
OTOH, I understand where she’s coming from. Yes, ideally a marriage should be a partnership with both parties bearing the burdens, but there are certainly times when (for whatever reason) the wife ends up holding everything together at home with little help from hubby… leading to some wishful thinking about swapping places.
There’s a well-known woman in my field, much respected, currently the head of a major research institution. She happened to be widowed with four children (IIRC) during the time that her career really took off, and while many admired her they also wondered how the heck she managed. It turned out that she had a live-in nanny who basically took care of everything at home so that she could get ahead. Many jests were made about her having a “wife” to handle the homefront for her, and I suspect that more than one woman in academia wished they had the same “luxury”!
Heck, I remember once bitching to my grad advisor about all sorts of stuff at home that was getting in the way of school work (I was and still am single, but anyways…). My advisor looked at me, winked and said, “You know what you really need is a wife, to take care of all that for you.” The funniest part of this was that my Chinese officemate initially understood my advisor to be recommending that I be a lesbian, and the look of astonishment on his face was simply priceless. 
Heck, I got me someone like that and he’d be REALLY pissed off if I called him a “wife”. He’s a husband, thanks, and he cleans, does dishes, does laundry, washes windows, mows the grass, changes the oil on the cars, builds stuff, vacuums, AND does the cooking.
I help of course - I do laundry most of the time, I do help clean, and i do most of the cooking on the weekends.
But he still does the lion’s share of the work, he’s a fantabulous cook, and our finances are in great shape thanks to his money management skills.
(No, he doesn’t have a clone, yes, I’m sure he’s really really taken, no he doesn’t rent out, and no, you can’t have him. YES, he’s really really great. And I’ve got several people at work insanely jealous.)
Oh, and he and I both think that it’s about time that the men-who-do-stuff, whether it’s part time like Airman Doors or full time like himself, get a little more credit for their contributions to the well-being of the family. Airman, I understand completely where you’re coming from.
You can call the position what you want: wife, valet, personal assistant, whatever. But if I’d be happy as a clam if I could find someone who would do the following:
housecleaning
laundry
grocery shopping
wash the car
run errands
Quite frankly I don’t give a rip if it’s a man or a woman. And you can be ugly as sin for all I care. I’ll love ya to death for keeping me from having to do all that monotonous crap that keeps me from my real vices of reading and sleeping.
Of course, if you happen to be a man with an attractive personality, I may have a few additional requirements to add to the list.
Yeah.
OH! WAITER!
I’ll have what trublmakr is having, only make mine a double, & make sure they’re fresh!
Glad to see I’m not the only one with such fantasies.
And, Airman, I didn’t say she had to go without sex; she can have all the lovin’ she wants, just not from me.
I’m a single mother, and while marraige to a man sounds good, too, there’s a special brand of caring that only a woman brings. That’s what I want.
Maybe I’m just missing my mommy.
Um… I think maybe you just have the wrong husband… I wouldn’t EXPECT my future wife to do any of these things. I actually think of her as an actual human being… with thoughts and ideas and values… you know… my equal? You’ve heard of this concept, right? You respect yourself, right?
I’m sorry, but it just pisses me off when some women paint ALL men as a lump on the couch in their underware… :mad:
Um, yeah, I don’t HAVE a husband. See above.
And I’m in no way saying that what I would do if I had a wife is what all husbands do. Just the one I had for 4 long miserable years.
Chill out. Relax. Not dissin’ you here, just fantasizing.
“underwear”
WTF ever…
OF COURSE you’re dissing! You lump ALL men in your little box. We are all scum because troublemaker said so. :rolleyes:
What do you do, search the SD all day looking for something to get offended about? Maybe YOU yourself have issues about marraige. It’s a JOKE for godsake.
If you wanna pit me, feel free. In any case, get the fuck out my thread.
YOUR thread??? Gee. Seems like YOUR thread originated from here.
To quote you: Whatever.
Hey, I hurt your feelings, so you got pissy and nagged me and whined alot.
Hmmm… maybe YOU could be my wife?
Very sorry if I offended you- it was just a thought I’ve had, something about needing some emotional support, help, caring… things that women are very good at. I certainly didn’t mean to piss you off. Okay?
underware?
Is that like flatware?
And I offer that support to my REAL LIFE future wife… help, support, caring, something I, the evil male, am good at too… because I love her more than life itself! How YOU doing?
You will make a good husband if you keep that attitude, if6was9.
I still wouldn’t trust you or any man to do my laundry or grocery shop, though… women are much better at those things.
<blushes>I’m doing um… good <giggle> <bateyelashes>
And yet… somehow… gay male households struggle on.