I’m 27, and I’ve been married 3 years. To be honest, some of the Dopers here are well aware of my sexless marriage. By definition, having sex less than 10 times a year makes your marriage sexless. Basically, the Honeymoon was over before the Honeymoon was over. She made me feel that I was raping her. I had some subtle clues leading up to the marriage, but they were obviously overshadowed by the planning of the wedding.
We have sex less than once a month. That’s our average. We recently went three months without sex. When I brought this to her attention, she said, “No, wait, that can’t be right.” and then walked away in silence when she did the math.
It is the main source of friction in our marriage. I let so much little stuff slip by without so much as a peep from me, but this I do not let this slip by. I’m very proactive on this subject. I’m not so subtle with showing my resentment.
I said resentment because it is now out of my control. I’ve done everything that I can. We’ve done the marriage counselor, but that didn’t work. It was my fault that I wanted sex so much. She’s done the psychiatrist. She’s on medication. Sex just doesn’t register with her, and it angers me just to think about it.
Whenever a sexually oriented advertisement appears on the radio or TV, I either turn it off or walk away. This is for two reasons. First, I can’t stand the fact that I am not getting any sex, and it feels like salt in a wound. The second reason is to show her my dissatisfaction.
Sex is required in a marriage. Sex is expected, and it is necessary.
On the other hand, something has to be the main source of irritation between us, so why not this? If it wasn’t sex, then it would default to a different subject.
I tell her that I will end the marriage over this subject, which makes her cry. But, she doesn’t do anything about it. Nothing. She says that she worries about it, but what does that accomplish? Besides, when I mention divorce, I’m really bluffing, because I cannot afford it and I don’t believe in it. I feel that I was tricked into this marriage, but I accept it as my lot in life.