Alright, one of my closest guy friends has been worried about something for the past few months and instead of calling Loveline I thought that I would offer the question up to the brilliant Straight Dopers to answer.
You see, he was a sweet innocent little child until he started having sex, so he doesn’t know much about the topic…
He’s worried that it takes him too long to achieve an orgasm during sex.
Somehow, I didn’t see this as such a huge problem, but he’s worried about it.
So… the question I pose to all you (male… or females who would know about such things) dopers out there is how long does it take you and about what would the average time be?
Any details, advice, stories, comments would be much apppreciated.
(looks around, wondering why he’s the only one to respond) C’mon guys, give Kitty’s friend some help here. It’s an ego crisis ferchristsake, and I’ll feel all funny if I’m the only responder.
me, i’m pretty easily aroused, and come within about 5 minutes of starting sex…and every five minutes thereafter.
irishfella, he’s a slow boiler, and takes bout 30 minutes to get there, which is fine by me!
it really isn’t an issue unless his partner is starting to get bored or sore.
if they are, maybe he could…ummm… do the opposite of thinking about margaret thatcher or house bricks?
the problem could be that he’s mentally detached from what he’s physically doing and is not “in the moment” so to speak.
if he concentrates, really hard, on what he’s doing, seeing, hearing, feeling, it might help (works for me).
I went through a bout of something called Peyronie’s Syndrome a few years ago, during which time it was rather painful to have sex. The interest was still there, though, so my wife and I adopted a style of quickie sex rather than just abstaining. Luckily, she’s on a pretty short fuse.
Now that the Peyronie’s gone, I can’t get seem to get the message across to certain parts that no, really, it’s okay if this lasts more than a minute…
I’m not a man either but I’ve slept with cough a few. IMO, he may be concentrating too hard on achieving orgasm and needs to relax and focus on how good he feels and how good his partner feels. If he’s trying too hard to “hurry up and come” it will take him that much longer to get there.
In my experience, the first couple of times that you sleep with someone you want to show them what a good lover you are so you take your time and it can last anywhere from 30 minutes to 2-3 hours. After you’ve been in the relationship for awhile you settle down to 15-30 minute sessions, and that’s usually where it stays. That’s the way it was/is with me and my SO. We usually go for no less than 15 minutes but there are times we just want to fuck and only last 5 minutes. Nothing wrong with quickies!!
Wow, that’s different from what I’ve been reading up. Of course, they havenm’t been the most scholarly of sources either, but it seemed that the average time was like 6 minutes… and well that to me and my friend’s way of thinking is a quickie, it’s nice to know that you agree.
And thanks oodles for point out that it’s good to have a long fuse, I mean, he doesn’t get bored or anything, he’s just self conscious about taking that long
Since each sex session is different, there really can’t be any “average.” And the variables are incredibly…variable.
From the onset of my arousal (which would include foreplay and often my wife’s orgasm, since she doesn’t climax via coitus, and prefers to climax before I do) to my own orgasm, can be anywhere from ten minutes to 45 minutes or an hour.
Actual intercourse would be ten or fifteen minutes. But again, it depends on what that particular session is like. Sometimes we like it fast and furious (and thus shorter) and sometimes we set a pace that is deliciously slow and constitutes a form of exquisite torture as it spins out.
The averages you’ve read about are for research, and they have their place, but as long as nothing painful is going on, I would venture to say there is no “wrong” amount of time for a couple to be engaged in intercourse.
As others have said there are a lot of factors involved from emotional to physical. As for myself it takes a long time or not at all and this depends on the partner that I’m with. It’s more a physical thing than anything else, i.e. if I’m getting the right friction because the woman has good control of the Kegels, I’m all good.
I did have a relationship break up because I wasn’t able to ejaculate while having intercourse, the woman took it very personal. Go figure.
I generally fall within kuroashi’s averages as well. It depends on the situation, but generally it’s about 20 minutes with my current girlfriend.
I had this problem once myself recently, and let me stress: sometimes it just happens. And once it becomes and issue, achieving orgasm is just about impossible. So for those who run into this problem: don’t stress about it.