There is nothing wrong with treating sex acts like “currency” in a relationship. Why not? Every other kind of giving act is a kind of currency. Are you not more likely to do nice things for people who do nice things for you in everyday life?
A person “giving” in such a transaction is not being exploited. There is no suggestion that they’re not getting what they want by giving.
I call bullshit on this.
There are plenty of relationships one partner controls the sex.
Just because some of these relationships are fucked up does not mean all of them are. Frequently it’s what both partner’s want.
Because if we express dissatisfaction, we get to deal with her being upset over our dissatisfaction, express we it never so tactfully, and we still get a sex life that doesn’t improve.
–Mal, who has never been to a strip club or a hooker. Two out of three isn’t bad, and happy memories tend to work better than porn if you must know.
It shouldn’t be considered a gift. It’s an act that both parties should want to do and find enjoyment in. The only way it’s a gift is if the wife doesn’t want to have sex with her husband.
I know he turned down the initial offer, but I can’t even understand why he’d want to have sex – ever – with someone who obviously isn’t enjoying it. If she vowed to have an orgasm or more every day (as so many women do, with or without a partner), that would be another matter. But from what I can tell, she meant penetrative sex, and I’m not sure her finishing even entered the equation.
ETA cowgirl, I’ve brought this up before and am usually met with disbelief, despite many, many female friends’ experiences (including a syndicated sex columnist). Not sure how old you are, but perhaps it’s a generational thing? A metropolitan thing? Most of the guys turning down guaranteed sex with hot ladies seem to be 20-somethings.
Generally speaking, from a man’s point of view, this can be considered as the most thoughtful gift a wife can give to her husband. The act of sex in a relationship for a man, is the most complete and most thoughtful way for a wife to express her love for her husband without ANY room for misinterpretation. When she took the initiative to make changes on what she can control (controlling HER actions, not his) and made the decision to give something that fulfills his personal needs, then that makes the gift even more special. This is a woman that I would vote for for Wife of the Year.
Now, I’m curious on how the husband is going to respond. The ball is in his court to build their relationship further. Hopefully, it won’t be something materialistic.
OK-so it’s BS to YOU. Did you miss where I said “should”? I didn’t think to stipulate that in SOME (I’m willing to guess not many) relationships, one partner does call all the shots–with the other partner’s approval because I thought that was obvious. That is not what happened to this couple. What this woman found out was that her husband was letting this infrequent sex happen-it’s not what he wanted. That’s the difference. And she takes full responsibility for his lack of initiative . :dubious:
Mal-I feel for you (and my comments were never intended for you personally, which is why I made a point to say, “general comments”). Of course it takes two to tango–if she’s not responding to your overtures for discussion, that’s a big problem as well you know. I have a similar problem but not quite what this couple has. I’d like to think that such issues could be resolved, given two willing partners, even though mine have not. I think I can say the same for you, no? But nowhere do I read that this couple did any of the talking etc–she up and decided to give this “gift”-a radical move and I hope it remains a good thing for them. I only question her motives and the curious absence of any responsibility on his part for their lousy sex prior to her “gift”.
As a woman (albeit, a young unmarried one, but still) I’m not sure I’d want to do it every day. I think I’d like to do it a few times a week, but I suppose it might depend on circumstances, and on the person, and all that. It’s a complicated subject.
I think my language was deliberatly vauge enough to not need it, but sure.
Well, my comments were more a general reply to the general comments up thread, rather than about this particular couple. I’ll refrain from judging them as I don’t think I’m gonna get my head around a relationship from an internet article.
The part I was calling BS on was what I thought were sweeping general statements. Universal statements about human behaviour are usually a bad idea, doubly so in matters of sex and love.
If that was not your intention then I’ve misunderstood your post and I apologise. It seems we’re more on the same page than I thought.
I didn’t read the entire article, but assuming that she wasn’t saying “sex every day, even if it means I just lie back and think of England” I’m all for it.
Hell, I’d like sex every day just on sex’s own merits. When you add in the obvious benefit to the relationship (it’s awfully hard to feel disconnected or alienated from someone you’re having sex with every day), this strikes me as win-win.
I think it’s all about the spirit in which this is approached. It says a lot to me that some people (and again, I’m getting this from comments here, I didn’t read the whole article) seem to view this as “you get to use my body at least once a day” and find it unreasonable or exploitative. From my perspective, the agreement really is (or at least *should * be) “let’s set aside some time every day to pay attention to each other, and make each other feel good”. How can *that * be a bad thing?
Indeed. Or it may be “We’ve tried this whole ‘we’ll do it when I’m good and ready’ thing, and I don’t think it’s worked out so well, so I’m happy to ring the changes”. I remember reading an interesting essay on this once upon a time, and the writer used a phrase something like “…once the canoe’s in the water, everyone starts rowing”.
A few people in this thread seem to be taking this in a mean-spirited fashion. I dunno if they’re laying their own baggage on it or what. It’s a cute thing that a spouse did for her spouse.
I’d not read much more than that.
My libido has rarely been in alignment with my wife. It’s been more, and once or twice quite a bit less than hers. A great imbalance is never fun, and understanding between both can go a long way to smoothing things over. I’ve done it when I didn’t wanna, and so has she.
I’d say complaints over sex, in an of itself, is merely a symptom of other issues…
While I agree that more intimacy can improve many marriages, and that this can be a good way to generate that, I, too, found the article vaugely creepy. It might just be because the writer was interviewing her specificially, but I agree with whomever upthread said that it was all about her, not her husband and her.
For the record, we’ve had “how often do you have sex” threads here before, and there are a large number of Dopers who average daily or better. (Someone said five or six times a day, IRRC.)
Isn’t it normal for married couples to have sex every day?
(do not have a smiley that conveys the irony, snark and fun I intend with this remark)