Inspired by the thread They’re called ‘f*ck me’ shoes for a reason!
I realized that I may be taking my husband for granted.
He will have sex with me anytime, anywhere. Doesn’t matter if he is sick, tired or if I am wearing my schlumpy sweatpants. He still thinks I am sexy.
I just thought that is how hubbies were? Was I mistaken?
Please enlighten me.
Yes. You are mistaken in the belief that all husbands are like yours.
A lot of relationships start out with sex all the time. But in a few years, for whatever reason, those same people can’t stand the sight of each other.
So consider yourself fortunate.
Sorry. Forgot to add that we have been together for nine years, married for five.
I’m engaged and she lives with me. I’m usually up for it, although it really isn’t that big of a deal with me.
I’m not one of those people who can have sex with someone even if they’re angry with them. If I’m mad at her I don’t want to look at her, let alone touch her, so sex is out of the question.
I’m firmly of the opinion that when one party becomes disinterested with the other or seeks intimacy outside of the relationship (assuming that it is a purportedly exclusive relationship) there is very likely responsibility on both sides. In the thread referenced above, for instance, the o.p. mentions having gained a considerable amount of weight (and then having taken off some of it), and having engaged in an extramarital affair at some previous time. It’s all well and good to say that appearance and weight shouldn’t matter in a marriage, but in fact attraction and interest are not logical, controllable impulses, and it would be ludicrous to expect one partner to artificially inflate interest in the other when they are repulsed by them. (This goes both ways, though women seem far more forgiving about changes in physical appearance and health than men for reasons obvious to readers of evoluionary sociology.) And if there are fundamental problems in the marriage, throwing on a teddy and dancing around in front of the televisor isn’t going to make them disappear, even temporarily. I would guess that perfectparanoia’s husband is either a sex maniac, or that she does all the things necessary to maintain his general sexual interest in her.
Stranger
I thought young men like the one I was seeing at the time were always up for it but not the case. It was actually pretty dissatisfying but I hung around anyway. Grr.
My experience differs pretty significantly from the OP’s and we’ve been together/married the exact same length of time. We’re both still very attracted to one another and enjoy regular intimacy, but we’re also so freaking busy with our respective jobs and our child (and the one that’s coming, thanks to continued intimacy) that the time we spend together is usually spent just enjoying talking to each other instead of tearing each other’s clothes off.
When we do make passes at each other, we usually make an effort to look nice for the other. My husband has told me that I look beautiful in my workout clothes, but those hardly scream sex (of course, if I’m sitting in his lap, that does scream sex and it kind of outweighs the un-sexiness of the sweat pants).
As to the thread the OP linked to, it seemed like there were a lot of other things going on in the relationship than just lack of sexual attraction or differing libidos. As much as I hate to say it, I’d probably notice if my husband suddenly gained 50 pounds. It doesn’t mean I’d be disinterested, but it would certainly be concerning. And he absolutely notices when I gain weight. He doesn’t suddenly find me repulsive, but it’s certainly enough to give him pause. And if he had an affair? I’m not sure I’d ever be able to get over that.
FWIW, I’ve turned my wife down exactly three times in 27 years. The first two times were pure exhaustion, the second following from fighting all night after already being to exhausted for the first. (For the record, I’m actually horny after running a marathon, if that helps place the level of exhaustion.) The third was this week was a way of letting her know that, no, I’m not going to let you get away with spending thousands more than we make yet another month.
I think it’s all about chemistry.
My ex-wife and I did it all the time right up to our divorce.
In hindsight it’s kind of funny to think about. During the bad years; we would argue, pretend to make up, have sex and then go right back to arguing.
Been married more than 25 years. If she’s in the mood I can get in the mood.
This isn’t something that came easily (pun). I’ve trained many years to become the dirty old man that I am today.
I’m a natural.
My husband has a low sex drive. We discussed before we were married whether this would be an issue. Honestly, it’s not. I have fingers. He does love to cuddle, hug, kiss, hold hands, wrap his arms around me, and talk. He even flirts regularly, and exclusively, with me. We spend a lot of time together, and it’s better than if he was a sex machine every night, and that was it. We’ve been together for 14 years and married for 5. I get enough actually sex to be pregnant right now, but he’s happy with 2-3 times a year, and I live with that. He’s not going out getting it somewhere else, so what’s the big deal? Sex is NOT the most important part of a relationship. Not even close.
We’ve been married for 31 years, known each other for 37, and I’m just as interested as when we just got married - her too. In fact things are better now since the last kid went to college. We are both busy, so we do tend to schedule, but that doesn’t reduce the desire. As for clothes, at a certain point you are reacting to. Sick? I’m of the “just don’t lay on the broken leg and it will be fine” mindset.
Lucky you to be married to him, and lucky him to be married to someone who thinks his mindset is cool.
The model for this behavior is Arlo from the comic strip Arlo and Janis. (I’d give the url but comics.com seems to be dead.) Arlo is always interested, and even though they’ve been married long enough to have a kid in college still gets turned on by her in a bikini.
So, don’t believe people who say that marriage turns into a loveless, sexless roomie relationship. It doesn’t have to happen.
I’m not with anyone right now - but I have been accused of being oversexed. If sex is available, I always take it.
My wife and I have been married 16 years and for each and every one of those years I would take sex anytime and anywhere it was offered.
I’m a guy. And proud of it.
Disclaimer: I am not a husband. (I don’t do marriage). But I’m in an LTR…
We can be cooking along fine but then if for one reason or another (“I’ve got a damn yeast infection. Don’t even THINK about it” / “I’m in a sour mood. Nobody touch me. Everyone leave me alone” / whatever) she requests suspending activities, I’m not going to guess when the water is once again fine. She’s got to.
Reciprocally and fairly, if I’ve begged off because I’m seriously sleep-deprived and not up for anything, I figure if I’m in a different mood next evening, it’s sort of up to me to say so.
I neither appetite for nor wear fuck-me shoes, though.
My ex-wife and I were together starting at age 18 and ending only 8 months ago for a total of 17 years. She is stunning by all accounts and could easily be a catalog model at 36 years old. However, we fought like brother and sister the whole time and I often wouldn’t put out if I was mad at her. We are both apparently super-fertile and could have kids on demand so there was none of that trying stuff for that purpose. We still spend time together because we own a house together (although I have my own place too) and have two young daughters. She casually accused me a few weeks ago of trying to oogle her when she got out of the shower and I was watching the kids. I blurted out, “I have seen parts of you that you have never seen yourself and it gets old. Don’t flatter yourself”. That is literally true in several ways but I was thinking about being present for the c-sections and watching every surgical detail. It takes the edge off of things after a while.
OP: No, my husband is NOT like yours. At least not during this century.
I’m in the lucky girl club. My husband is like yours, we’ve been married 15 yrs, together for 20.
He had a heart attack a two years ago (at 37!). Among his very early questions to the dr. was “how soon can I have sex?” The guideline was “when you can walk up a flight of stairs”.
His first goal when he got home? Walk up a flight of stairs.
He’s having some kind of awful fluey thing right now that makes all his muscles ache like he’s run a marathon, but he’s not only been receptive to my advances, he’s hasn’t slacked off on his own.
I have been married twice, and in both marriages, sex was a rare thing. The second guy and I had quite a bit before we were married, but as time passed, it got rarer and rarer. In the last few years we had sex maybe four to six times a year. I wanted it more, but he was always too tired. He had smoking, drinking and eating issues–probably a full-blown eating disorder–and I think that was part of it.
I had a two-year relationship between my marriages, and we had sex all the time.