They’re called ‘f*ck me’ shoes for a reason, you idiot! I put on three inch heels, along with a mini-skirt and fire engine red lip dye, and dragged your butt out of the house to a restaurant. I even paid for the meal out of my ‘mad money’ so it wouldn’t hit our precious budget. All because you whined for an hour that you were hungry and nothing in the pantry or that I suggesting making for you sounded good.
So why the h*ll are you on your laptop across the living room from me?!? You’re not even working – you’re playing an online game!!!
I realize we’ve been married fifteen years and I may not have the most exciting body in the world. But I’ve lost fifteen pounds in the last six months and I know I have killer legs, especially in uncomfortable three inch ‘f*ck me’ black leather heels! The six year old is spending the entire night and half of tomorrow with the grandparents. And I am fully prepared to ignore the dizziness I’m dealing with (neurological syndrome – don’t ask) and get pretty damn freaky with you tonight.
So telling me I look “Nice, dear” and offering me a quickie is really not going to cut it. (“If you’ll do all the work” translation: I’m going to lie perfectly still flat on my back and maybe kiss you a couple of times so you’ll leave me alone) I have things with batteries that would provide a h*ll of a lot more stimulation.
Tonight, I wanted you. My loss, apparantly.
And thanks in advance for any offers this might generate, but seriously, no thanks. I need to pit this man, not hook up with another.
[note: This was written Saturday night. Techinical issues prevented me from posting until today]
Funny how if a man did the same thing he’d be considered a douchebag and it would be assumed that if she’s not fucking him anymore it must’ve been something that HE did.
Tried that once. Didn’t work out so well for any of us. Promised him I’d just leave his sorry ass the next time I was going to get freaky with someone else.
The six-year-old complicates things. He’s a great Dad. And a good hubby, most of the time. And I DO have things with batteries for just such occasions. It just sucks.
Sweet Mercy Magruder! Mom-Of-Andrew is a woman with a fuse lit. Somebody will get a hot time out of this. If it’s not Pop-Of-Andrew, it’s his own fault.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t mean to cast nasturtiums on anybody’s character, and I’m not hitting on Mom-Of-Andrew, at least not right away.
Poor you. Poor, poor you. Mrs M has had a variety of mysterious ailments which has kept her from going anywhere near my dick [sup]*[/sup] for two calendar months, and I’ve lost a fuck of a lot more than fifteen whole pounds (meanwhile she hasn’t, and needs to even more desperately than I did, which is saying a big ol’ mouthful, believe me, but that’s another story). And you got turned down once. Poor you.
[sup]*[/sup]Apparently. I’d have thought at least her hand was in working order and her mouth might be up to the odd as-if-she-meant-it kiss, God forbid I should suggest a BJ, but nooo…
May I offer a suggestion, pulled straight from the WoW widow files? Another wife was in your situation and was not getting much attention from hubby. So the wife watched him type his password until she figured out what it was. Then, during one of the few minutes of the day he wasn’t logged in, she signed in on his best character and traveled to Ironforge, to tell everybody there a very important message:
“I LIKE DICKS! DICKS DICKS DICKS!”
Puerile, I know, but it had the desired effect: his account was swiftly banned.
Ivylass Yeah, I’m sure. Like I said, he’s a good hubby, most of the time. He’s also an egotistical asshole sometimes. My libido and his Mr. Hyde clashed Saturday night. Things with batteries to the rescue…
AskNott Thanks for the good thoughts. And for refraining from hitting on me.
Malacandra Yep, poor me. Not the first time I’ve been turned down. And I’ve had headaches a time or two myself. Poor, poor, pitiful me. Waaaaa, Waaaa and all that. Thank Og for the pit so I don’t look like a fool by saying this to someone who actually knows me.
Sorry about Mrs. M. Last time I tried to give Pop-of-Andrew a BJ I ended up with a dislocated jaw and couldn’t chew for three days. Had to go to a chiropractor to get it fixed. And according to a discreet inquiry to his best friend, he didn’t brag about to anyone:eek:
IME sitting across the room thinking, “Why aren’t you fucking me?” is not nearly as likely to get you laid as taking off your top, straddling him, and nibbling on his earlobe until he gets so hard he forgets about facebook.
Funny, I don’t think that would even get you banned in Eve. In one of the wars I was in someone was saying nasty shit about the daughters of one of the dudes in my alliance and I don’t think he even got banned for that.
