At 52, I’m happily married, and have been for nearly 30 years. My “wild years” were compressed into a very small period of time, having lost my virginity fairly late at 19.
Which was mostly due to my inability to comprehend “signals” from women. Obviously, I eventually did develop a small ability to grasp signals - but I only have to understand one women these days rather than various ones.
But when I look back on the colossal cluelessness I displayed back in those days, I’m sure the women involved must have thought I was gay, asexual, or brain damaged.
With the benefit of hindsight, I realize:
When your platonic roommate mentions that she is really good at oral sex, that is not the sort of claim one should allow to pass unchallenged.
When your dad drives you and the lawnmower across town to mow the lawn of a family friend who just happens to be a porn star, something could have potentially happened. And years later, you find out, through a second party that she wanted to, but that you “…didn’t seem interested”.
And I’m pretty sure that the female friend I was giving a naked warm oil massage to would probably not have been offended if I had tried something.
I’m similarly clueless at picking uo signals, as mt wife, pepper Mill, has told me. On the other hand, I don’t think I missed signs as obvious as the ones you did.
Of course, on the other hand, I find your “fairly late at 19” laughable. Have a look back through Dope threads about when some Dopers lost their virginity. Either you caught some signals, or you had a determined partner. I was a lot later than 19 myself.
It wasn’t that I was just clueless about signals, but I was clueless about women and lacked confidence. I had a woman literally put my hand up her skirt to feel how silky her stockings were and I kind of locked up in fear/confusion. Another woman gave me a nude photo of herself (do you think she liked me? I had no idea). I have a couple more like that, but I’m happily married and over the years those events have gone from cringe inducing to being able to laugh at them (almost).
Well, it makes me feel better to know I’m not the only one who this happened to. I cringe when I think back to all the situations where I had opportunities, and didn’t clue in, or worse, clued in to the signals, and didn’t believe them.
Although I have to admit, a naked oil massage is a hard signal to misinterpret.
Damn, that’s like loosing the winning powerball ticket. Is there going to be any comment about it on your Tombstone?
I’m in with the rest of the crowd here.
Variations of mine that sucked. During those years I was getting no action and had gotten very little and was getting darn tired of it. And it wasn’t even that I was dieing for constant sex. I’d been happy to just get a short romp every damn six months. Throw me a bone cruel world.
Well, the signals I did pick up were ones that I was hesitant to act for obvious reasons. A wife or two of friends where I was pretty sure the husband didn’t care. A few coworkers, some looking for relationships, some most likely just some fun. A few friends just looking for benefits. A girlfriend or two of friends of mine that I think would have happily made the move to be with me instead. A few halfway across the country lets have fun for the weekend and we will never see each other again. Maybe even a professor/teacher or two.
All these things seemed either unethical, unfair the woman, or just fraught with potential complications that could turn out really bad. My damn morals and caution.
Some nice just plain ole single women my ageish? Didn’t catch the THOSE signals of course (but I see them in hindsight).
And for the kicker. Recently single and know a lady that I really like. I offered to do some things with her that would have most women go “sounds like a date or potential rape scenario. Either way no thanks”. We did these things, she didn’t flinch, and I don’t think I ever seen a woman be some comfortable or friendly around me besides when they get to the flirt level. And I thought I even caught a hint of that.
I kept thinking about all those damn missed opportunities and I finally said damnit and sent a pretty forward email.
Of course I was WRONG about it the time I actually acted bold for a change. Damn friend zone.
I love that feeling of not knowing if I am getting a signal or if it is my imagination. I am sure I have missed some opportunities and I have also misread what I thought were signals. The sexual tension can be a huge turn on for both parties involved.
As for the naked massages, I have a friend that comes over for massages a couple of times a year for at least the past 15 years, I am convinced she actually does just want a massage.
During my college years. Smoking hot girl lived above me was 23 and engaged to be married. I was wild about her but resigned to the fact that she was “taken”. We were good friends though.
Early at a party to honor me for my 21st birthday (side info - 5 kegs of beer consumed) she’s hanging all over me like a wet blanket. I turn to her and say, “Beth, you gotta cut it out. You’re ruining my chances at getting a girl tonight”. She frowns and steps away from me. Party continues.
I found out later that she had told her roomies that she wanted one last fling before marriage and had decided I was a good candidate to receive a “birthday present”. Her goal was to pull me away from the party and send me back later with a big smile on my face. And of course next day she decided true blue with her fiance was a better situation. My chances went back to zero.
Still a virgin and but getting to the point I don’t want to be one anymore. But too damn shy to make the move with girls my age. And pretty much terrified of not doing well, embarrassing myself or getting a girl pregnant at my/their stage in life.
Fairly good friend of family lives in same apartment complex. Middle aged, very nice, and pretty good looking. But didn’t ever seem to be much of dater or interested in serious relationships.
Well, once in awhile she liked to clean that apartment from head to toe (like almost move everything out, clean the crap out of the apartment, then clean everything thoroughly as it got move back in). Lots of stuff and lots of heavy assed furniture of course. Almost as much work as moving.
So, eventually she offers to pay me to help her with the project. I can do a few hours a day. Not surprisingly it took days. Maybe even a week. She was pretty friendly while I was there and just got friendlier and friendlier. And dressing skimpier and skimpier too. The last day she is wearing a near see through bathrobe thingy.
At one point I am pretty pooped and sit down. She sits down on my lap, wiggles a good bit and doesn’t get up for a good bit.
Of course I freak out.
Damnit, I could have probably had a very handy friends with benefits for my later high school and college years.
I know. In hindsight, I’m sure it was a setup to help me lose my virginity, but my dad died a couple of years later so I never realized it while he was alive.
And it’s not as if we had nothing in common. I had been a ventriloquist and she was famous for her ability to sing while performing fellatio - which is a bit like ventriloquism.
Can one of you explain the difference between signals and flirting? Because I’ve never given a man a super-secret decoder ring required hint that I wanted to get porked in my life. If I say let’s watch a movie, I mean movie. Getting naked and oiled up? Flirting! What could possibly be mysterious about the motivation behind that?
Yeah, I know. At the time I was in my completely regrettable first marriage, my wife was cheating on me, the female friend was staying with us and the apartment was “clothing optional”. So we spent most of our time naked, and I’m pretty good at giving massages.
I guess it was mostly out of a misguided sense of loyalty to my disloyal ex, I gave this very attractive friend a head to toe massage, working on her back with my erection sliding back and forth between the cheeks of her ass…
The missed opportunity will haunt me till the end of my days. *
Note: I regret not sliding down to her vagina. “Surprise buttsex” is not acceptable in polite company.
