Mr. AdoptaMom tastes better than Doritos.
I’ll take sex.
Don’t tell me we were the last place to have them. 
I miss Sour Cream & Onion Doritos dearly. It doesn’t seem like many people remember them.
Still wouldn’t pass up on sex, though. Even a million dollars would be a tough sell.
If the faeries had asked me this when I was in high school, I would have said, “Well who knows when I’ll ever get laid? Gimme the Doritos.” But now, I would say, “Piss off, before I show you where to put those Doritos.”
I haven’t had an orgasm in three years. So where are my fucking Doritos?!
(This actually isn’t true. Just so you know.)
Yes, but have you ever wondered how he’d taste dipped in sour cream?
Drachillix is whiter than sour cream and nerdy in the extreme—sorry, Weird Al…
Three years without orgasm of any kind? I don’t think I could go three weeks even if I tried. Heck, I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone three days. You certainly wouldn’t want to be around me, at any rate.
So, no to the Doritos.
Aren’t Doritos only like $1.50 a bag? and they’re widely available. I don’t think I’d give up sex to avoid a trip to the corner store.
I think that fantasy was fulfilled in 1988 … or was it 1989?
On the one hand the bargain is amazingly cheap, on the other hand the reward is surprisingly shoddy. Taken all in all I’ll continue to get my munchies the old-fashioned way, thanks. 
sex
Doritos, for sure. Sex prospects are loong pretty low for the next two years, and there is only one city where you can buy doritos in this country (in their less-yummy classic cheese flavor) and they cost five bucks for a mini bag.
See, this is why I always carry an empty bottle with me. I wouldn’t take the Dorito deal either, but I’d capture the fairy in my bottle, set it to X, Y, or Z, and then use it to restore my hearts when my life energy is getting low.
Does nobody else see the potential to end hunger all over the world? You guys are some selfish motherfuckers.
First thing I thought of was going to starving nations and conjuring up billions of doritos to feed the starving. What’s wrong with you bastards?
We’re horny, not hungry?
Who wants to be the Fountain of Doritos? I have my own life to live, thanks.
I went without orgasm for two weeks a while ago to test a theory (there’s a thread around here somewhere…). There is no way in hell I’d last for three years.
On the other hand, I’d gladly give up Doritos for three years to have sex whenever I wanted.
You can be the Fountain of Doritos, I’ll be the Fountain of Spooge.
I concur, Mr. Walrus.
Remember, though, orgasm of any kind is prohibited in the OP. No sexual release at all, even solo, so far as I can understand it.
Yeah, no intentional fun with yourself is allowed. I suppose nocturnal emissions would be exempt though.
Well, as it turns out, the faeries feel bad for you poor sex-craving mortals, so they have sweetened the deal by allowing any kind of food or drink. How do you like them apples?
edited for typos