Either you have posted in the wrong thread by mistake or you are hallucinating.
Stats show it roughly even between men and women committing domestic violence, however the rates are higher for serious injury against women. The rates of DV were higher for gay and lesbian couples compared to hetero couples.
even sven, scum who beat their spouses normally articulate reasons for their actions. The reasons don’t really matter - the real reason is that spouse-beaters are scum, and scum act like scum - but it’s not unreasonable to speculate about the reasons these particular scum are likely to articulate. It’s nothing to do with women (except when they’re the abusers, which is a minority case). We’re just trying to peer into the heads of these scum, a bit.
I am reluctantly moving this to IMHO.
(Reluctantly because I am not keen on foisting my jetsam onto other fora.)
However, this whole thread is little more than opinions, anecdotes, and poor attempts at humor. There is no Great Debate, here.
The problem with the original question is that it too easily becomes a no true scotsman issue.
There are people who hurt people because they feel inadequate. There are people who hurt people because they feel superior. There are people who hurt people because they see it as a means to an end. There are people who hurt people because they find it enjoyable. Etc.
Violence is ultimately a tool used for a variety of motivations rather than solely about any individual pathology, both in and out of relationships. Social mores have also played a large role in regards to how acceptable a given level of violence is, so the question has to be placed in a particular context to have any real meaning.
Otara
We don’t like the fact that you are the choosier sex and as a result are the bottleneck to procreation. I tend to think that fact is behind a lot of the institutional misogyny in human civilization. I don’t know if its true or not, but that is what I tend to believe.
“Bottleneck to procreation”? Are you using that term as some kind of euphemism for recreational sex, or are you actually saying that you think if men finally figure out how to grow their kids in the cabbage patch, that will make gender tensions lessen? Because I’m not really seeing that.
The problem is that it doesn’t make it untrue, either. A guy might respond to a feeling of inadequacy by becoming violent. Another guy might not. There are few (perhaps no) “first causes” in psychology. You can say it goes back to childhood. But in terms of immediate causes and effects, it could happen that the victim says something clever that the criminal can’t respond to intellectually, and, out of foolish rage, he strikes.
I wouldn’t call it an “excuse” because it doesn’t actually “excuse” the behavior at all. It isn’t a very good “reason” either, because there’s no reasoning. But if the guy says, when questioned, “I did it because of her smart mouth,” then that would seem to be the cause.
Well, I don’t see how you can determine this. You’d have to investigate every single instance, and rule out the possibility. That doesn’t seem feasible, or even meaningful.
People are different. Call one guy a “M…F…” in a bar, and he’ll come at you with a broken bottle. Call another guy the same name, and he’ll just smile. People have all sorts of weird behavioral responses.
The OP mentioned physical inadequacy, and I just wanted to say that there are other forms of inadequacy. In some people this might lead to an aggressive reaction.
It’s a bad reaction. Stupid, useless, dangerous, harmful, criminal, and immoral. But some people do such things; we have to keep building jails for them…
Women are choosier about mating. Stereotypically speaking, guys will fuck almost anything that walks but because a woman invests so much more of her time, health and energy into a kid she has to make much choosier decisions. Across the animal kingdom the sex that invests more of itself into offspring makes choosier decisions. So I am guessing institutional misogyny is either in whole or in part an effort to corral women and take their freedom of choice away.
Clever catch phrase but you lost me with the definition.
The most violent men I have known were molested by their mothers. The second most violent group I know watched their fathers abuse their mothers and are repeating the performance.
So why aren’t promiscuous women celebrated by misogynists rather than labeled as worthless sluts?
Impossible to categorize all domestic violence as the same. Sometimes it’s the Hollywood version of a saintly woman being abused by a big brunt. Often its two drunks beating on each other. And everything in between.
You got me. I thought it was more the women who used social pressure to stop other women from being too free with their sexuality. However men can have the same attitudes. So no idea.
Women are choosier about mating. Stereotypically speaking, guys will fuck almost anything that walks but because a woman invests so much more of her time, health and energy into a kid she has to make much choosier decisions
not all women especially single ones are looking to invest time in a child. What about them and choosier decisions?
I tend to agree with this. It’s all about avoiding negative emotions and low emotional intelligence. This means you’re running away from negative emotions but you don’t know you’re doing it. This is done by acting in response to an emotion, but then justifying the action with a logical explanation after the fact.
Say a kid asks her father for an expensive toy. The father agrees because he’s too insecure to admit how little money he earns. The mother reminds the father in front of his daughter that he can’t afford the toy. This embarrasses the father and he responds by smacking the mother across her face. “Don’t embarrass me in front of my child,” he’ll say, and he’ll believe she caused him to hit her. He won’t think for a second that he is having an inappropriate response to negative emotions about his financial situation.
That’s why you see men give all sorts of ludicrous explanations for beating women, when the root cause is simply that the woman brought up a topic the man could not deal with emotionally. Sometimes the woman doesn’t even have to bring up the topic, she can just be around when the guy experiences a negative emotion and the guy will blame it on her.
Not everyone with low emotional intelligence responds with violence. I think that whether someone with low emotional intelligence uses violence or not depends a lot on his childhood (whether he learned violent behavior from his parents) and the culture he lives in (how society responds to him using violence.)
Where do you know all these people? How did you get more than one guy to confess he was molested by his mother?
The fact that people aren’t consciously looking to get pregnant doesn’t mean we can consciously override our built in motivations. People don’t consciously want to get fat and die of heart disease but we still eat shitty diets and don’t exercise.
Before modern medicine women died all the time in childbirth and their health takes a huge hit. Plus women tend to be more emotionally attached to children (women abandoning a child is less common than men doing it). So women have more to lose by picking a bad partner for mating.
The OP is offensive and borderline misandric.
I’d imagine an OP that said: “Is a hot babe, that wears revealing clothing most of the time, likely to be a slut ?” Would of been shut down some time ago.
OK I am going to toss in a little TMI moment, maybe indicative of some problem with me or maybe more of a problem with her, but hell here goes. Maybe it will provide some insight on how a guy who has to this day never actually hit a woman, could find himself physically abusing a S/O.
I was involved in a relationship with someone who had very different priorities than me, and thought nothing of running roughshod over my life in pursuit of her priorities. Problem was I did not realize this until we had been dating for quite some time thinking that the initial incidents were just “shit happens” until I recognized the patterns and that they would not stop. In fact when I called her out on them, they increased in frequency and she became more willful about it. I loved so much about her she was in many ways perfect nerd girlfriend, but by the end of things, she would apologize for for an inconsiderate behavior then repeat it again the next day. After a lot of this it became so frustrating that I found myself wanting to lash out physically. I felt like it was only option I had left. After months of trying to fix the relationship by talking about it and expressing why I was hurt by some of her behaviors, I felt like I was talking to a brick wall. I was so frustrated that I found myself thinking “would it make a difference if smacked her around a little”
a few weeks later, she did something that REALLY pissed me off. I stopped myself mid swing and walked out for a few hours to cool off, she saw it coming probably 3 seconds before I even started to swing and went duck and cover in preparation for the coming pounding. I came back, apologized for scaring her, etc, etc.
For the next month, everything was perfect. Yes probably because she was scared of setting me off and me not stopping. Slowly but surely the behaviors resumed.
The logical part of my brain finally told me clearly, time to end this before I end up in jail for killing this woman with my bare hands.
I do not blame her for the problem as I should have just ended things long before they got to this point. However I can see where men with fewer coping skills or less ability to articulate their needs and feelings would have started swinging much earlier and with far less restraint. At the same time, from long exposure to friends, and cow-orkers, I believe there is a subset of people who do not really worry about upsetting their S/O until it reaches physical violence levels.
It might be worth noting, I grew up in an environment with zero physical abuse that I was aware of. She grew up in a very abusive environment. In retrospect I wonder if the “subset” I mentioned before are people from that environment and prone to believing until someone starts swinging they are not really serious.