Is a big, macho, strong man likely to be a wife-beater?
I read somehere–source not too reliable–that such a man has too much self-assurance to be inclined to physical violence.
I would assume a good deal of people who engage in domestic violence are either people who are repeating a cycle they experienced and witnessed as children, or they are people who harbor deep insecurities and psychological issues who can’t deal with them well.
According to this, 30-60% of DV abusers (which I assume means both men and women, not just men) are suffering from borderline personality disorder. I don’t know what that is based on, but I’m sure that condition greatly increases the risk of violence.
Thisclaims 27% rate of BPD among women arrested for DV. I have no idea if the same applies to men.
You’d assume substance abuse is higher among abusers, but again that is likely a reflection on being unable to process and deal with strong emotions like fear of abandonment, helplessness, frustration, insecurity, etc so feeling an urge to numb them with drugs and alcohol.
A fella I grew up with was badly beaten by his drunken abusive father and my Dad let us informally adopt him, he spent many a night sleeping on the floor between me and my brother (even in High School he sucked his thumb in his sleep). He’s about the toughest street fighting son of a bitch I ever knew plus he’s hung like a horse but I haven’t seen him in years because I couldn’t tolerate the beatings he handed out to his wife.
I saw our dad lay a hand on our mother only once, a light side slap to the rump and our mother cried at that. Me, I’ve rough-handled my wife a lot more but it was mainly in retaliation. Yep, she tried to kill me at least once. And the best thing about it, she’s all mine. 
I don’t think that’s very funny.
You’re not alone.
That’s for sure! :mad:
Well, what if the wife is smarter and better educated than the husband, so that he feels inadequate on an intellectual level? He can’t compete with quips, quotes, reasoned argument, or rhetoric, and thus asserts his dominance physically.
Being big and strong doesn’t provide self-assurance in all ways, only in physical ways.
Considering how many professional athletes have had issues with domestic violence I think the obvious answer is that people who think they aren’t inclined to physical violence don’t know what they’re talking about.
No. Domestic violence cuts across all types, all situations, all families, all occupations, all dynamics. There is no one group that is not subject to domestic violence.
I like Jerry Springer too.
My wife is better educated than I am and makes twice as much money, but I’ve never laid a hand on her in anger.
There absolutely are cases of men who hit their wives because of a perceived social or intellectual inadequacy. Nobody would ever say this is what always happens. Your individual situation is not a meaningful counter-example, because no one ever made such a claim.
I dunno. To me that sounds like an excuse, not a reason: a man who would lash out and hit his wife to show her that she’s not as smart as she thinks she is would lash out and hit a different wife to teach her not to be so fucking stupid all the time.
People who hit people like to find an explanation that is not about them, and they may even believe it, but that doesn’t make it true.
This. My point is not that it can’t happen because I don’t do it. It’s that they are doing it for some other reason.
Ah yes. Rape is basically our fault because we don’t put out enough and guys get frustrated, and now I guess domestic violence is, too.
Dude, what? I disagree with the premise but it’s not remotely close to your precis - it’s that men are violent because their wives’ accomplishments make them feel inadequate.
Oh, okay. Then domestic violence is our fault because we frustrate men by…existing?
There is no blame being assigned to women here. People have thrown out a vaguely plausible hypothesis about why some men are violent. Nobody is saying that women should stop being smart or successful because of it.
Who has said anything like that?
People engage in domestic violence for all sorts of reasons.
For that matter, while it primarily consists of men beating women, I suspect that domestic violence is about as common among gay couples.