One of the most positive, happy and uplifting people on this planet is the Dalai Lama. But I’m pretty sure you know more about Buddhism than he. Else he’d be just as miserable and obsessive as you. You should write him a letter. I’m sure he’d welcome your insights.
Buddhism didn’t tell you that. You are misinterpreting Buddhism because you are depressed. And you are not listening to anyone who is trying to explain Buddhism to you, because you are depressed.
You started out by being depressed. Then you picked out things to be depressed about. That’s how depression works.
You really need to learn the fucking difference between an illusion and an emergent property. I have absolutely zero expectation that you ever will. I fully expect you to luxuriate in wallowing in self-pity for the rest of your unhappy life, because no matter how much you claim otherwise it looks to be exactly what you want.
Certainly you shouldn’t take advice from an illusion, right? That would be crazy. Now, if Buddhism says that all is illusion, then Buddhism itself is an illusion. Therefore you should not even consider what the Buddhist illusion says.
If Buddhism is correct, then it cannot be an illusion, but that implies that Buddhism is not correct, which is a contradiction.
Now perhaps all is an illusion (though the odds are against it) but if this is true it is not because Buddhism says so.
Stop believing in contradictions and you’ll feel much better.