Shaggy, RikRok and ethics (or: It was you, Rik., just admit it)

I’d never listened to a Hip-Hop song before, but an annoying commercial by FOX had gotten the song “It Wasn’t Me” in my brain. After hearing it (and, surprisingly, I kind of liked it!), I felt the need to play good ‘shoulder angel’ to the ‘evil shoulder angel’ Shaggy plays (Shaggy, I was surprised to discover, sounds nothing like Casey Casem).

The situation: RikRok, has been caught by his wife/life partner/girlfriend while in a frenzy of copulation with “the girl next door”.

While trying to stay within fair-use guidelines, I’m going to have to quote some of the song, that I can respond to Shaggy’s comments.
RikRok’s basic situation, summed up in his own words

He then comments that he and his shikse were copulating on the floor of the bathroom. He’d also forgotten that he’d given his life-parnter a key.

Rik, I commend you for not engaging in the typical “I was just giving her artifical respiration” response and facing up to the situation honestly. “To thine own self be true” and all that. (However, “creeping” may be the single most irritating euphamism for “fucking” I’ve ever heard.)

Shaggy responds to this outpouring of honest self-examination by singing:

Now this is bad advice on so many levels
***** If he gave her a key, she’s not a tresspasser
***** Pillow? They were doing it on the bathroom floor. not the bedroom. Are you even listening?
***** “Turn into a killah”? Clearly you have issues with women, sir.
***** I have no idea what the word “beaner” means in this context, so I can’t respond to that point. If, however, it means “don’t call a hit-man”, then I heartily concur, although I have to question why you’d think someone would.
***** He just said he was caught. Clearly he’s not a successful player.
***** “Say you’re gay”??? Now that’s just dumb. He was ‘creeping’ with the girl next door. Um…unless “Honey” is a guy and Shaggy is telling Rik to reaffirm his sexual identity! No. Rik calls Honey “she” later.

RikRok then proceeds to give us a close-up of the single, heartwrenching moment when his wife(?) discovered him. Apparently, he was rushing the girl next door around the house as though they were on a scavenger hunt. Per Rik, in that single heartbreaking instant they were
***** On the bathroom floor
***** On the kitchen counter
***** On the sofa
***** In the shower
And his life-partner not only saw all of this, but got it all video-taped. And RicRok was so distracted he didn’t notice her following them from room to room with a video camera. Rik, awareness of your surroundings is a primary requisite for sentience. Plakton is more aware of it’s surroundings than you were.

In any event, Shaggy just tells RikRok to deny every specific point with the phrase “It wasn’t me.”

Again, Rik: Bad advice. This is a Hip-Hop song, not Alfred Hitchcock’s Suspicion. And, frankly Rik, you’re no Cary Grant. You won’t make your wife doubt her sanity, especially since she’s got video-tape of you, but you will be providing her with lawyer-fodder.

Shaggy’s last bit of advice is:

Again, Shaggy, you clearly have issues. I will bet large sums of money that Rik’s wife will remember the hurt and betrayal for more than, at best, 24 hours (noontime). The fact that, despite the obvious pain she must have been in, she had enough presence of mind to film the whole incident shows that of the four people involved in this mess (Shaggy, Rik, Honey and the shikse), she’s clearly the brightest. And why do you assume she’ll be packing heat? Projecting, are we? Frankly, given Honey’s rational, level-headedness in the face of a crisis, I’d fear her testimony in divorce court far more than I’d worry about the unlikely event of her shooting me.

Luckily, RikRok seems to also see through Shaggy’s advice, saying that it makes “no sense at all” and that he’s going to apologize for all the pain he’s caused her.

To which I say: Good show! Facing up and expressing regret for one’s actions are the first signs of maturity you’ve shown. But can you go the next step, RikRok? Some sort of relationship therapy is clearly in order. You’ve also broken the bond of trust between you and your life-parnter. It will take months if not years to repair the breach of trust you’ve caused, but you’re on the right track. Kudos to you, Rik!

And Shaggy? Seek help.

Fenris (again, very surprised to find that I liked the song, despite the above.)

Actually, he’s sleeping with the girl next door, not “creeping”.

That song is just so catchy, and I love the tune. Except I HATE the words! It drives me crazy.

Geez, Fenris–I’m kinda sorry I gave you the song title. If I had known it owuld turn into such an all-comsuming passion, I would have skipped that thread.
But yeah, the lyrics are pretty skank.

Incorrect. He’s creepin’.

And while I agree that Rik’s final assesment of Shaggy, “You might think you’re a player but you’re completely lost,” (I think that’s the line) is a step in the right direction, I would point out that in the bridge, RikRok mentions that he is sorry for the pain that he caused, and that he had tried to keep Honey from finding out about his sexual decathalon so she wouldn’t get hurt. He doesn’t say he’s sorry for what he did, just that Honey had to find out. So our man Rik may be taking a step in the right direction by ignoring Shaggy’s syphilitic ramblings, I feel that to win back Honey’s trust, he has to take that next step, and own his guilt. He must realize that it is disrespectful to Honey to be creepin’ behind her back, and that her pain springs not so much from the hot monkey love she witnessed, but from Rik’s dishonesty.

Frankly, I think Oprah needs to roll up in this situation and straighten some things out.