I wonder if this article was ChatGPT generated…
I stopped drinking alcohol two years ago, and it’s actually been easy to find non-alcoholic choices I enjoy at the bars. Usually, there’s one or two NA beers to choose from that are not Sharp’s or O’Douls. I was shocked a few months ago when I was in Sheboygan or Sheboygan Falls at a very typical Wisconsin bar-and-pizza joint mostly filled with older (read: non-hipster) folk, and they not only had at least two NAs, they had a selection of like 10 of them, including a stout and a gose (type of sour.) I would never have expected anything more than O’Douls at a place like that!
Otherwise, mocktails have also become a thing in certain quarters. If nothing is available to me, then I guess a soda with lime and a dash of bitters (yes, that adds a tiny bit of alcohol, so depending on how teetotaling you are, you may want to avoid it. It hasn’t sent me on a bender yet.) Or sometimes I’ll get a diet Coke/Pepsi, but that’s not really fulfilling the “sophisticated” part of your post.
Since we’re all talking about Shagnasty I just wanted to point out this isn’t even the worst anecdote he’s ever told. Maybe it came after '05 but “haha that time I switched places with my friend and sexually assaulted my friend’s girlfriend” still ranks.
I saw the Prudie article and thought of this thread too
That’s the one I thought it was going to be, too.
That’s the one he called the funniest thing ever, right?
The one he kept in a word doc so he could cut and paste when it could be repeated on topic.
It’s hard to find a joint that serves a good one like Sioux City Sarsaparilla.
When I used to go to gay bars, up until about 30 years ago, the non-alco drink of choice was sparkling mineral water: Perrier if you wanted to be upscale, or I used to drink Crystal Geyser. There was even a New Yorker cartoon in the early 80’s about gay men drinking Perrier – it was a checkout at a grocery store, and a stereotypical gay clone had only yogurt and Perrier in his cart. The clerk was saying “Perrier and yogurt, Perrier and yogurt, don’t you guys ever buy anything else?” Not particularly funny, but the point was fair.
It was also a gag in the 1988 cult classic Heathers - the killer wanted the police to think that a pair of teenage boys he killed were gay lovers, so he planted a couple of bottles of Perrier on their bodies.
It was Evian which is still water.
I never stop learning things from this board.
I don’t even want to do the math to figire put how old I was the first time I read this.
I need to go see if i said something stupid.
[paraphrased from Dennis Miller]
French tap water costs how much?! It’s not a coincidence that Evian spelled backwards is naive.
[/pfDM]
…
My go to non alcoholic beverage of choice is cranberry juice, with a twist of lime (it’s basically my alcoholic drink of choice, minus the vodka). I guess it would be a virgin Cape Cod.
Sometimes, if I order “cranberry juice straight” at a bar, I don’t even get charged.
I like a cocktail of cranberry juice and gingerale, with a twist of lime. Every bar can make it.
But I’m impressed by the women with the confidence to order milk.
We’ve had anecdotes since 2005 that were a lot worse.
Most likely explanation is he was lying about it being a definitely true story about his friend Suzie, and also the advice columnist story isn’t a real thing that recently happened, right? Just one of those classic canards people like passing around. He was certainly the type.
It’s also not that off the wall that it couldn’t have happened more than once in twenty years.
I don’t know if it was real or not, but the generic name “Suzie” made me a little suspicious.
TBH, a lot of what Shagnasty said sounded like urban myths repackaged.
So like… is she still available?