[QUOTE=burundi]
I agree that a lack of chores does not necessarily equal spoiled. But, as **Obsidian ** and SurrenderDorothy’s stories show, running a household efficiently takes a series of learned skills. If your kids leave home without learning those skills, I think you’ve failed a little bit in preparing them for adulthood. Raising kids doesn’t just mean raising someone who gets into a good college; it means raising someone who can function as an independent adult and good spouse.
My mom wouldn’t just give me chores, she would explicitly teach me, "This is how you clean a bathroom. Step one.., “This is how you iron a shirt. Step one…” By the time I graduated from high school, I could prepare a Sunday dinner for eight without breaking a sweat. I’m very grateful that I didn’t have to figure this stuff out on my own.
[/QUOTE]
My parents had a similar system, and, luckily enough for them, I was not only the last child but one of the most curious ones. I learned cooking partially through observation and partially through trying things out on my own or helping when we were making more complicated meals. I never really had any regular chores or a regular allowance, but I was expected to help out around the house. When we had a dog, I’d walk the dog after school and make sure that he got fed once I was old enough to walk him. I’d help unload groceries from the car and bring them into the house, and put things away when I was done with them; I didn’t do a lot of dishwashing until I got older, but I was trained to bring my plates to the sink and my dirty laundry to the proper hamper. (Before my parents divorced, they had a three basket laundry system: whites, darks, and “neither white nor dark.” Even though I didn’t start out doing my own laundry, I knew how to separate it into loads.) I even had a subtle lesson in not being territorial with things or spaces (When we had more guests than spare beds, I got booted to a couch or [in later years] to my mom’s room. No biggie.) that are not explicitly mine. It helped a lot when transitioning to dorm life in college.
I remember going to college and discovering that, not only did a lot of kids (especially the wealthier ones) not know how to cook, but they didn’t know how to do laundry or clean up after themselves. It did baffle me, and eventually I ended up using my rudimentary cooking and cleaning skills to either help a friend not be afraid of cooking* or to take advantage of an annoying roommate’s slovenly behavior.** I did, however, hear horror stories from friends and acquaintances of having to live with roommates in a one-room dorm setup where the roomie’s side had a floor covered in dirty panties, week-old food plates, wrappers, and other things that attract roaches. I sincerely have to wonder how they dealt with this before they resorted to getting a roommate exchange.
[sub]*His family had three boys, all of which were shooed out of the kitchen for fear of the house going up in flames. After a few times of us hanging out and making something simple in the dorms, he started cooking on his own when we moved into an apartment with other friends. He’s now quite the adventurous
cook, and I feel proud for having introduced the world of culinary arts to him.
**I was still living in the dorms and was assigned to a “mini townhouse” style dorm that housed four girls, myself included. Two of the other girls knew how to clean up after themselves, but the third roommate would leave dishes and such in the sink for three weeks at a time. After three weeks, I cleaned all her dishes (except for the ones that broke under the weight in the sink), dried them, put them on the kitchen table, and left her a note saying she owed me $10 for the service. She initially was quite happy, but got pissed when she saw that I wanted some reward for cleaning up after her. Thank Og she didn’t spend much time in the dorms.[/sub]
Oh, and as for ironing, I knew the basics of it (through observation), but I didn’t have much that needed ironing when I was younger. It actually wasn’t until my senior year of college (about two years ago) that I had anything that would need ironing on a regular basis, but I manage to iron pretty well because I knew the “theory” of how it’s done.
I think that not preparing a child to become an adult who can handle household chores and finances is putting the child at a disadvantage, but when it’s paired with someone who’s used to getting everything they desire or not having to do anything without parental help, you start to see spoiled kids who become spoiled adults. One can give their kids a lot of stuff without spoiling them, and one can also forget to teach the skills required to be independent without spoiling them, but it’s all about the relationship that the kid has with their parents in regard to this and all other aspects of that relationship. Kids who are the bosses in their families are not learning to be anything but spoiled.
Why? So she’ll appreciate them more? I’m not criticizing you or anything, I really wanted to know.