Ah, so many. Off the top of my head:
In the dead silence of the consignment shop I work at, a co-worker and I commented softly to each other on how nice it was to finally have a moment of peace. Just as we shared that moment and each turned back to our own quiet work, a small child broke the silence by streaming in the front door, pounding down the front ramp, and screaming “TRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!” at the top of his mighty, tiny lungs, making a beeline for our store’s train table display. Several moments later, his harried mother came in, apologising, saying her child just adored the trains we had set up. It was pretty damn funny.
Tossing merchandise into a bucket to be put onto the salesfloor, I held up a stuffed puppy of some sort, muttering about how ugly it was, and tossed it into the bucket with the rest. On contact, it screamed, then said “I didn’t like that!” My co-worker and a customer stared into the bucket. Somewhere from the back of a nearby closet, “Pop Goes the Weasel” began to play. “I work in a friggin’ cartoon,” I muttered, and couldn’t help but laugh when everyone else did.
My parents and brother came to visit us this year at Christmas. We took them out to dinner one night, and had a large table in a room all to ourselves. My brother, who is a little odd but loveable, and hasn’t very good social skills, was trying mightily to be polite and say just the right thing when the waiter was speaking to him. Unfortunately, we all fell to pieces when, trying to order the “Crispy Chicken Tenders”, informed the waiter that he would like an order of the “Tender Crispy Chickens”. It was late, and we were tired, and it just struck us as the funniest damn thing, and we laughed ourselves to tears. Riding that wave, later in the night, my mother was showing me that we could order a pie whole, and take it home for Christmas. I mentioned that that sounded quite tasty, and I would like to get something like that for Christmas. Suddenly, my father looked at her, and couldn’t quite spit it out without a burst of laughter at the end: “Did you just say ‘piehole’?!” That set us all off again, drying our eyes with our napkins. Just as we started to settle down once more, my husband leaned over and asked me if I felt a little better. Barely able to contain myself, I sputtered, “No! I feel awful. I’m getting a piehole for Christmas.” And off we went again. I’m sure it’s not that funny in the retelling. You probably had to be there. It might help to know that my parents are usually quite reserved and a bit dignified. Our humour is usually very dry and riddled with puns, both clever and benign. This was a very unusual incident.
My father got himself a Safeway card, and used it with glee during his stay. There are no Safeway stores back home. This struck me as hilarious. Also, his realisation that the Safeway card was getting him the price he should be getting anyway struck me as pretty funny, too.
Stuffing my Dad’s stocking with bubble gum cigarettes from Archie McPhee’s. Machismo Cigarettes, they were, for Manly Men. Cactus Flavour, with a picture of a rugged cowboy on the front. The funny moment came when my brother pulled a pack of bubble gum cigarettes from his stocking, also from Archie McPhee’s. Just Like Dad, they were called. The joke here is that both of them are vehemently anti-smoking. They loved it, however. Later on, everytime my Dad took out a stick from his pack, my brother would take his out, too.
My husband’s imitation of Morrissey. After listening to *Hairdresser on Fire * one night, Mr. Stasaeon began wondering aloud if he’d ever heard Morrissey’s speaking voice. “Maybe it sounds just like those sounds he makes,” he pondered, and began speaking in a very Kermit the Frog-esque voice, “Ehwr, I fell down, errrooorhhhaeerreww!” I died. It was awesome. You had to be there. “Eh, who put this banana peel here? Errhheehhheww! Why are you laughing at me? Erher.”
Mr. Stasaeon accidentally exposing himself to two old ladies deserves a mention here, too.
and still fit in. So myself and another friend spent all day picking out costumes, I decided I’d be a ahem lady of negotiable affection. Corset, extremely short skirt, fishnet tights and gloves the whole deal. My friend on the other hand decided to be a french maid, short skirt, apron, garter, little hat, feather duster.