Fun could be had by all!
I had to pay for that. There was no insurance for underage kids in carts.
Oh it wasn’t THAT much.
Tiger Woods, Jesus, and an old man are playing golf. They start on a par 5, 500 yards.
Tiger hits the tee shot straight down the fairway. He avoids all the traps and hazards and has a 150 yard lie, straight to the pin.
Jesus hits his tee shot straight down, 490 yards, leaving himself an easy, straight put.
The old guy lines it up, swings with one arm, and it heads right for the water. But just before it goes in, a fish leaps out of the water and grabs it. Before the fish can resubmerge, a hawk swoops and picks the fish out of mid-air. The hawk is flying away and just as he’s passing over the green, a bolt of lightning hits it, killing it. The fish drops, hits a rock, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls straight into the cup.
Jesus just turned around and said, “Quit showing off, Dad!”
Ok, so I am a theist. There is something to be said with getting up at the crack of dawn when only our aviary friends and the white tail are awake. Being with friends as the sun comes up, remembering when we were younger and getting ready to set out on a 4.5 hour journey that will bring pain and joy. That’s golf in a nutshell. There is a quiet voice that comes to me at such times as these.
Yeah, that quiet voice says “Og dammit, why aren’t you back in bed? The golf course isn’t going anywhere, you know!”
Actually my voice will say why did you try to feather a seven iron into the wind as opposed to let an eight iron ride the currents and leave yourself a stinking fifteen footer downhill as opposed to a twenty footer back up the hill.
Morning golf really really sucks. The course is damp and as you play every green gets a little drier and faster until after 9 they are dry. Your socks are wet . your pants are soggy and you keep spilling your coffee. Golf must not start til 10.
If you replace your coffee with vodka/orange juice, you day will be MUCH better.
After a rocky start, my last few scores for the nine-hole evening league are 44, 37 and 42 (with a 9! on a par-4 :eek: ), with birdies (for skins, hehehe) each round. The Sunday league witnessed a 76. So I think it’s gonna be a good year. For once, the wedges are actually doing what I want them to (which might have something to do with actually swinging them with something approximating a correct tempo for a change :dubious: ).
Got you beat. I actually shot a 10 yesterday evening.
- Lazy swing on my drive spun right into a lake
- penalty
- beautiful looking 8-iron caught the lip of a trap - 6" from perfect
- stayed in the trap
- out and over the green, leaving a tricky downhill chip
6-7. scared of the chip, I swung weakly and double hit it, leaving a long steep downhill putt
8,9,10. How better to wrap things up than with a nice 3-putt.
That was #5 - i was 1 over thru 4.
My first real job was as a caddie at a country club. I sucked at it for the first 10 rounds or so that I did, but after that I was a pretty decent club monkey and could always be the first guy out of the clubhouse in the morning. This one morning I was picked by a guy who I’d caddied for a few times previously and he was a nice guy, always bought me sodas and hotdogs from the cart and a huge tipper too. Well we went out and this guy proceeded to have the worst round of golf that anyone has ever played. Ever. He was a pretty good golfer most of the time too.
Things came to a head when he shanked the third consecutive shot into the water on one of the back 9. He calmly replaced the 5 iron he had been using, filled out my caddy card with a $20 tip on top and told me to keep the clubs, he was giving up golf forever. He turned on the spot and walked back in the direction of the clubhouse. I waited with the rest of the foursome (who had never met the guy before that morning) for about 15 minutes before I hustled back to the clubhouse expecting the caddy master to kill me over something I must have done.
I got back and found the caddy master and told him what happened and he said he knew, they guy was just in there talking to him and that I could actually keep the clubs, he was serious.
That’s how I got a set of full set of graphite shafted Ping black dots when I was 14 years old. It sucked walking all the way back home with them though. 
…
I haven’t touched my clubs this year for a couple of reasons. The past few years, I was able to get out twice a month and I’d be shooting between 85-88. I never really bothered with a handicap since I never saw why I needed one. I noticed last year that if I ever wanted to play in one of the tournaments at the club, I needed a handicap…so if I ever make it out this year I have to remember to stop by that computer in the clubhouse on my way home.
I feel confident that if I was ever able to play on a regular basis, I could shave a few more strokes off. I don’t do anything really well but I don’t have any glaring holes which sounds like the characteristics of someone shooting in the mid-80s.
Almost forgot, I’ve got a brand new set of clubs with brand new stiff rifle shafts sitting at home. I really need to get out and try them.
Still using them? 
The courses just opened here a couple of weeks back. We had a little problem with snow this year. Anyway, I’ve been out twice, once for 18 and then after work Tuesday for my 9 hole league. Strangely, my first round was much better than my second. I think I need to hit the range a few times before next Tuesday.
I’m pretty much a hack of a golfer. I learned to play within my means a long time ago, which means I don’t use a driver, and use my 3 iron for punching out only. I usually shoot in the 105 to 115 range, but putting is really my nemesis. I tried putting with my hands separated by a few inches on the last 4 or 5 holes the last time out; it felt good and I was putting much better. I think if this method works I could trim 12 strokes off easily.
Anyway, there is little else I would rather be doing than playing golf. It is a marvelous game if you don’t take it too seriously. I mean really, you get to spend a few hours laughing and joking with other people. It involves skill and strategy, and you get to enjoy nature and a few drinks (optionally). I intend to play up until I can no longer walk.
Therein lies the rub, I don’t golf.
I’m hovering between 12-15 these days, though my first couple of outings this year have been brutal. My great achievement during tonight’s work league was accidentally dumping my playing partner out of a moving golf cart by taking a left turn too enthusiastically. :o
I did knock one 280 or so off the tee and hit a few crisp irons, though.