What do you call a quadriplegic in your swimming pool?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic lying on your doorstep?
Matt.
Bonanza!
[ul]
[li]The plan to get my dog to swallow semen is coming on a treat. [/li][li]This pregnant girl I know has made a separate Facebook account just for her unborn child.[/li]It’s beginning to annoy me so much that I’ve decided to set up an account as a coat hanger, add the unborn child and poke them.
[li]Have you heard the one about the baby with AIDS?[/li]Ah, it never gets old.
[li]Apart from humans, the only animal that enjoys having sex is a dolphin.[/li]I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.
[li]Statistically, nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape…[/li][li]What do most girls say when they experience their first orgasm?[/li]Gulp.
My Jewish mate has been with his tourettes suffering girlfriend for four years now. I often wondered what kept them together. Then I saw the swear jar. [/ul]
What’s red, white, and bounces up and down?
A baby in a blender.
What do you call a one-legged woman?
Ilene.
What’s black and white and black and off-white and black and brown and black and black?
A nun on a spit.
Hey, did you know that Helen Keller had a swingset in her backyard?
…yeah, neither did she.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, some soda, and a dead baby.
What’s the difference between a truckload of gravel and a truckload of dead babies?
Can’t unload the truckload of gravel with a pitchfork.
What’s gross? A pile of dead babies.
What’s grosser? The live on on the bottom trying to eat his way out.
What do you call a Japanese one-legged woman?
Irene
How does a Kentucky mom know when her daughter’s having her period?
She tastes blood on her son’s penis.
What’s 17 inches long and makes a woman scream all night long?
Crib death.
How do you castrate a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
What’s grossest? He goes back for seconds.
To all the people who said that I’d never be able to write a joke about Bukkake: hah, in your face!
I’m so homophobic, I’ve devised a way to masturbate without touching my cock.
I get my mate Dave to do it.
How do you know when your frat buddy is gay?
When his cock tastes like shit.
What’s black and blue and wet all over?
Caylee Anthony
Stelios, great jokes…but what on earth does this mean? Some Britishism, perhaps?
It’s a play on Britishisms. He is putting cum on a dog treat. Which the dog then eats. Thereby swallowing his…you get it.
Q: What do you say to a black Jew?
A: Get to the back of the oven.
This is one of my all time favorites.
What do you call a quadriplegic hanging on the wall?
Art.
What’s the World’s thinnest strip of beach?
Bobby Sands.
What’s pink and hard first thing in the morning?
a cot death