Here’s one that my stepfather actually told at open-mike night in a comedy club once back when he was my age. I kid you not, he got third place. Friends of his were there and swear this is true.
Q: “What’s the best thing about raping a 6-year-old-girl?”
A: “Getting to kill her afterwards.”
A, mi padrastro, ladies and gentlemen. Always debonair, and never out to shock…
sigh… why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9. (gotta say it out loud) and it still makes me smile. Also one of the few jokes I can tell kids.
A woman golfer hits the ball into the woods. While searching for it she finds a small man dressed in green with a lump on his head. She rolls him over and finds her ball. Shocked she did this, she revies the man.
He looks at her and says he is a Leperacan(yes, I am butchering the spelling) and for helping him he will grant her 3 wishes. But, since she was the one that hit him in the first place anything she wishes for will also be given to her husand 100x better. She agrees.
For her first wish she wishes to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The tiny man reminds her, that if she is the most beautiful woman in the world then her husband will be the most handsome man in the world and the envy of all women. She does not worry, since she will be the most beautiful woman, he will only have eyes for her. BAM, the wish is granted.
Her second wish is to be the richest woman in the world. Again, the tiny man points out that the husband will get 100x that for himself. She does not worry, she says. What is mine is his, and his is mine. BAM, the wish is granted.
What would you like for your third wish, asks the man in green? She replies, a mild heart attack.
A young girl had just gotten her drivers license and wanted to take the car out on the town Friday night so she asks her father. He replies, " Well, if you give me a blowjob I suppose I’d let you." She runs to her room and cries for a couple of hours. She wants to borrow the car so much that she tries again, and the old man says, “If you want to borrow the car Friday night, you know the price.” So, again, the young girl runs crying to her room. She’s so desperate that she finally decides to bend to Daddy’s will. She returns to her father, the old man pulls down his pants, and she begins the job. Suddenly she pulls her face away and says, “Yuk, Daddy! Your dick tastes like shit!” He thinks for a moment and says, “Hmmm. That reminds me, your brother has the car this Friday.”
Wow, I’m impressed. You people are depraved. The baby ones always get me. Here’s another:
What’s the difference between a truckload of sand and a truckload of babies?
You can’t unload sand with a pitchfork.
And as an aside, I saw the Special Olympics one in another thread or two, and IMHO, it loses a lot of effect with cursing added in. “Not being retarded,” is the ideal punchline, I’d say.
