At summer camp we were all sitting on our horses in a circle before leaving the corral. One of the horses cut this tremendous fart, causing Steve Stolje to fall off his horse from laughing so hard. But then the horse behind the one that farted got this huge horse boner, apparently excited by either the fart or it’s odor. I think a couple more campers fell off their horses then, weak from laughter.
As a young teen, I was helping my dad run a yard sale for some friends of the family. They had a dog called Flag: part lab, part pony or something. Good, solid dog. Developed a crush on my leg, and decided to try his luck. I wasn’t having any of it, and pushed the dog off of me. Flag fell on the ground, yelping like only a huge dog can. Writhed on his back on the ground, all the while, AIP! AIP! AIP!
The dirty looks I was getting from the browsers! “Look at that monstrous child, beating that poor dog!” Finally Flag settled down, looked up at me and started wagging his tail, as if to say, “Look at the power I have!”
Stoopid Flag!
Back in Connecticut I’d catch the neighborhood kids messing with our neighbors dog Brutus… He was a huge half malimut half new foundland - Oh and when I mean messing with him all I need say is -
***" Look Bobby, the more I rub his belly the the more RED ROCKET comes out!!! Red Rocket!! Red Rocket!!! ***
{{{Shudder}}}}
Growing up, my family went through a succession of parakeets. The first one, Beauty, fell in love with my dad. She would fly over to his shoulder, rub her head against his cheek, and coo like a pigeon.
Our second 'keet, Mr Bach, had the same problem, only with me. He would be sitting on my finger, then he’d start rubbing against my finger, then he’d wrap his wings around my hand and start making these little grunting noises.
He stopped bugging me when my sister got a Cockatiel. Her name was Cleo, and she was easily twice Mr Bach’s size. He adored her. He’d scoot right up next to her and make inquisitive little coos. But Cleo wasn’t having any of it. We came downstairs one morning to find that she had plucked Mr Bach’s tail and wing feathers. He looked like a very small chicken, shivering in the corner of the cage like that. Cleo was sitting in the exact center of the cage with a look on her face like “no means NO, bitch!”
One day, when I was in high school, I cut school with a girl I really liked a lot. We went to the Bronx Zoo. It was a real nasty day as only an early spring day in New York can be. As a result, we went to lot of the indoor exhibits to get out of the cold and wet. In the mammal house, at the far end, there was a cage for the hippos. About 3 feet in front of the cage there was a very thick, tall and wide plexiglass shield. She asked me why they’d set up the shield there. I told her that I had no idea and looked around to see if there was a sign somewhere explaining why the shield was there. There was only one animal in the cage and it was facing away from us.
Suddenly the animal proved conclusively that it was male. It 's nasty bit emerged and pointed almost directly backwards. And then it began to pee. It pped so hard and fast that the plexiglass rocked backwards several inches even though it was set into the concrete floor. This was plexiglass 4 inches thick. The stream made the average high pressure fire hose look like a leaky faucet. And it went on for several minutes.
After we got over the shock, it was really loud too, we burst out laughing. It did put the boy-girl mating dance on hold for about an hour though. 
When I was about four, I saw two llamas going at it on a zoo trip. My parents rushed me away and told me not to look. Which of course caused me to never ever forget what I saw. I think I ‘figured it out’ four or five years later.
That’s all I got…
No.
At Wildlife Safari, driving through, must have been mating season for Ostriches. I think this guy was probably chasing females when he was distracted by our slow moving car, but he approached while obviously still in a state of, uh, arousal.
The thing was, I mean his thing was huge! Enormous! And scary, I might add. Enflamed, red, engorged, and huge! Did I say huge?!
The “give it to me” stance is not complete without a lot of treading with the hind legs.
My husband is the Object of Desire of both our (spayed!) female cats. We adopted both when they were too sick to be spayed, and both of them went through a heat cycle before they were really healthy enough to be operated on. Both females have been able to figure out that the male cat, while of the appropriate species, is Not Interested because we had HIM snipped before he knew what his balls were really for. Both females know that my husband is a fully functioning male, and they were determined to make kittens with him. He very nearly checked into a hotel room while they were in heat. All three cats love him anyway, and when love turns to lust, it’s just more than he can stand. And one of the females IS Siamese, and proved it when she was in heat.
My husband likes to put his feet up on the ottoman while he sits on the couch. The little blue-grey cat likes to lie on her back, between his legs. If he rubs her tummy, she’ll put her hind feet behind her head, just to give him a hint. The other female cat is just as forward. I’m afraid that we call them both “slutty kitty”.
I was on a road trip with friends in Rosarito, Mexico, and as we laid on the beach drinking Bohemias and enjoying the calm of the ocean, a couple of dogs came into view.
At first we thought they were playing, but there was something awkward about it. One dog would mount the other, but then just as quickly drop to all fours again, but he never left the other dog’s backside. As they moved closer we realized they were stuck together, penis to vagina.
We watched them struggle this way for more than an hour, until they hobbled away out of view. We discussed what we could do to help, but came up empty.
They looked very … uncomfortable.
Yup, the male dog’s penis swells up during sex and he can’t take it out again until it goes down. If you spook the female dog during this time it is entirely possible for her to drag the male around my the penis.
Uh, that is, you SHOULDN’T spook the female. Tempting as it is.
Oh, and (why do I always forget to add something?) if you want to separate them quickly, throw a bucket of cold water over the male dog. Never force them apart; this could cause, ahem, serious injuries.
There oughta be a law.
We thought about finding a bucket and throwing some ocean water on them, but that would meant having to leave our beers and beach chairs for more than 5 minutes, and that just wasn’t going to happen. 
Besides, we figured that if he got it in there, eventually he should be able to get it back out.
OK it’s been like nine threads tonight…
Has anybody told you that you rule yet?
My supervisor has two fixed male Yorkies that she brings to work. Everyone loves them and brings them presents. One such gift was a stuffed gray very realistic looking rabbit. Well, one Yorkie really got off on that rabbit, and humped it till the stuffing came out. My supervisor threw it away. Poor thing was humped to death by a fixed male dog.
My own darling Corgi mix, Bobby Ranger, seems to be in love with me. No TMI though. All he does is sit on my lap and gaze into my eyes like he’s contemplating true love’s first kiss.
Conjoined twins. Yep, that must be it. Can you imagine what life like that would be like?
“La la la…bein’ a dog, bein’ a dog…la la la…HEY! What the hell are you doing back there??”
“Whoa, sorry, sorry…”
“Get away from me!!”
“Hey, I said sor-OW!! Stop running! That hurts! OW!”
Yesterday was Club Rush at my school, so during lunch all the clubs and organizations set up booths around the quad to try and attract new members. The FFA/4H Club set up outside my room, and they brought a horse. A stallion. As I was eating my lunch and talking to the kids, I noticed that 6 of my girls were staring out the window, fascinated. Seems the stallion had scented something interesting, and had an erection. The looks on the girl’s faces was priceless…like a rabbit mesmerized by a cobra. Finally, they turned away, as Maranda said “Wow. Now I know what *hung like a horse * means!”
Was I wrong to laugh that loud?