Happy Hump Day! Share your funny sex stories

Happy Hump Day!

I thought on this wednesday, we could share funny things that happened to us while we were having or trying to have. . . .horizontal relations.

Tell us something to make us laugh and get us over the hump of this week!

Here’s mine from about 16 years ago (if I’ve told this in another thread, please forgive me - but it makes me laugh every time):

The current bf and I went away for the weekend with another couple, Joe & Beth. J&B had gotten to the campground the day before and were out whitewater rafting when we got there. They had rented a cabin, we rented a pop-up trailer in a different section of camp. So bf & I head to the pop-up trailer. It’s hot as heck so all we want to do is get naked - which naturally leads to other things.

So there we are, in one of the “wings” of the pop-up, in the middle of the afternoon. We can hear the kids playing on their bikes outside the cabin - but we don’t care. I climb on top and reach up and am using the ceiling support rod to really go to town when suddenly “POP!” it slides out of socket and the whole canvas tenting falls on top of us.

Well, I just busted out laughing and fall in to the main part of the cabin, holding my sides and just guffawing. The bf calls out, “Hey! I’m still excited over here!” and is feverishly trying to get the tent pole back up before his goes down.

We try to recover and get back in to motion - but I can’t stop chuckling. First he gets really agitated but finally he starts laughing too. Then we hear the kids outside saying, “What are they doing in there, mommy?” and we just start giggling all over again.

So how about you? What’s your silly sex story?

Nothing quite that exciting happened to me during The Act. My best story is that I always wanted to do it on a beach.

In my excitement, I picked a spot with poison ivy.:eek::smack:

I was the only one to be affected, at least.:slight_smile:

oh noes!!

Here’s one my friend told me about:

Her husband got a bit randy and so they were going at it doggie-style - him standing - her on the bed. In the midst of all of this motion - something moved in her ocean and she farted.

Well it just got her giggling so hard - but her husband was on a mission so he just kept going. Not wanting to spoil the mood - my friend grabbed her pillow and put her face in it so he wouldn’t hear her chuckles. The movement made her fart again - which only made her laugh harder.

Her husband was still going at it like a trooper.

She started laughing so hard she found herself gasping for air and started choking - so she had to take her face out of the pillow. There she is - laughing and giggling. And farting.

And her husband is just going to town.

Suddenly - she coughed - and a feather from the pillow goes flying out her mouth.*

yup. her husband did get to finish. He was a man on a mission, I tell ya. How do I know this is true? She called me right after he was done - and she was still laughing. and farting. No more feathers though.

It seems like every time I have sex, there’s laughter.

And pointing.

If you would stop trying to sing “Bow-chicka-bow-wow” during it, Hypno, you might have better luck!!

“Slow, loving, and tender” would not be a great description for this particular girl. She was the passionate bouncy bouncy type.

She wanted to show me a new position that I’d never tried before. I sat on the corner of my bed with my feet on the floor, and she straddled me and proceded with the bouncy bouncy. Apparently the leg of the bed frame didn’t think that was such a good idea, and we got “that sinking feeling.”

Fortunately the frame was still under warranty.

Obligatory XKCD cartoon.

Sex is not funny. It is serious, dispassionate, and sterile.

Going at it one evening, I was on the bottom, she was on the top, I laid back and let her have it it. It was nice. I could feel her hands scratching at my chest. And she was running her fingers through my hair… Wait a minute… That doesn’t seem right… How many hands does she have? Aw jeez, damn cat, stop licking my head!

The best part is that the special moment was actually captured on videotape. Heheheh.

Ummm… which head?

I had a brief fling with a guy who was really into kinky role-playing. One of his fantasies was to play a college-age backpacker who gets stopped at the border under suspicion of spying and interrogated by a mean, sexy border agent. I’m not good with accents, but my German was the least-bad, so that’s what we went with.

After a slightly awkward start, we got into our roles pretty well and the scene was going smoothly. I had some nice new wrist cuffs I’d bought from the local S/M store, and my basement apartment had a sturdy heating pipe running near the ceiling, so when he wouldn’t admit to being a spy, I cuffed him to the pipe and took a riding crop to his ass. He struggled, and I taunted him in my absurd accent. He struggled harder, and suddenly the spring snap on one of the cuffs broke, releasing my “prisoner.” I managed to stay in character long enough to snarl, “Zo, you sink you arre tough?” and whack him with the riding crop before we both broke down laughing.

We did manage to pull ourselves together and finish the scene; it turned out he was a spy after all!

The funniest thing to happen lately was the pigeons outside the window in our hotel room on our last trip. We were just getting started, when suddenly we hear a couple of them cooing on the window ledge. The curtains were mostly drawn, but the windows were open. Windows without screens. We got a little silly laughing about the idea of these pigeons coming into the room. It took us some time to get back to business, so to speak.

It was funnier than how I just described it.

Start with green apple-flavored edible lube.
Add much happy friction to lubed region.

Result: Eventual pause in the action from then-boyfriend-now-husband, and a question from him, “Do you smell… baked apples?” :eek:

These are all great - but I have to confess I spittaked on this one. :smiley:

Penal fracture. That’s all I can say without writhing in sympathy pains again.

What do I win?

Nitpick: Unless this happened in stir, it’s penile fracture.
And I agree it’s a scary thought. I was freaked ever since I first heard about it.

Nothing! That’s not funny, that’s excruciating!

Yeah, same here since hearing a story from someone who experienced it. There are some positions that are just off-limits now.

Wasn’t there another long thread on this many years ago? I know I have looked for it but have never found it since.

The second week into my new job my GF and I were getting frisky, and as she moved around on the bed she managed to knee me in the face, resulting in a handful of blood in my hand, and an end to friskiness for the night.

Best of all was trying to explain to my new coworkers why I had a huge fat lower lip with a chunk out of it without divulging in the real cause.

I’m sure there have been several threads of this nature over the years - just thought this week was time to start a new one :slight_smile:

Our honeymoon in Reno. We stayed at a place with a nice-sized in-room pool/grotto. We’re in the pool, naked, kissing and whatnot. I’m rubbing up against her. It feels really, really nice, as I’m rubbing my “self” against her leg. It feels REEEEEALLLY nice, so I keep rubbing. And rubbing. Eventually, I’m humping her leg like a fricking dog, until I finish. It must have looked ridiculous, and I love her because she didn’t burst out laughing.