I was dating a guy and his friends invited us to come down and vacation with them over the summer holiday. They were going a few days before us, we decided to wait until the weekend rather than taking off work. They rented a small cabin, we rented a camper in a different part of the park.
So we get down there and check in and call them. They are out tubing down the lake and won’t be back for a while - so we decided to go back to our camper and settle in.
The camper happens to be one of those pop-up kinds, with the ‘wings’ on either side that store a mattress to sleep on. We are crammed end to end with at least a dozen other campers & RVs, and outside kids are playing and riding bikes and all that. We got a little horny, though, and decided to get in a little nookie while we waited.
So we are going at it - trying to keep fairly quiet - and I roll on top of him. I reach up and grab the metal cross beam that holds the wing up and am using that to add momentum. We are both really in to it - and I can’t help but start to moan when - the beam slides out of the lock and the whole wing falls on top of us!
I can hear the kids outside riding and playing just stop and even through the thick canvas, I can feel them staring. I am laughing hysterically. My bf, however, is still on a mission, and is trying to frantically re-insert the camper pole so he can re-insert his pole. I couldn’t stop laughing but mission was accomplished.
It’s one of the funniest memories of sex I have.
How about you? What funny things have happened to you while having (or trying to have) sex?
Girlfriend’s parents were out of town and we decided to get a little adventurous and do it on their dining room table. Yep. Broke one of the table legs.
Another girlfriend: She had in a piece of gum and her mouth was gonna be a little…busy. SO she gave me the gum, which I started chewing. Some time later I was above her and offered to give her back the gum. I opened my mouth to let it fall into hers. It bounced off a tooth and into her long, beautiful hair. Killed the mood for a few minutes.
Honeymoon. Reno, NV. We rented a room at the very tacky Adventure Inn. Our room had a mini-sized swimming pool/grotto in the room. We’re in the pool, making out and whatnot. I’m rubbing against her leg, and it feels really nice. REALLY nice. So, like a dog, I literally humped her leg to climax. We laugh about it now.
Easter Sunday 1988. I’m at the apartment my girlfriend shares with her mom. After helping get things set up and going in the kitchen, she and I go back to her room to change clothes before the rest of her family shows up. She’s about halfway dressed, white garter belt, stockings and slip and my 19 YO self is just too impressed with the sight to let the opportunity slip past unattended to.
Cue a few minutes later. We’re on her bed in a position usually denoted by a two-digit number when her bedroom door pops open and her mom says, “How long until the potatoes are GET THAT COCK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH, YOUNG LADY. IT’S EASTER FOR SHIT’S SAKE!”
Many moons ago, my wife and I had just put the Horse Doovers in the oven and while we awaited the finished product began diddling around. Things were just getting serious, when her eyes got very wide and teary and she shouted “YOU ASSHOLE!” Complete astonishment was my response until I remebered that I was the one to place the jalapeno peppers on the nachos…:eek::eek::eek:
One afternoon my girlfriend and I were in bed, just getting warmed up, when the phone rang. I had no intention of picking up, but my girlfriend could never let a phone call go unanswered. Okay, okay, so I answered it. Turned out it was my ex, calling to tell me that she had just gotten engaged.
Unable to fend off inquires of “Who was it, tell me the truth!” I stupidly DID tell the truth. That put an end to the afternoon’s festivties.
When I was 18 or 19, three of my friends rented a house, and my girlfriend and I would often stay the night there. One time we couldn’t stay for some reason, but one of the guy’s girlfriends was staying the night with him, so she told us we could go back to her house and crash in her room. She lived alone with her mother, P, and GF & I knew P well enough that we knew she wouldn’t care. So off we went.
We got to the house, and all was dark, so we figured P was either asleep or not home. So we quietly went back to our designated room, and proceeded to get busy. A few minutes later, we’re in that two-digit-number position mentioned above, and the bedroom door flies open and P walks in talking about something or other. She had obviously assumed her daughter had come home.
Now, my GF was not the athletic type, so I must say I was impressed by the way she dismounted, twirled around in the air, and landed in the closet several feet away. It would have made any gymnast proud.
Fortunately for us, P didn’t have her glasses on, so didn’t really see anything. “Uh, more than one?” she asked. “Yeah,” I replied. “Ooooh, sorry!” as she backed out of the room.
I, of course, had no problem with getting right back to it - after all, P knew we were there now, it wasn’t like she was going to come back in. But the mood was gone for GF. :mad:
Third date. We hadn’t had sex yet, but things were heating up mighty fast. We had a picnic on the beach, and since the weather was a little chilly, the girl was thoughtful enough to bring a second blanket that we could sit under. Lie under, actually.
That turned out well, because there were other people on the beach, and a blanket is a dandy way to hide roaming hands.
At one point she was kissing down my neck, down my chest, down my stomach… Keep in mind that I was fully clothed. And she was fully under the blanket. Down to my belt, down to the front of my pants… where she lingered for quite a while.
She wasn’t really doing anything to me. But to any onlookers, she was slobbin’ the knob.
I’m a little surprised that we didn’t get arrested.
Honeymoon: It was July 2. Mrs. D and I are in a fancy hotel in San Diego, CA. Our room had a fireplace. She wanted to make love on the floor in front of the fireplace, but since it was California in July, it was way too hot to have the fireplace on, so we opened the window so we could keep cool. As we were doing what newlyweds normally do, we suddenly heard fireworks going off in the distance. We had a big laugh about it as it was the stereotypical “fireworks” during lovemaking.
Fast forward one year.
We were on a camping trip with a good friend of mine and his girlfriend. We had told them about the “fireworks” incident and had a good laugh about it. So Mrs. D and I were in our tent doing what married couples normally do when we suddenly hear a firecracker go off a few camping spots down from our site. Mrs. D and I can barely contain ourselves, we are doing everything to keep from laughing out loud, when my friend, from his tent, suddenly says, “Alright… what are you guys doing over there?” Mrs. D. and I couldn’t help it. We burst out laughing.
An ex-girlfriend and I were getting it on in my bedroom and apparently we were a little too noisy for the likes of my room mate, so he lit an entire pack of firecrackers and threw it in my tiny, little bedroom. With authority, i can inform you that 40-50 firecrackers going off within a few seconds in a room not much larger than an average bathroom are L O U D.
One that comes to mind for me was the morning after our wedding. We’re in our complimentary hotel room (the same hotel we had our wedding reception in the night before) doing what couples who have been married for less than 24 hours do when, in the middle of things, the phone rings. You’d think most people would know not to disturb newlyweds on their wedding night (well, technically not wedding night, but you get the picture) - it was her mom asking about the breakfast at the hotel we were to meet her at a little later in the morning. :rolleyes: My wife is talking to her trying to politely get her off the phone so that hse can continue her activities while all the while I’m still balls deep in her waiting for her to hang up. (Keep in mind also that we’d both lost our virginities to each other the afternoon before, thankfully my new bride had a sense of humour about the whole thing.)
Her mom had the knack for similarly-ill-timed phone calls in the 4 years she was alive after our wedding. I swear since her passing she’s somehow managed to pass that ability along to our children (ages 5 and 7) from beyond the grave - the kids’ rooms are far away from ours but if we wake up before them and have the urge to make love before the kids get up, invariably the kids will barge in in the middle of things to talk to us (usually when I’m at the point that I can’t stop). “Mommy and Daddy are hugging! Leave us alone!” Man, we have to get a lock for our bedroom door.
Similar story involving mother-in-law (but no barging in on sex, could have been though.) On the day of our wedding, my wife drove her mother to the reception, her mom wanted her bags kept in our aforementioned free hotel room “for safe keeping” - fair enough, we did. Halfway through the wedding reception, my wife notices her room key is missing. We discover that her mom has it.
“Mom, give me my key back.”
“No, I need it!”
It was funny seeing my wife, her bulky big brothers, and her husky young nephews all trying to force a hotel room key out of the hands of a frail 70 year old grandmother. The funniest exchange that occurred while they were trying to get the key was as follows:
MIL: “I’m not going to give you the key! You and dhkendall might do things in there!”
Me : [chuckle to self]
Darling wife: “Mom, I promise, we won’t do anything in there, just give me the key!”
Wife’s aunt: “Well, if you guys aren’t going to do anything in there, she might as well have the damn key!”
Ok, this didn’t happen to me - but one of my best friends, Mimi.
Her husband Moe was feeling frisky and he gets her up on the bed doggie style and is just going to town. Well, in the midst of the momentum, Mimi can’t help it - she farts. Not once, but a few times in a row. Moe isn’t having it though - he’s a man on a mission and there ain’t no stopping him now.
Not wanting to laugh at her husband during sex, Mimi decides to stifle her now uncontrollable giggles by mashing her own face in to the pillow. But she just keeps laughing and gasping. And Moe is the energizer bunny - he just keeps going and going.
Soon, Mimi has gasped and laughed so much that she starts coughing - so she lifts her head up from the pillow and she wheezes and coughs and
coughs out a pillow feather
and Moe just keeps going and going until he’s through.
And I know that story is true because of how much he protested while she was telling it to me on the phone less than 10 minutes later.
(Something I wanted to add to this paragraph, don’t have to really, but helll, I feel like it.)
Some days when we wake up and it’s getting kind of late, the kids are still sleeping but should be up by then. Wife: “We should get the kids up.” Me: "I know the best way to make sure the kids will wake up right away … " Bomp chicka wow-wow …
At 17, my GF and I were at my house after school. Against house rules.
Suddenly, my door flies open with me in mid-stroke. Mom & Dad decided to come home waaaay early. Bad times.
FF a few years, another GF and I are getting started. Her roomate is home, so we try to be quiet. She gets on top of me, bounces a couple of times and boom. I ripped a loud one, and we both just died laughing. The kind when you just keep going and going - you look at each other and it just won’t stop. Must have screamed and carried on for 20 minutes; we never did finish. Later, we found a note from the RM saying how rude we were.
Good times.
Not funny in the traditional way, but it was one of the funnest/funniest/most erotic times we ever had.
I turned her onto her side and started giving her big warm wet kisses on the side and back of her neck. Apparently no one had ever done that to her before, or at least not the way I was doing it to her. She found it hugely stimulating and ticklish at the same time. She was somewhere between moaning and laughing. It was like we had made a profound discovery. Her comment was “It’s like I have forty more cunts, and the mothership is jealous!”
After a late-night date, my date and I got back to my place feeling rather peckish, so we called for pizza. We figured it would be at least half an hour before the pizza showed up, so we decided we could squeeze in a little quickie (it was one of those can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other sort of relationships).
Guess it must have been a slow night over at the pizza place, because the delivery guy showed up in fifteen minutes, just as things passed the point of no return.
Og bless him, the guy was still standing outside five minutes later (after ringing the doorbell at least a half-dozen times), and he didn’t even blink when I opened the door wearing nothing but a bathrobe and epic bedroom hair.
Obviously, pizza guy got one hell of a tip for his troubles. :o
My ex-girlfriend and I had head about the cough-drop oral-sex trick… so I popped one in and was going to town on her furburger. Well, the drop got a little sticky and I got a little carried away and I wasn’t paying attention to the cough drop and it got stuck in her muff. It was all sticky and tangled in her hair. Well, by the time I noticed it, stopped what I was doing, pointed it out to her, figure out what to do… it had dried and the only way to get it out was cutting the hair. So she had a bald spot on her minge for a while.
My husband and I (well, he was my fiance at the time) experienced our share of gaseous emissions during sex (once, he burped into my lady parts while going at it…), but the most – er – memorable was what happened when we were living with our former roommate. Our apartment was small, and the two bedrooms were super close together. Our roommate was a gay man and there were times he’d bring men home and engage in, to put it indelicately, buttsex. My husband and I would usually have sex then to (somewhat) drown out the sounds (well, we couldn’t sleep with them doing that!). One night, my roommate was plowing some dude and all of a sudden we hear a very loud ripping sound, followed by laughing. A moment later, we smell a horrendous smell. Absolutely noxious.
We couldn’t continue anymore. We felt like we were going to be sick. But we could bang on the wall and complain about the stench. Our roommate never brought that guy back. (Then again, a lot of guys he brought home never came back. He was a bit of a man whore, to put it bluntly.
A number of times, my hubby and I (and our kids) have had occasion to spend the night at his parent’s house. He and I always get his ‘old room’, which only has a twin-size bed, and neither of us are small people; the bonus there is that sometimes we’ve had sex there without really meaning to. . .
Anyway, one time, we were going at it in his old room, spoon-position, and our then-youngest daughter, approx. age 6, opened our bedroom door. From her point of view, she could only see me, lying on my left side and moving. . .strangely. So she pipes up “Pop, why is Mommy wiggling?” Without missing a beat I said “Sweetheart, Pop is tickling me!”
Said daughter is 18 now, but damn, we still laugh about that!
Woody Allen was once quoted as saying “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing”. My hubby and I like to say “If you never laugh, you’re doing it wrong!”
The funniest exchange that occurred while they were trying to get the key was as follows:
