Mine is the time when I was up at a friend’s cottage with my then GF (now wife ). The place was full of various buddies, but I managed to score our own room, as one of only two “steady” couples - the place was packed with people, both boys and girls.
Well, we of course wanted to have sex, but the place was an old farmhouse with hardwood floors and zero insulation - so we tried to be as quiet as we could …
Little did we know that the furniture, including our bed, was as old as the house …
Anyway, we were going at it, with a rythmic creaking of that ancient bed … when, just at the final thrust, the bed collapsed with a mighty BANG!
Naturally, guffaws ensued - building to rib-busting laughter. Everyone knew exactly what we had been up to - and we were teased mercilessly for the whole weekend, and for long, long afterwards.
Not too embarassing but amusing anyhow: I was, ahem, busy with a young man who was relatively inexperienced in college and had rather bad allergy/ asthma, etc. problems. As we reached a, ahem, crescendo, he suddenly shot upright, staring at me with a look of horror on his face, “On my God oh my god oh my god are you ok?” “Huh? What?” Turns out he had had a sudden explosive nosebleed on my face and torso and when he saw the blood, not knowing where it came from, he thought he had maimed me somehow. . .
This didn’t happen to me [really, I know that’s a common line, but it happened to my friend Heather] but it’s quite hilarious. Keep in mind, by the way, that she told me once that she’s tasted her own poop, out of curiosity, and she kept her placenta in her freezer for a couple of years after her daughter was born.
So she told me this, laughing hysterically. Apparently she and her very-long-time boyfriend were having sex, and she thought she had to fart. [you can see this coming, can’t you] and she ended up having rather explosive diarrhea instead. She said she couldn’t stop laughing, and knowing her, I believe it.
For myself, I’m not sure what my most embarassing sex moment would be. There haven’t been very many embarassing moments… actually I can’t think of any.
After a night of bar-hopping, getting a blow job at 3:00 AM on a street corner in a seedy part of Frankfurt, Germany and having the police suddenly pull up and get a good view. They came over and were about to arrest us, but I pulled off a good job of not understanding German and apologized in English and then said that I just started working for the American Embassy (a total lie). I heard them mutter in German that it would be a waste of their time so they let us both go.
After they left, the German I was with (who knew I spoke German) congratulated me for my quick thinking and we went to a more private location for a repeat performance.
Oh my God, OpalCat! I know a story just like yours! Only it didn’t end happily.
My friend Jeremy was dating this girl (we’ll call her Kelly) and he really liked her. They’d been dating for almost a year, and he thought she might be The One. So of course he wanted to have sex with her. At first, she was very reluctant. She was about 24 at the time, and still a virgin, and she seemed kind of nervous and scared about the whole thing. Finally, one night at his apartment, he convinced her to sleep with him. So everything went really well, until she had her first-ever orgasm. She lost bowel control and crapped all over his bed. She was so freaked out and embarassed she locked herself in the bathroom and threatened to commit suicide. He finally talked her out and took her home. She refused to talk to him ever again- I guess she was just too mortified.
We heard the whole story about a week after the fact, and everytime a few of us get together with Jeremy, somebody brings it up. This used to make him really angry, actually, since he really did love this girl and couldn’t understand why she ended the relationship because of one unfortunate incident. But he’s over it now.
Strangely enough, I ran into Kelly a few months ago. She was working as a bank teller. She was really nice to me, but the whole time I couldn’t help thinking about “The Incident”, so I ended up stifling my laughter and getting out of the bank ASAP.
My… um… friend, yeah, my friend, was getting energetically busy with his girlfriend many years ago, when he felt a strange pulling sensation in his scrotum. He subtly put his hand down to check, to discover that his sack only had one ball. The other had done a sumo on him, and been pushed up inside his pelvis. His ‘timber’ was immediately ‘felled’ as he jumped off the bed and began shouting “Oh my God! I’ve lost a bollock!” and pawing gingerly at his nutsack. Thankfully, at that moment, he coughed, and a little miracle happened: the ball gently dropped back into its rightful place with no discomfort at all.
When I was going to university, I had to live at home for financial reasons. Same with my GF. Naturally, this lead to some creative ideas as to where to have sex.
One day, we went to the Toronto Islands for a picnic. Now, these islands are a series of parks - some open and well frequented; others, more remote and less frequented. We went to one of the more remote ones.
After our lunch, and sharing a bottle of wine, we started to make out - and seeing no-one around, began to get bolder. She was giving me some oral pleasure when a couple walked by on a path right beside us.
They were a couple of teens, clearly at the “holding hands” stage - and they could not miss us. They walked right by us, staring straight ahead, red with embarressment. We could not help it - we both started to giggle uncontrollably.
It was in a parked car – though not the way you might expect.
We had pulled up at a local beach. It was late, though someone had started a campfire. We didn’t care.
So as we were nearly finished, an ice cream truck pulled up behind us and rang its bell. About a dozen boy scouts came running up from the beach, right by the car, to get the ice cream.
Luckily, the windows were steamed up and they couldn’t see in. I thought it was funny, but she didn’t agree and soon broke up with me.
I was eighteen, and had “spent the night” at my boyfriend’s house for the first time. Nothing embarassing there (nothing spectacular either). The next morning, however…
He lived in the finished attic at his mom’s house. There was no door, other than the one at the bottom of the stairs. My boyfriend - being as dumb as he was - only had one condom, which we had used the night before, so we were involved in an alternate activity (a “titty f*ck” as they say). When his mom walked up the stairs - which put her, oh, five feet from the bed. We had never been introduced. Nice way to meet his mom, don’t you think?
When I was 17 I was with my b/f (who became husband, who is now EX~lol) He was moving out of town and he came by in his brothers car to say good bye. We ended up having sex in the front seat of the car. The security guard banged on the window (which were completely fogged up) and wanted to know what we were doing.
The second moment was about 4 years ago (with ex). We lived on a ranch of about 300 acres. We had our own house, and then there was another house that the owner of the ranch had. They never stayed there. Well, in order to have some alone time we went to the owners house and left my 12 year old son at home. It was not but maybe a football field away in distance.It was not late, but dark. My ex and I got on the hammock, it was the type held by the metal frame. I was on top… completely naked and the next thing we knew our son was walking up to-wards the house. My ex threw me off of him onto the ground and fixed his shorts. I am not really sure my son saw anything… I am sure not gonna ask him!
You top me, but I do have something similar in that vein.
We’d been dating only a few times, but we had hit it off very well. One Saturday, she wanted to spend the night with me, so I picked her up. Her mother was there, and I said, “hello,” thinking, “great that she’s cool with this.”
The next morning, I get a call from my boss. Her mother called at work, frantic that her daughter hadn’t come home (or told her she wouldn’t be home). My boss said I should call the mother, so I handed the phone to my date.
It was not a good way to start things out with your future mother-in-law. Luckly, she took it in stride, and after a few awkward meetings, we got along well.
I have one that absolutely mortified me, but thankfully my boyfriend just laughed it off.
We had been drinking, and I was going down on him. I attempted to deep throat, and OMG! I puked (just a little!) right on his belly! :eek:
Another time, with another boyfriend, we both lived with our parents. We were going at it in the back of my Gremlin (let’s see you try that!) on a dead end street. Flashlights blinding, hard knocking, “come out of there!”- by the Houston po-leece…
I’ve got a couple. Back in high school, I was dating a girl who babysat for the grandparents of my best friend (guy). She put the kids to bed, then we started getting busy on the grandparents’ bed. Everything was off but both of our shirts, I mean socks and shoes included. Of course the door opened, they had come home a little early. About 10 feet from the front door was the open door to the room we were in. Luckily it took them a minute to get their coats off, we were frantically getting dressed but a shoe of mine had been knocked under their bed. I had to leave without it and had an awkward moment when the old folks realized we were both walking out of their room. Then I had to stick around for about a half an hour making small talk until finally the grandparents went into the kitchen and I could get my sock back.
Also, with the same girl, we parked out at a make-out place everybody called “Grassy Hill”, it was pretty far out of town in the middle of nowhere, but was a place where you could 4 wheel drive if you had a truck. Well I was “at it” with her in my old '68 Malibu when a big lifted Ford truck came along. The guys in it looked down at us, saw my white ass up in the air, and proceeded to do several donuts around our car.
I can’t believe I am going to tell this. But what the heck. Since you don’t know me and I don’t have to face you everyday, I guess it will be okay.
My hubby and I had went out to eat one evening. Dinner consisted of beer and buffalo wings. Now hubby can’t just get hot wings. He has to get the ones that make you wipe the sweat off your brow. Wings are great, but they are messy.
Dinner ended and we head home to top off the night with a little bit of fun. Hubby decides to perform a little oral sex. About 20 seconds into it I am feeling a little warm down there. At about 30 seconds I ask him if he is using the cinnamon lotion potion. He says no. At that point I am on fire, and I put 2+2 together folks.:smack: So I do what any sane person would do at this point. I run for the shower.
You may as well have doused me with pepper spray. It ruined the whole mood. Something about an ice pack between my legs just didn’t turn him on. Not that I was in the mood after that anyway. He felt bad, but not so bad that he doesn’t laugh about it to this day.
Disclaimer: Those wet naps aren’t just for wiping the fingers.
Back in highschool I dated a girl steadily for a few years. She was 5 feet tall, a cheerleader, and a gynast. I tell you this because we used to have sex regulary in the backseat of my '79 Camaro- no easy feat.
As usual, it was hard to find places to park. One day, we were driving along and she decided to perform orally on me (this girl contantly wanted sex). I told her to hold on and turned into a contruction area where a mall was being built. The entire area was leveled, hard-packed dirt. I saw a row of HUGE earth movers (30-40 feet tall ones) and pulled my car in between two of them. There were 6 or 8 of them total.
So we go at it. To this day I’m amazed at the things this girl could do in a small area. After we got finished I’m sitting there with my pants down to my knees in the back seat laying back in bliss. She is laying against the back of the front seats facing me (which are pushed forward against the steering wheel/dash), completely naked and in the splits as each foot it pressed against the sides. She looks up through the sunroof…and sees 4 men looking down, and smiling, from the Earth mover. As we are scrambling to get dressed and into the fron seat (again…not easy) the ground starts rumbling as the two machine on either side start-up and start driving off.
Embrassed, we get into the fron seat and hit the road as fast as we could. My girlfriend thought it was funny as hell.
She was quite a package…too bad she needed more sex than any one man could provide…
This one will take a bit of imagination as it involves floor-plans and the motion of light …
The setting: I lived in a house with 5 other people, in a bedroom off the kitchen. There was a window coming down from the ceiling, so from the kitchen/living room you could see the ceiling of my bedroom. My bed was on a platform about 4’ down from the ceiling.
The situation: I had recently begun a relationship with a roommate, which we were trying to hide from the other roommates. After a particularly fun evening (with a few roommates) me and my partner retired to my bedroom, for a bit of action. We thought we were being subtle until the next morning, everyone knew what we had been up to. The reason:
the light had been on beside my bed-on-a-platform, projecting ‘shadow-puppet’ type images on the ceiling, which were visible from the living room.
). The place was full of various buddies, but I managed to score our own room, as one of only two “steady” couples - the place was packed with people, both boys and girls.
