Funny things said during love making/intimate moments...

Dont know how popular this thread will be, but I will start with my own discription. If this is too graphic I am sorry, I will try not to make it that way.

I was making love to a woman, my GF of a long time, and I was just starting to get to the edge, when she said, and I kid you not, “you’re my home, come into me.” I just sort of stopped for a few second and looked at her. Then the corner of my mouth began to twitch no matter how much I willed it not to. Finally I BURST out laughing and had to collapse next to her until my fits of laughter finally subsided. I laughed and found it humorous… but I felt bad because, well, it made her cry that I was laughing, I tried to explain it to her but she didnt see the humor. To this day it still makes me smile whenever I think of it. I mean COME ON! Thats funny stuff, or am I just a clod? :slight_smile:

Does anyone else have any “tender moments gone wrong” stories? :slight_smile:

Hmm… one time I was drunk and with this girl, and we were, um, really no delicate way to put this, doing it doggy style, I slipped out, and, erm, air was released. She was so embarrassed, and I was laughing my ass off. Childish, I know. But it was damn funny to me at the time.


One time when making love to a new girlfriend (our first time sharing biblical knowledge) she looked at me oddly (tho happily) and said “Yeah, gotta do this again.”

It was oddly said with an odd look and actually DURING the act.

I guess you had to be there…

LOL Thats pretty funny homer!

BTW I need to correct a typo… it was “I’M your home, come into me” …not You’re…

HAH! dpr, that would freak me out. I’d be like, “what am I doing wrong THIS time” :slight_smile:

“Do you have the right hole?”

What? You can’t tell?

Once I was making love with one of my Exes…no, we were boning, I mean going at it fiercely…

Just as the moment of climax came, I said the oh, so cliche “I’m gonna come!!!”, My girlfirend, dazed and confused as she was, responded “I love you too!!”

THankfully, I was able to do the deed without bursting into spasms of laughter, but when we were through, I was ROTFLMAO…



I was with my wife…

Let me explain. I’ve inherited a hip problem, in which my hip will pop out of joint when bent at certain random angles normally available to reasonably flexable humans. It can be extremely painful, but easy to correct if you can move your hip and leg into a straight line.

I was just about to reach one of the highpoints of the nights adventures (making love to my wife is always an adventure, great thrill ride) when… pop. That’s right, just at the exact moment we hit the sweet spot, my hip takes a journey into the twilight zone. Meaning, with that final thrust, I have to really pound it home to get my leg into a nonpainful line quick. My loving wife is bent into a new position, and her husband is coming and cussing like hell, at the same time.

We didn’t stop laughing for hours. Made for a wonderful night.

(PS: I love making up new ways to describe this without being too graphic.)

How about in the middle of the act singing :
*Oh Sheri, I’m in love
holds on
holds on . . . *

Yeah, a freak “Journey” attack.

The bad thing was - her name was Christi.

Ummmm, life goes on and such . . .


My funny moment was before the actual deed, but it still counts…

My girlfriend and I were still in the foreplay part of the night. I had already gotten all her clothes onto the floor and was in the middle of a long, full-body massage with oils and everything. I was sitting on the back of her legs and massaging her back. She had made the comment that I was making her feel very relaxed. About 5 minutes after that, while aparently feeling a little too relaxed, she let out one of the loudest farts I have ever heard. I mean, I have never heard a girl blow ass like that. I thought it was gonna wake up my roomate!! I could not stop laughing. I appologized afterwards, but the damage was done. I got no lovin that night.

I still smile when I think about it.


I think I just wet myself laughing.


Officially the funniest fuckin’ thread I have read in a long ass time.

Thanks, guys, I needed that.

Glad I am not the only one that thought it was funny. Some people have said that it was just rude of me and that I should have waited till later to laugh. I say to them: While I do not possess the Vulcan Mental Discipline you refer to, I would have laughed anyway.

I am glad to hear others find it a humorous event.


DAYIUZ, That’s truly a classic man.

I had an experience like that once. I was getting a little fellatio, post sex, and I was truly relaxed…well, I blasted one in this girlfriend’s face.

She cried, and carried on, and I laughed the whole time. If she had ripped a little ass like that in front of me, I would have laughed all night long. :smiley:


Once my husband came home with some flavored condoms that he’d picked up in a men’s room somewhere. The first one we tried was mint, and it tasted okay, but we just couldn’t get into using it during oral sex, so we decided to switch to intercourse (with it still on.) He, um, penetrated me, and next thing I know, I’m on FIRE and not in a good way. So, I’m screaming, Eek get it out of me, get it out of me, and the poor guy is confused and asks “Did I put it in the wrong hole?” I had to push him off of me, and run screaming to the shower, it was at least a half hour before it cooled down.

Another hint, semi related, do not use Dr. Bronner’s peppermint soap on any of your pink parts! Unless, of course, you’re into that kind of thing…

My best friend and I were dating two roomates years ago. We were hanging out after watching a movie and they (friend and his GF) started kissing and carrying on, so they excused themselves into the bedroom. A little while later we heard the bed knocking up against the wall and moaning and groaning. The moaning and groaning started to get a little out of hand it seemed, and my GF and I were starting to giggle a little when all of a sudden my friend SCREAMS “Uh,ooooohhh, AAHHHHHHhhh-THOMAS!!!” (MY name :stuck_out_tongue: ). My GF and I fall over laughing while we hear his GF SCREAMING at him! Next thing we see is my friend running out of the bedroom laughing with a towel wrapped around his waist, ducking while a book comes cruising towards his head! The “I was just kidding honey!” didn’t seem to work on her- she was PISSED!

We couldn’t move we were laughing so hard…

Or have any of you ever had to extract a condom from inside because it slipped off? Hard to do with a straight face! :slight_smile:

Tomcat: that was some funny shit!

“Ooooooh, THOMAS!” Holy shit!