I’m starting this thread partly to hear your stories, and partly to get some pity for my own.
My ex-GF didn’t like Martha Stewart. She worshipped her. Anything MS said was Gospel fron On High.
In one issue of Living, MS mentioned a new breed of roses that were brown in color. Not just on the tips, but all over. They were supposed to be the New Thing in floristry.
A few years later, GF decided she wanted some. A dozen. For her birthday. And she made it clear that if I didn’t get them for her, our bed would get very chilly. I should have said “Good, stop pestering me for sex. Move the fuck out while you’re at it.” But I didn’t. I went on the quest for the elusive brown rose. I went to at least five different florists, and not one had ever heard of such a thing. As it turns out, there is no such thing as far as I can tell. But I did my best. I brought home a bunch of roses with brownish features, but never the nonexistant all-brown types.
Apparently this was my fault. I wasn’t trying hard enough. Or I was lying.
Oh, and GF wanted the flowers same-day fresh. On her birthday. Which was on February 14th. She figured that the cost to me on that day would be around $300. For something that would die in a week.
I was given a stay of execution because a week before, she’d gotten a job at a florist, and had to sort through approximately 3289506 roses. She never wanted to see another flower again.
Sheesh! Glad to see she’s now your ex. What a bitch!
I’ve always appreciated any gift I’ve been given. Sometimes, I will make hints, or flat-out tell Hubby what I would like to have for my birthday, or Christmas, but I can not imagine demanding that he get me a certain gift and threatening consequences if he did not.
My step-father is kind of bad at giving gifts, in my mother’s opinion, but for some reason, won’t help guide him toward what she wants. She sort of expects him to know, and then gets angry at him if he didn’t read her mind.
Three years ago, for Valentine’s day, he gave her a pair of insulated rubber boots, because she had complained about her feet getting cold when she went out to get wood from the pile. I held the secret opinion that the gift, while not romantic, showed consideration-- he had listened to her and got her what he thought she needed. She was outraged.
He goofed again at Christmas, when he gave her a new washer and dryer because she hated the ones she had. I thought it was a fine gift, and Hubby voiced an opinion similar to mine. I nudged him and shook my head. No use trying to convince my mother otherwise. She was utterly indignant, and went out and bought herself a present to supplement it.
To be fair, she was only like that once. She was normally pretty nice, if not sane.
OK, twice. She “asked” for pearl earrings for Christmas. And they had to come from Tiffany. If they didn’t come in the baby blue box, she’d consider that proof that I didn’t love her.
Everybody says I’m lousy to get a gift for. And they are right.
Really, I appreciate the effort. But I have such defined (albeit cheap) taste, that nine out of ten presents just hurt my eyes.
Yes, thank you for that statue. But all you’re giving me is one more task on my to-do-list; getting the ugly thing out to the Salvation Army. So I’m sorry if my: “you really shouldn’t have” sounds a bit too much like I mean it.
And thank you for that lamp. Yes, I’ve noticed it has cartoon characters on it. But really: I try to keep my house nice and empty. I have lots of things that remind me of the people I like and love, but let me do the choosing by what stuff I want to remember you by, okay? I’d rather remember you by somthing nice you wrote me, or a nice picture, or a shared memory. Not by a Mickey-Mouse lamp. And you know what? All that lamps says to me is “You thought taht I, your friend, knew you? Think again, stranger!”.
So, I have trained everybody not to give me gifts anymore. And that suits me just fine, so I’m not like the GF from the OP. Yet, part of me still longs to be surprised by a gift that is just right. But the risk of disappointment is just too big. Better to buy me my own gifts…
Lissa, sounds like your stepfather is good at selecting gifts but bad at timing. I too would have been incensed at getting boots for Valentine’s Day–better to get nothing. And washer + dryer does not = gift for me, it’s for the household, unless maybe I am the laundress?
But I, too, am an unreasonable person to buy gifts for. I am usually disappointed. I would rather just get it myself. Case in point: I needed a new fountain pen because I had lost mine. I always lose them. I look for about a $25-30 pen because I am going to lose it, and I look for a certain heft, but I don’t want anything with too big a barrel and not too small, either. So my husband says no, don’t get a new one (can I take a hint?) and he gets me one that is beautiful, but useless. Why? Because (a) it is slippery and too fat for me to write with, and (b) it was so expensive that I know if I do anything other than put it in a showy place on my desk, I will lose it. That is, I cannot put it in my purse, or my pocket, or attach it to a notebook’s ring–because when I do that I lose the pen, and I can’t lose this one. Therefore I can’t use it. Therefore I still need a new pen.
Oh, but it was a nice gift. I guess. Like Maastricht I have tried to train people just not to get me anything, but it’s hard because I do thank people who give me stuff and pretend that I just love it. But that only leads to more of the same.
Uh. When one asks for something (IMHO), it’s not a gift. It’s a demand, especially when presented with an ultimatum. Sounds like you’re better off without her, non?
No doubt I am, but I feel a little guilty admitting that. A few years after we broke up, she died. And I must point out that overall, she was a nice girl. Just a little odd around the edges.
I dated her for 3 years. For the 2 years before that, I dated someone far worse. She somehow figured that the world owed her a free ride. I once bought myself a tropical fish tank, and she got mad because I didn’t spend that money on her.
But the oddest thing was when we had a discussion about why our sex life was so meager. Meaning that I wanted to negotiate for more. What we ended up negotiating was that we weren’t to have sex more often, but that I was to bring her an inexpensive gift every week, representing where I was going to take her out.
I still have no idea how that happened. Remind me not to become a stock trader.
My GF just told me she won the drawing for the Vienna New Year’s Concert. That is, she won the chance to buy tickets, for 680 euro ($830) each. Of course it also implies international flights and decent hotels at holiday rates.
Though she’s only suggesting, not demanding, and she always insists on splitting the cost so it won’t exactly be a gift. And I’m sure I would enjoy it too. But even then, it would be an expensive trip.
I had a friend who got so mad at her boyfriend on Valentine’s Day that they ended up having a huge fight and he went home. His transgression? Instead of buying her flowers and dinner like she wanted, he had bought her a beautiful diamond-chip ring. :rolleyes:
But why was it so hard for him just to get her what she wanted? I bet the ring cost more then her wish of dinner and flowers. What is more important; him showing her he has a mind of his own or him doing her the favour she wanted?
By the way, have you guys seen this thread,about women preferring a cleaned house to romantic presents?
That’s a very good question. I think he might have done something different had she actually told him what she expected, rather than expecting hi to magically know what she wanted.
To get mad about it is the stupid thing. Why not appreciate the gift, the effort in getting it and the thought behind it. Some people have an over-developed sense of entitlement. If you want something so bad and you want it just so, then get it your damn self instead of getting upset at others for your own feelings of inadequacy. A gift is a voluntary expression of kindness and love, not an obligation.
One point I’m working on these days (out of many) is that if I buy something for a woman – be it a drink at a bar, or fancy jewelry, or anything in between – and I do so for any reason other than genuine kindness and love, then I’m not being honest with myself or with her.
I had typed up a longer post of my recent experiences, then I realized on preview that it was a confessional that belongs on a different message board. The point is, if someone demands a gift (payment, bribe, fee, whatever) as the price of a voluntary relationship, the relationship is probably not worth further effort.
