Just remembered one: a few years ago my brother worked in a computer resource centre in London - the kind of place where you could go if you were a small business with no computer resources, in order to pick up email, use the fax machine, etc. They also provided computer lessons for kids.
I was once hanging out there, when this huge guy came in with his ten-year-old son. He was wearing a sheepskin jacket, had a broken nose, huge sovereign rings on most fingers. He looked like something out of Lock Stock…, or Ray Winston in Sexy Beast, and had parked his huge Jaguar outside on the double-yellow lines.
“You do computers for nippers?” he asked in a gruff Cockney voice.
“Uh… yes, we do teach classes for children,” replied my brother.
“Right. Good. See, what it is, is, I’ve got to go off on some business for a couple hour. You take my boy 'ere, learn him them computers, and I’ll come back and pick him up later.”
“Well usually we like to schedule our appointments so we can have the appropriate-”
“No need for that, mate.”
“I suppose we could fit him in. The charge is £25 per hour.”
“A pony?! For a bleedin’ hour? Look, I’ll give you ten quid and not a penny more.”
“I’m sorry sir, but I have to charge-”
“All right all right. Tell you what. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” And he leered and tapped his scarred finger against his broken nose, with a wink. “Take the boy for a little while, and I can make it worth your while. Know what I mean?”
“I’m sorry, we can really only take money.”
“Really.” he said steadily, with a hint of menace, fixing my brother in the eye. “Right then. Come on son, let’s find somewhere else a bit more… ‘flexible’, shall we?”
And off they fucked.
I have no idea what on earth he was up to. Or why on earth a little bureau in Kensington would be his destination. In our minds he was desperately looking for someone to babysit his son while he pulled a bank heist, though the true explanation was probably more prosaic.
It did amuse me that a very simple and mundane transaction could be couched in such menace and with such wide boy wheeling and dealing. I suspect his entire life was lived on such terms.