I got tired of shaving my face every day, takes forever, so I switched to using a propane torch. HOWEVER you need to be careful and keep the bright blue part of the flame away from your nostrils.
And speaking of nostrils, do not try to depilate your nose by spraying starting fluid up there and sparking them with a Bic lighter.
And remember: even though they may sound delicious, urinal cakes shouldn’t be eaten.
…because they will leave you brittle and lifeless.
♬ He never shaved the whiskers from off his horny hide
But he’d pound them in with a hammer, then bite them off inside ♬
Your teeth are basically like tiles, right? And Comet is a tile cleaner. I was at Walmart and I saw I can buy Comet for less than half of what I pay for Crest.
Dremmel Tool for home dentistry. Save big money!
No joke, but I knew a guy who claimed to use polishing abrasive to clean his teeth.
When I’m hard of hearing
and I need a little thrill
I gently clean my ears
with an air drive hammer drill.
“I would like to buy a gerbil…”
“Um, I don’t know, Mr. Gere …”
“Strictly for medicinal purposes, of course.”
“Alrighty, then!”
Thank you all for your comments. These seem like tips anyone can use as they jaunt down Dysmorphia Blvd.
I woke up this morning with an eyelash on my eyeball. The dust-buster made quick work of that. Bonus - I now have a monocular view of my feet without looking down!
I think by now everyone knows you’re supposed to crush them and use to brush your teeth.
Isn’t that called the “Donald Trump Method”?
There is an explicit warning against that in the user’s manual. What someone must have done that one time…
Although, the pedicure place uses a Dremel for those callousy areas.
I love that link so much that the next time my aunt posts a terrifying clickbait headline on Facebook, one that just DEMANDS a good snopes-ing, that’s going up there.
Of course, being the upright citizen that I am, I will also post the one that actually debunks the clickbait.
I was rummaging through the subbasement for items to sell at last weekend’s yard sale when I chanced upon the the Victorian cast iron fireplace tongs I had used to remove my tonsils… well, tonsils/tongue… what am I, an Otolaryngologist?
Mithtaketh happen.
Fetched $16.00 from lovely lesbian couple opening a B and B in upstate Kansas.
Your tongue did? Must have been Jagger-like.
You can’t get a tan from the radiant heat of a toaster oven, no matter how long you leave your arm there covered in baby oil.
You’ll be wanting to bypass the safety features of a microwave oven if you want that “All Over, Inside And Out” tan that is so fashionable these days.
Neutralize your stomach acid by eating sodium hydroxide.
© femmejean (ret.)
Where do they live? I need to borrow it for my uvula.