[QUOTE=Linty Fresh]
Why is this bullshit? What business is it of yours what she weighs? What possible good do you think it could do to tell her she’s fat and that you’re not attracted to her anymore?
Do you think she doesn’t know about her weight problem? Out of all the thousands of women I have run into and talked with and fought with and what have you, and in conversations with guy friends about the thousands of women they’ve run into, I have yet to meet or hear about any woman who wasn’t aware about a weight problem. That’s not to say they didn’t let themselves go, but still, you can probably rest assured that they are aware of their thighs without you rubbing it in.
And anyway, isn’t there a saying out there somewhere about a mote and a beam and eyeballs? Are you an Adonis? Do you make total strangers clasp their heads and swoon with excitement? Even if they happen to be straight guys? Can a girl scrub her laundry on your abs? Maybe you should lead by example instead of criticizing you SO.
Someone mentioned health concerns earlier. OK, if you’re worried about her health, then that’s a valid concern to bring to her. Just don’t mention the weight. If she’s really that bad, she’s going to have other problems like high blood pressure and/or a tendency toward diabetes. Just say something like, “Honey, I’m worried about your blood pressure, and I think we should make an effort to exercise and watch what we eat” (Notice the word “we”? If she’s in it for the long haul, then so are you, sport!).
One more thing: Any guy who would end a relationship with a spouse he’s promised to stick with through better or for worse should probably ignore my advice above and just go ahead and get out of it. She probably deserves better.
[/QUOTE]
Being defensive about a weight issue doesn’t resolve anything, it just adds fuel to the fire. If the wife actually loses the weight ON HER TERMS, she ultimately benefits from it more than the husband does. She will become more healthy, less susceptible to long term illness/disease, more attractive to her husband (or somebody else if she chooses to dump him), more confidence, more energy to give towards her kids, less stress, etc…these reasons alone should be good enough to do it with or without the husband’s input, whether he gave it tactfully or inappropriately OR NOT AT ALL. Just because he might not have mentioned anything about weight doesn’t mean he’s ok with it. He may not know how to communicate it without an impending shitstorm.
How could he have been more tactful? Use the sandwich method: two positive comments (the bread) with the meat being constructive criticism.
“Honey, you look wonderful in that dress; have you lost some weight? It has gotten me to think about ourselves because I have been worried about our health and we seem to have less energy to get through our day. Maybe we can do evening walks or jog together or go to the gym. I need you to be healthy, and I want to be healthy for you and the kids as well. To me, you are the most beautiful women in the world and I want to love and cherish you for as long as we draw air…the longer the better.”
She will see that you are commenting on the issue of weight and he also would make it a team effort instead of personalizing it. It wouldn’t hurt for him to get the same benefits of losing weight or maintaining a level of fitness.
Infidelity is not just having an affair. It can be destructive habits that harm the relationship as well; not just exclusive to affairs, alcoholism, addiction and abuse. “Letting yourself go” is considered as one of them, so YES, it is a concern of the husband if the wife is letting herself go, and vice-versa. I have “let myself go” over the years…from 240 pounds when I married in 1986, up to 310 in 2005. My wife never made any mention of my gain throughout those years, even when she unilaterally jogged and dieted over the years…but I wish she did. Instead, along with my controlling behavior and other acts of stupidity, she became involved with someone else. Communication over the years would have lessened or even prevented what happened, but sometimes it takes some major event (my step-brothers death from a heart attack plus the discovery of the affair in 2005) to change my list of priorities. I took it upon myself to loose the pounds, not for her, but for myself…because I would need the health and energy to refocus on my wife and family. It was instrumental to aid my ability to solve many issues we had. I am currently back to my marrying weight (around 240-245), and getting back on track (post-holiday re-commitment) to shoot for 210.
So, in a nutshell, losing weight to maintain a level of fitness is a concern for each partner in a relationship. It is each other’s business because it aids in creating/maintaining fidelity in the relationship by being there for each other physically, instead of being an early widow or widower.