Sheltering 100% Alone, Part Deux: The Sequel

The Quarantine Zone
1

Here’s the first thread, which I started approx 172 years ago on April 6.

Wanting to hear again from people who are without ANY human companionship in their cell bubble. Pets yes. But no adults, teens, children (including babies), partners, lovers, friends, spouses, roommates, lodgers. All alone 24/7.

And especially (but not exclusively) if you are retired or otherwise not working. IOW you have no regular, spontaneous, unscheduled contact with other human beings.

Okay. I’m an introvert and I’m fine with spending lots of time alone, but this is ridiculous!

How are y’all coping? Phone calls (with those “awkward silences”-- see my post in the August Rants thread), Zoom get-togethers, outdoor/distanced meals, walking with others? How you are handling no in-person activities and nobody in your house ever to talk to, to see/touch you, to share a meal or conversation?

I’m going bonkers over here. But I also want to keep my chances of catching this as close to zero as I can, so I’m very compliant with protocols. Yes, I know about “risk assessment,” and I have gone to doc appointments in person, haircut, and pedicure. I’ve been invited over by one family-- my friend says “we’re all healthy here!”–but her husband had a lung transplant a couple of years ago, so maybe I’m not healthy enough. I haven’t been tested.

Or maybe this is you-- deliriously happy to be released from the obligation to ever see anyone in person?

[Album] imgur.com
2

A group of friends and I have been using the Marco Polo app, and it’s been pretty great. Essentially, you can leave video messages for each other. Sometimes it’s an almost live conversation, sometimes it’s just a quick check in, but it’s really helped offset the daily chit chat from the office and other pre-pandemic activities. I’m an introvert too, so between that and twitter/instagram and texting with friends and family I’m not suffering too much.

3

This couldn’t have been more timely, ThelmaLou. I was just thinking how sick I am of being alone. If I had a soccer ball, I’d be calling it Wilson.

I come from a very tight-knit family, and my siblings and I are in touch frequently. I also get plenty of texts and some calls from friends. Oh, and then there are doctor’s appointments. I’d gladly forgo those, but there’s no denying they’re human contact.

And the Dope! I do get a sense of community here–a sprawling, brawling community, but a community nonetheless.

5

I live alone. I do work from home and have (non work related) text chats with coworkers fairly regularly in addition to work related meetings.
Pre COVID I had a weekly board game night and monthly board game days. I now play board games online with some of these folks weekly (with voice chat). I also play monthly with some college friends (we meet annually* ) once a month.
I have done two in person group paddles. Once in a loop and once with a bicycle shuttle (drop off bike, drive upstream, paddle downstream, bike back to car, drive to take out point and load boat)
We wear masks on land and keep the group fairly small.
I did go to my sister’s vacation house (used to be my Moms full time house) and spent time with my sisters – that has been my only in person indoor event.

Brian

6

I live alone and petless, although I do have daily video conferences with my co-workers. My company is about 150 people and used to have a lot of social events. They’ve been doing what they can to keep eveyone engaged; on-line socials, trivia contests, and the like. I’ve been to the office a few times and seen some familiar faces. I’ve seen one friend a couple times and have plans to meet with another (both of whom I met here, as it happens). I’ve been trying to expand my cooking skills, even tried making bread. I grew my beard for four months until it got too annoying, so I’ve trimmed it back to a Hercule Poirot 'stache.

My social life was unhappy even before the pandemic. The first few months were awful, but things have opened up just a little bit. I think I’ve reached a new equilibrium; lonely, but used to it.

7

Retired and living alone since September, when the friend who was living with me retired and moved in with her daughter. I occasionally chat with neighbors (following social distancing, of course) if I happen to see them when I go out to check the mail, etc. I go shopping occasionally, using public transit and the local EZRider service, but other than that I don’t go out. But then, I pretty much stayed home before Covid-19, so not much change.

During the past few months my friend has come over a few times, either to provide medical transportation or just to get out herself. So I haven’t started going stir crazy yet. I do need to get a haircut, but haven’t found a convenient place to do so yet.

8

I’m not sure I’m part of this group right now, because I’ve been doing farmers’ markets; so have a good deal of interaction one day a week and some on a second when I only drop off produce, although all of it is masked and I try (usually successfully) to keep distance except while actually handing somebody produce and taking their money, and some distance even then.

During market season that’s usually most of my social time anyway.

9

Yes, you are part of the group if when you get home there are no other human beings there.

10

Nope; just the cats. Though the cats are not “just”, she says, trying with some success to get a bit more food into the Old Cat in the hope that she’ll keep going a little longer.

But much of the time that was true before covid-19; though it’s true that even at times when nobody else is living here I wouldn’t ordinarily have gone over five months with nobody but me coming into the house except for one repairman on one day.

11

That’s me, too. I did not have a bustling social life before lockdown. I had some activities, notably two choirs. A book club that now meets on zoom. Lunch with friends. I got the cursory, friendly, A-frame hugs (cheeks touch, sometimes shoulders). I didn’t have anyone who just came over and hung out. No kissing or cuddling or hand-holding. I had one male (non-romantic) friend with whom I could have long, deep, and rewarding conversation, but he died in two years ago. So I was already starved for physical contact. But this situation has taken those starvation rations and cut them down to nothing.

12

Ah. I did have people who came over, and/or whose houses I went to, with whom I was on genuine hugging terms; I didn’t see them often, but I did see them occasionally; and I had a weekly game night with a friend which has turned into a weekly phone call, and a number of in-person meetings that now get skipped or done by zoom.

But both now and pre-covid I got a lot of my physical contact needs from the cats. That doesn’t work for everybody; but it does for me. I’d be in serious trouble, I think, if not for the cats; and I’ve got considerable sympathy for you and others who either have no commensals or don’t find that physical contact with them satisfies the need.

ETA: a lot of the conversational need winds up going into this message board. In person would be better; but this form has its advantages.

13

That is a new word for me!

Commensal : 1. Living in a relationship in which one organism derives food or other benefits from another organism without hurting or helping it. Commensal bacteria are part of the normal flora in the mouth.

That phrase is interesting- “without hurting or helping it.” I hope people’s commensals are more than that.

Are you a biologist?

I do have two cats. One seeks me out for cuddling every night. The other one crawls up on me in bed and also rubs up against my legs and paws me…um…when I’m on the throne. :woozy_face: I have a dog, too, but she’s never been a cuddler. But she is a Sweetie-- that’s her name.

14

No; and I’ve apparently got the wrong definition. Symbiote maybe? But I’ve seen people use commensal as somewhat more equal than “pet” – the word “pet” sounds to me as if the relationship’s all one way.

15

I had a pretty good social life and was preparing to ramp it up on my retirement at the end of January. Then my mother died in February and then covid happened and everything I had been so looking forward to came to a screeching halt.

I spent the first months cleaning out my mother’s house and then a few more months getting it sold. That finally happened a few weeks ago. For all the pain in the ass that was, at least it was something to do. When I closed her bank accounts last week, I checked off the last thing on that to-do list. And was faced with “so now what?”.

I started having yard visits with my niece and some friends a month ago. We wear masks and sit at least 6 feet apart. It’s just been one-on-one so far but I think I’m comfortable with having two friends over and am planning that for next week for my best friend’s birthday.

Otherwise, except for my Kroger pickups, I just stay home. The two cats have gotten very clingy since this all started and love to curl up next to me when I’m on the couch. I’m resigned to the fact that this is life until there is a vaccine. I rarely feel the despair I did late at night in the first few months. I read a lot, watch TV and spend probably too much time online. But it keeps my mind occupied. I had my bushes trimmed last week and will have the trees cleared out and trimmed soon. Then I guess I will settle down for fall and the absolute shitshow I expect on November 3. I’m preparing to not leave the house for weeks at that point.

16

Me too to all three, though my kittens (one born 7/4 and the other 7/19) will finally be old enough to bring home in mid-to-late September. I guess technically I do have pets right now, but they’re tropical fish and their interest in me lasts for about 2 minutes each morning and 2 minutes each evening when I feed them.

My team at work has a Zoom call nearly every morning at 9am. It makes me sad when we either cancel or I in particular miss a day. We also do Zoom lunch calls with the same group of people who’d eat lunch together if we were back in the office. I’m so tired of not seeing people in person, though. I’m actually friends with several coworkers, and we used to do things after work and on occasional weekends for real, you know? Movies, shopping, mini-golf, all stuff that’s not super wise to do now. sigh.

One thing I’ve been doing for three months, maybe? Is on Saturday nights my best friend and I use Netflix Party to watch The Great British Baking show. It’s definitely a far cry from hanging out, but it’s a hell of a lot better than nothing. We’re finally going to see each other for the first time since March on Sunday when we see our favorite band’s drive-in concert. I miss her very much too.

I’m very much ready for all of this crap to be over with, though I fear we’re on the cusp of it getting significantly worse. My dad, who I lived with and took care of, died 11 months ago. I tried to socialize as much as I could late last fall and early into the winter, but then I injured my knee badly in January and had trouble getting around until I’d done PT for several weeks and even then I had to rely on a substantial knee brace…right until the last two days of February. So I got to go to a grand total of 2 social events before my state closed schools and issued issued a stay-at-home order. It’s been a really frustrating year.

To keep busy I’ve been painting, “editing,” and redecorating, though I still wish I didn’t live in this house anymore (backstory: I finished saving up a down payment for a house 5 days before looking after Dad unexpectedly became my responsibility after Mom’s sudden death, and didn’t manage to find a new house in the short time gap after Dad died and still prior to lockdown). This weekend I hope to paint room #4, while being thoughtful of how other people might like the color choices. Hopefully someone will eventually like living here, even if it’s never me.

17

Not really the same, as I am married. We also have two dogs.

I work from home now and my Wife has been called into her office. So I’m mostly in my loft above our bedroom (as I am now) working from home alone.

Was already living an isolated life in the Colorado Rockies. I prefer it. Only full time resident on this road for 28 years. Can’t see another house from my property.

Oddly, I’m getting to know some of my co-workers better through Slack pm’s or whatever you call them. The other thing is I’m hard of hearing (even with hearing aids) which can make any type of face to face meeting with more than a person or two VERY difficult for me and the other folks. Now, I can adjust the volume on my end.

Frankly, I love it and have wanted to work from home for years.

18

So…how is everyone else (well, besides enipla who doesn’t live alone) doing?

I’m finding myself sad more and more often as the fall wears on. The longer this goes on, the more I miss my mom, and to a lesser degree my dad. This was her favorite time of year, but in the recent past I have still enjoyed Halloween and Christmas largely due to keeping busy by going out and doing things with friends and/or my brother. And this year I’m not, this year I can’t. Half the things I would normally do have already been cancelled and the other half isn’t safe.

I miss my friends, I miss my brother, I miss my co-workers…we do things like Netflix party and Zoom lunches and it helps some but it’s not the same.

This fall is giving me way too much time to dwell on everything that is sad, and it feels like things are only getting worse.

19

Unfortunately, I think that’s because things ARE getting worse. Cases are going up. Indoor socializing is still too risky to engage in IMHO. Not a time to let down our guards. And yet we are so desperate to leave our solitary cells. I’ve had one hug since February. One lunch with a friend outside at a restaurant. I went to the doctor this week and rode in the elevator with four other people. I announced to them, “This is the most people I’ve been this close to in eight months.” I’m sad and cry on most days. Alone.

20

The other day, I bumped into someone and realized that that’s the only non-medical physical contact I’ve had with another person in months. It’s not like I had a lot beforehand (I’m not very social), but at least I’d shake hands from time-to-time or give a friend a hug. That’s not a thing anymore since March.

I do have a dog - so there’s another warm blooded animal around the house. And I’m still working and live in a multi-unit building, so I still talk to co-workers over conference call, and occasionally people in the hallways (as we navigate around each other).

One of the other things about living alone is that you know that if you get sick, there’s no one to take care of you - so you isolate even more to make sure that you don’t get sick in the first place. I used to not have any problem “doing things alone,” now all of those things are too much risk.

21

It’s taking more and more effort for me to avoid dwelling on the sucky aspects of this. Example: I’ve belonged to a private online group of single parents for 12 years now. Someone asked for positives about how COVID has affected us. People said how wonderful it is to work at home, how much closer they’ve become to their SO’s and their kids, how they’ve rediscovered the joys of hiking. Well, frick. I can’t drive now, so I can’t go to hiking trails. I have no SO. I can’t work. My kids live a ways away, and my son is high-risk, so I haven’t seen them since Christmas. That’s also the last hug I had.

Recently a friend called and talked about how stupid it is that people are “forcing” teens to “give up their youth to COVID restrictions.” He said if all at-risk people did what I do and stay home, everyone could go back to living their lives. I’m expendable, you see. Out of sight, out of mind.