Resistance is futile, you will be eaten?
Library. Not Lie-berry. And I don’t say Wed-Nez-Day but if you listen you can hear all those letters not said. 
I remember saying February to someone and they stopped me mid-sentence: “You said February!”
“Yes?”
“Not Feb-You-Airy! I never hear anyone say it properly!”
“Uh, thanks!”
The Arctic/Artic thing reminds me of something from my childhood.
We had a test, and one of the questions was to name the ocean at the South Pole, and the next question was to name the circle at the North Pole. (Not quite the wording of the questions, but you get the idea.
I was out sick the day before, so I wasn’t really sure. When we passed our papers up, I looked at the answers on the paper of the girl that sat behind me.
Her answer to the first question was “Antarctic.” Her answer to the next question was “Ant.”
My peeve is about people who have not just made farther/further interchangeable, but who consistently reverse which one is correct! This seems to occur equally in typing and in speech! Look, people – it’s really simple:
“farther” relates to physical distance. From “far”, a measurement of actual distance.
“further” relates to any type of distance not used in the literal sense. From “fur”, a measurement of distance between towns in the southern United States.
Get it right, people!
“For all intensive purposes”
I swear. to. God. I honestly used to think that people who were doing this were just trying to make me go crazy, but then I actually spoke with someone who thought that was what the phrase really said! My jaw dropped faster than the reputation of a subprime mortgage.
Shepard. Shepard, Shepard, Shepard.
Just what exactly have you been eating?!? :eek:
For all Insensitive Porpoises?What is wrong with that? Have you got a problem with our sea-dwelling bretheren?
Only the thick-skinned ones.
There’s an “Athy-Brathy Heart” parody struggling to break loose, but so far I’ve managed to keep it in its cage.
Dachshund. You’re welcome. 
(weenie dog also works.)
Shar-Pei Shar-Pei Shar-Pei Shar-Pei Shar-Pei
Note to MIL: it’s ‘shar-paa’ not shar-pie as in the permanent marker.
Really bad dictionaries.
Note to Britishers: it’s “drawing”. Not “droRing”.
Furthermore, “America is a large country”, not “AmericaRis a large country”.
You non-rhotic mothaRfuckers.
Don’t you mean Englanders? Who, I believe, you are confusing with New Englanders?
QUEUE goddamnit!
Also, that country down below Australia? The real frosty one? Is AntarCtica.
Show-low-eats-QUEEN-tlee. We usually just tell people ours are “Mexican Hairless.” We get a lot less funny looks that way.
Hey! Are you going sit there and tell me this puppy isn’t cute?
–FCOD
Unless you’re (your ?) repelling boggarts, then it’s “Riddikulus”
It would have been were it not for that huge growth attached to it.
My pet peeve is “I can’t bare it”. No, you can’t BEAR it you idiot! If you couldn’t bare it that would imply you couldn’t remove your clothes.
I see that Godot’s Law is in full force and effect in this thread. But
I’m waiting for the rest of your post.