Well, I got a woman five feet short
She yells and hollers and squeals and snorts
She tickles my nose pats me on the head
Blows me over and kicks me out of bed
She’s a man eater!
Meatgrinder…
Bad loser…
Close up the bar you know the gates of the brewery
She’s out there every night
And she sure ain’t drinkin’ tea
I love that woman, she’s the best one that I had
But she’s got this habit now and it sure is gettin’ bad
That whiskey drinkin’ woman
Is makin’ a poor man out of me
I got a gal
six feet four
sleeps in the kitchen with her feet out the door, but
My gal is red hot
Your gal ain’t doodley squat
She was a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5-9 beautiful, tall
With just one look I was a bad mess
'Cause that long cool woman had it allMy girl Bill
Do do do
My my girl Bill
Can’t say much
About the way I feel
About my girl
my girl my girl
My girl Bill
Five foot two, eyes of blue,
oh, what those five feet could do:
has anybody seen my gal?
(now if John Carter could post the Allan Sherman version :D)
*Look here Mary
You’re six-foot-nine
If I don’t get to your dessert
I’ll really whine
I’m huuuuungry!*
Laughing in the playground – gets no kicks from little boys:
She’d rather make it with a letching grey.
Or maybe her attention is drawn by Aqualung,
who watches through the railings as they play.
Cross-eyed Mary finds it hard to get along.
She’s a poor man’s rich girl
and she’ll do it for a song.
She’s a rich man stealer
but her favour’s good and strong:
She’s the Robin Hood of Highgate –
helps the poor man get along.
She’s a grip and choke ya
Heavy smoker
Wrong side of the law
Midnight shady
Good time lady
Heavy, ready show you what for
Barroom fighter
Ten pint a nighter
Definite ninety-nine
Diamond cluster
Knuckle duster
Feline on the borderline
– Judas Priest, Rocka Rolla
Of course: By special request of Jeff Olsen, here’s the song Dejah Thoris and I danced to at our wedding:
(Excerpts only, due to copyright laws)
Last night I met a man from Mars, and he was very sad.
He said, “Won’t you help me find my girl friend, please?”
So I asked him, “What does she look like?”,
And the man from Mars said, she’s
Eight foot two, solid blue,
Five transistors in each shoe,
Has anybody seen my gal?
Lucite nose, rust-proof toes,
And when her antenna glows,
She’s the cutest Martian gal.
Her steering wheel has sex appeal,
Her evening gown is stainless steel,
Has anybody seen my gal?
If she’s found, rush like mad,
Put her on a launching pad,
Down at Cape Canaveral,
And shoot me back my cutie,
My supersonic beauty,
Send me back my Martian gal.
Hold applause, please and send money!
She’s got a heart that’s cold as ice,
you cross her once, you won’t cross her twice.
There’s no talkin’ once her mind is made,
it’s like steppin’ on a hand grenade!
Mean Woman Blues
Barry Goodreau (yes, the guy from Boston)
Back to the REAL business of this thread:
See her lookin’ fast in her faded jeans
She’s a hard-lovin’ woman left me feelin’ mean
Sometimes I think it’s a sin
When I feel like I’m winnin’ when I’m losin’ again
Courtesy of Gordon Lightfoot
And now, a woman who is absolutely the opposite of attractive:
She had a face like a dumped out ashtray
Spittin’ out straight abuse,
Vocabulary like a broken marquee
And a wit she couldn’t use.
–Freedy Johnston, “Tucumcari.”
Bleached blonde mohawk, leopard skin suit
She stands 3 foot 7 in her wrestling boots
Teeny weenie meanie, my little teeny weenie meanie
1, 2, 3, momma put that leg lock on me
Well I didn’t go to the Civic Center lookin’ for romance,
I saw her in the cage match, thought I had a chance
She winked at me as I walked by her
She looked like Tammy Wynette left too long in my dryer
“Teeny weenie meanie” by the Reverend Billy C. Wirtz
Unclviny
You’re sweet, but you’re just four feet
And you still got your baby teeth
You’re too young, and I’m too well hung
But tonight I’m gonna rock ya…
– Spinal Tap
I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best
I want a girl with shoes that cut
And eyes that burn like cigarettes
I want a girl with the right allocations
Who’s fast, thorough, and sharp as a tack
She’s playing with her jewelry
She’s putting up her hair
She’s touring the facilities
And picking up the slack
I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.
I’ve seen you on the corners and cafes, it seems,
Red hair and black leather–my favorite color scheme.
Raven hair and ruby lips
Sparks fly from her finger tips
Echoed voices in the night
She’s a restless spirit on an endless flight