Why, dinahmoe, I can make them wink and grin, too!
… pissibilities…
“shhh, I’m concentrating”
“Does your pee smell like this after eating asparagus?”
“That reminds me, how is the project going? Still running straight down the plug hole?”
“Oh, so the rumour about your genital warts was true. Have you seen a Doctor yet?”
Does he follow you in?
Go in, wash your hands, wait for him to come in and unzip, nod, then leave.
Wait a few minutes for him to finish, then you go in.
Now, if he’s in there already, wash hands, leave, wait a few minutes, then go back in.
If he follows you to pee again, well, then I think it’s a Talk to HR thing.
Get thee to a hospital, steal a plastic urinal and pee at your desk from now on.
kidding!!
Fart really, really loudly while she’s mid-sentence.
Or HIM, sorry, It works either way. Well, it works in theory.
Pony up some green and install those key-operated newspaper holders. Make up a fake newspaper with regular stories for a while, then one day do a big-ass headline “Urinal Conversation Sparked Louisiana Serial Killer”.
That’s some spicy meatball.
There was some creepy guy who used to work on my floor and who I only ever encountered in the hallways and men’s bathroom (we worked for different agencies, so the hallways and bathroom were the only places where we would see each other).
Whenever I entered the bathroom while he was doing his business at the urinal, he would do a 90’ turn towards me (thankfully, the lower half probably never passed 45’; I never looked down to check and make sure), give me a big smile, enthusiastically say, “Hello!” and then immediately try to start some small talk.
Boy, am I glad that agency (and the creepy guy) moved to a different building.
There is a restroom etiquette, and this guy lacked it.
-If you’re using a urinal, don’t start a conversation with a relative stranger.
-If you’re using a urinal, don’t turn to face people entering the restroom and greet them.
-And not so much a rule of etiquette as it is a rule of thumb: if you’re in a bathroom and see a closed stall door with feet appearing under it, the odds are that there is a person in that stall, and they can hear whatever gibberish you say out loud to yourself.
…did you ever live in Peoria, IL?
[Butthead]hehe… Pee-oria…[/Butthead]
yeah yeah yeah, hmmm hmemm he heh hmm hm hm, Illinoy. IlliNOY!
Somehow I don’t think pissin gon the leg of one of the few people who can fire me without question or repurcussion wouldn’t be the way to go.
ivylass had a good idea except for the fact that I’m taking a medication right now that has a side effect of making me want to take a leak every half hour or so. And when I’ve got to go, I’ve got to go. No question about it.
Perhaps RTFirefly’s idea is best. Stall city for me baby. If he starts talking to me there I’m going to pull a Vociferous Pooper on him and start talkin gto my dick or something.
Buy the book “Caves of Steel” by Isaac Asimov, underline all the passages about strict conduct in the men’s personals and leave it on his desk.
[sub]…98 ounces of pee on the wall, 98 ounces of pee - take one down, pass it around , 97 ounces of pee on the wall…[/sub]
I would hate that… I can’t bear it when theres anyone in the same room or even up stairs with me when I’m in the bathroom, in the shower, etc. Yes, it’s hard to be like that and live with 3 people.
Another suggestion, in case you missed my first one:
Buy a fake hearing aid from a costume shop and put it in your right ear. Always make sure you use the far-left urinal.
Or you could go with my newspaper idea.
How could I possibly have missed the fake newspaper? Maybe I could do it as a conversation. Kind of like “Hey, know what I read in the paper today? Some guy was talking in a urinal and got shot…”
Instead of a head turn, do a full body turn and aim your stream under the panel such that you pee on his foot.
I doubt he’ll trouble you again.
[A little off topic: Do you know that if you do a search on all threads with “poop” in the title, you get three pages of threads? Wow. Like this one: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=56612&highlight=poop]